"What’s the aning of his words?" I turned to Joshua and Father, trying to find the answer. I don’t understand why he found out I had an Oga? Have I been stalked all this ti?
"Aren’t you in therapy?" Joshua leaned against the hood of the car, reached into his leather jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, he glanced at . Father looked at with a look that I couldn’t understand.
"Why are you talking about that, asshole?" I clenched my fists.
"Since the therapy didn’t work, you still don’t understand why that old fart found out you had an Oga, do you?"
"Josh, stop it. After all, he’s your big brother. Respect his decision, I’m sure Gruvv has thought it through." Father interrupted our bickering, Joshua shrugged his shoulders and smoked his cigarette while looking away.
Father ca closer, he held my shoulder gently. I looked at him, still looking for answers about what they were talking about.
"Gruvv, Mr. Kenrich slls Oga pheromones from your body..."
My body froze when I hear Father say that, my eyes were perfectly rounded. Without I know, I’m dripping sweat. Just like that, his words shattered all the confidence I had. During my ti with Shiloh, I felt like everything was fine, being surrounded by many Alphas over the years and finally having an Oga who didn’t overreact to my pheromones made forget.
Right, I can’t sll pheromones.
I didn’t even know that all this ti I carried Shiloh’s pheromones everywhere I went. I clenched my fist while holding back all the sha, anger which I don’t know who it’s for. That’s why when Father hugged earlier he gave a strange look, yeah, because he slled Shiloh’s pheromone from my body.
And here I am, so clueless about it. I feel so stupid.
We spend a lot of ti together in the house, I sotis spend my ti just looking at him while he sleeping, holding his hand around the house or when we read a book, of course his pheromones will lingering on my body.
And I went out of the house, t for the people I was looking, beating them and even killing them with Shiloh pheromones all over my body. Disgusting. I am disgusting human being.
"I know it’s not the sexual pheromones, but Gruvv, your Oga scent is really strong. I guess because he’s the Dominant, but we can sll it here.. His scent spreading like crazy especially when we get close to you."
I gulped, George did not say anything during my ti with him. I’m sure he did this on purpose because he wanted my own family to tell . I clenched my fist, my blood is going up my head but I know I can’t bla anyone, this stupidity started with myself.
Before I say anything, the auction begins. I’m not even interested in doing this anymore, as long as the auction is going on I’m just sitting next to Father and Joshua. My mind is not here, I’m still thinking about how the people I et think I have an Oga and also a weakness.
Right, a weakness. This is what my family is afraid of.
For many years they molds us, their children, so we’re not beco their weakness. Even they married Cross to an Oga from the sa circle as us so they were not to beco anyone weakness.
"Gruvv.." Father interrupted the thought in my head, I turned and found the room already empty.
Father looked at with a worried face.
I sighed and ruffled my hair, this is already too much. This thought has already taken on myself and made unable to think clearly.
"George, put things in order, I want to talk to Gruvv first." Father gave instructions to George who then bowed before leaving us.
The room was empty and there was only us. , Father and Joshua.
Joshua smoking his cigarette again, filled the room with cigarette smoke, Father was still waiting for to talk while I did not know where to start. I don’t know why, but I think all the things I said no longer matter.
"Gruvv, so, are you going to tell ?"
I leaned my back against the chair I was sitting on, I stared at the roof of the room with thoughts raging in my head. What am I doing? Don’t I want to protect Shiloh? Why does it feel like I’m doing the opposite?
"Father, shouldn’t you be much more aware of what’s going on in my house? The people who work under , I’m sure one of them is your informant. Joshua, Cross and of course myself, we will never be out of your sight." I said.
There is nothing to hide, it is already a common knowledge. We as their children cannot even have our own secrets, Father and Dad have their own ways of ’loving’ their children. Or is it because we are also under them?
Since we’re still small we have always been in their arms. I used to think that maybe when I was an adult I could sneak out of the so-called invisible prison, but in fact it was the sa thing. Dad’s strict control over loosened up a little when I had this damn illness, but that didn’t an I was free.
"Gruvv, I want to hear it from you."
Damn, he’s not even hiding the fact that he has spies among us.
I glanced over at Joshua who was enjoying his cigarette. This boy is also one of the results of our parents selfishness, he is spoiled so much that when sothing does not go according to his expectations he will sulk like that. His temper are much worse than and Cross.
"I made this decision, Andrew said that Shiloh could be a specin in my therapy. He is the only Dominant Oga who is not affected my pheromone even though his body reacts to other Alpha pheromones." I started to explain everything, I didn’t even dare to look Father in the eyes when I said this.
Damn, I’m 31 years old now, but I’m still acting like a coward.
"Isn’t Shiloh also not in a stable state?" Father asked, I don’t know how his face looks now. I closed my eyes.
"I’m looking for a psychiatrist for him, he has to recover his ntal health in addition to his body condition. His reaction to other Alpha pheromones is one example regarding his ntal health."
"That would be very risky."
"That’s why I’m looking for a psychiatrist." I looked at Father, my body stiffened when I saw his gaze. That sharp, intimidating eyes was as if it were judging . I shifted my eyes, don’t want sothing to happen when our eyes t too long. Father may be an Oga, but he’s been in this job his whole life anyway. He is the sole heirs of the Harding family, which is also known as one of the largest mobsters of our next country.
"Looking for a psychiatrist for your Oga is not the solution to this problem!! You know so ti ago he did sothing that triggered your deepest trauma. Andrew worked so hard to bring you back to your senses! You think once he’s in the psychiatrist’s care everything will improve overnight?! Look how you are!" Father spoke fast and half shouted. I could see his face harden and redden, the veins around his neck popping. He is angry.
But, those words never ca out from Father during the twelve years I experienced this illness, he was silent and never said things that hurt . Every ti Dad said sothing that hurt , Father would stroke my back, trying to calm down.
But this ti, the words ca out of his mouth as well.
Father closed his mouth with both hands, his eyes showing that he was surprised by his own words.
"Father, that’s too much." Joshua said, throwing his cigarette on the floor.
I think one of my family at least understands what I’ve been going through these twelve years. I even could not proudly say that I am a Dominant Alpha because I no longer works that way. And suddenly have that fucking confident, walk with my head up ahead because of Shiloh.
The hope that I had never imagined appears, makes more and more greedy when Shiloh ca into my life. Because, I pity him. Because he need , I’m the only one who can help him and vice versa. We belongs to each other. He’s the only one who can help get out of this fucking illness that has been holding back. I’m sure he can bring out into the light I’ve been longing for.
So, why? Why don’t you all trust ?
"I think the conversation is over." I said that and left the room, neither Father nor Joshua said anything. Father knew that what he said crossed the line and hurt . I want to beat sobody up until they’re dead right now, and after that, I’m gonna go ho and see Shiloh. I want to spend ti with him.
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