I lay curled up on the ground, buried in pain. It hurt so much that I couldnt even straighten my back. The passage of ti was like a tangible presence in front of . There was no relief. The pain was so severe that even my mind was blank. All of the distractions in my consciousness disappeared, leaving only ti. But I didn't know whether that ti was going fast or slow.
During those excruciating monts, I had nurous illusions that I was sowhere else: a cave, an ancient tomb, the Seven Star Lu Palace, deep in the mountain valleys of the Qinling Mountains, the snake marsh, the Zhang familys ancient building, or even that temple in Tibet. I had also had monts in those places that made curl up in pain. But this ti, there was a strong difference. I didnt know why, but every ti that happened in the past, I always had the conviction that it would all pass. This ti, however, that conviction was gone.
The intense pain sent a clear ssagethis ti, God wouldnt let go. I didnt know if I felt this way because of what Uncle Two had said or if it was really different this ti.
I never actually passed out, because I clenched my blood-covered teeth and refused to let my consciousness slip away. I didnt know how long I lay curled up on the ground, but I eventually felt soone walk into the room. I felt their body heat and the surrounding air shift as they moved around. At that ti, my consciousness began to slowly spread like spilled ink. I knew that I was lifted up and people were talking around , but I couldn't hear the details clearly.
My consciousness was like an iron chain that I refused to let go of. The pain eventually started to dissipate and I knew that I must have been injected with an analgesic. After the pain faded, drowsiness washed over like the tide.
Logically, my consciousness should have also retreated into the darkness at this ti, but I was still awake. I could even tell that I was in the ward of a county hospital. There were three other beds in the ward, but no one was lying on them.
I couldn't move, but at that ti, I suddenly heard the sound of soone knocking on the door again. It was very gentle, just like a ghost.
It was exactly the sa as what I had heard in the hotel room before. I looked at the door and was overwheld with the sudden fear that it shouldnt be opened. It cant be opened, I thought to myself. This door shouldnt be opened by any ans.
As I lay there terrified, the door quietly opened and a man slowly walked in. I couldn't hear any sounds as the man approached my bed.
I looked at him and was surprised to find that it was a familiar face.
It was Pan Zi.
Pan Zi looked at silently, his eyes full of helplessness. I tried to open my mouth and ask: Are you here to pick up?
But I couldnt speak.
Pan Zi sat down on the edge of my bed with a smile on his face, put his hand on my chest, and began to talk but I couldn't hear anything.
I stared at his mouth and tried to read his lips, wanting to know what he was saying. But I couldn't concentrate and felt annoyed and angry with myself. A kind of bitterness suddenly surged up from the bottom of my heart like the rising tide and I wondered, was Pan Zi always by my side? Has he been following this whole ti? Is this why he's the first person I see as Im dying?
Have you been here the whole ti?As it turns out, the song wasnt finished.(1)
You saved my life at that ti. You dont want it to end like this, do you?
I looked at Pan Zi speaking to , and then watched as he got up, slowly turned away, and went out the door. As this stream of consciousness slowly dissipated, I began to see the real world. I opened my eyes and found that I was lying in a bed with tears on my face.
The place where Pan Zi had been standing was empty. It wasnt the middle of the night, but already dayti.
I tried to raise my hand to feel the empty space beside and then touched my chest. It was all just a dream. What had Pan Zi been trying to tell in my dream?
I found myself rembering so of his lip movents. As I tried hard to recall them, I found that they were just a few words.
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TN Notes:
(1) Pan Zi was singing Sister Go Boldly Forward from the popular Chinese movie The Red Sorghum when he died in Vol 8 Chapter 62.
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Oh God, I'll just be over here crying. I was NOT expecting to get sucker-punched in the feels like that. PAN ZI! *(>
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