Jaekyung was still standing, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. He had been silent since the doctor left the room. Jihong was nervous, expecting him to start screaming and getting angry. Since this was not happening, his patience ran out.
"You'd better leave." He said in a deliberately cold, commanding tone.
Jaekyung finally looked at him and looked away again, "Where?"
"Ho."
Only after saying that, Jaekyung raised his head for a mont.
"I'll decide for myself.
"What do you decide?" Will you stay here until morning? Jihon, interrupting, strained: "If you stay, tomorrow you will feel bad again.
"So what?" Let it be bad.
"Hey!"
– Do you really think that such words are appropriate for an athlete? Jihong didn't have ti to say when Jaekyung straightened up, pushing himself off the wall, and blurted out sharply: "Hyun, you've brought your body to full wear and tear in a month, and are you worried that I'll feel bad for a couple of days?"
"You and I are different.
"Soone who is so worried about my condition does not worry at all about the fact that he has undermined his own health.
"I didn't blow up anything. And then, you and I, we...
"What is the difference between us?!" Jaekyung shouted, slamming his fist against the wall with force. Then he stepped towards Jihong and continued, "Why, because I'm an athlete preparing for the Olympics and you're not?" Damn, are you serious?!
The closer he ca, the more clearly Jihong could see Jaekyung's distorted face, his eyes reddened, filled to the brim with tears, and his lips bitten to blood with anger.
– What is so special about the Olympic Gas? What is so important about this gold dal that you are ready to take desperate asures?
Jaekyung stopped right in front of Jihon and added in a broken voice, "For , that's not the case. Even if I win a gold dal in this way, it won't bring any joy. Now I'm just going crazy.
At the end of the phrase, squeezed out through clenched teeth, the first tear fell and fell. Jihong, shaken to the core, couldn't even pronounce his na. He jumped out of bed. Closing the distance between them, he saw the rage, despair, and terrible pain raging in Jaekyung's eyes even more clearly.
"What should I do?" Jaekyung asked. "What am I supposed to do to stop you from doing all this nonsense?" Ask them to remove you from my escort? Ask to replace you with soone else? Should I give a receipt that I will no longer approach you until the end of the Olympics? Will it suit you?
His face was tense, his teeth clenched, but with each word, his eyes filled more and more with tears. The accumulated moisture began to drip from his long eyelashes one after another, and each ti Jihon's heart contracted painfully and fell down.
"I didn't want it to turn out like this. I didn't an to hurt you. I'm sorry," Jihon whispered in a broken voice.
He was really sorry. He tried to wipe the tears from Jaekyung's face, but Jaekyung stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
"Don't apologize. If I also hear an apology from you, I'll go completely off the rails," Jaekyung growled and roughly pushed his hand away. Because you are sincerely sure that you are right. That it was the best way for
to win the gold dal. Faithfully?
— Джэкён…
"I understand why you did it. You wanted
to succeed," he left Jihon no chance to justify himself. "There is no agent in the world as responsible and loyal as you.
"Jaekyung, I—" Jihong tried to interject.
"If you saw
as a living person instead of results, you would have acted differently," Jaekyung interrupted him.
He believed that Jihong was acting solely out of professional duty. Jihon understood why he thought so, and would even prefer not to be clear. But watching Jaekyong's tornt was unbearable.
"No, it's not," Jihon said, suddenly grabbing him by the arm. — This is not true.
Jihong was afraid that Jaekyung would break free again, but instead Jaekyung asked with an even more distorted face, "How?" In your opinion, my records are more important to
than anything else?
"No, I knew you wouldn't like it," Jihon replied hurriedly. "That's why I couldn't tell you.
"If you knew I wouldn't like it, then why?!" Jaekyung shouted.
"Because it was the best option," Jihong exclaid, gripping Jaekyung's hand tighter. "How could it be otherwise?" I couldn't get you to take your dicine.
"Is that why you decided to take them yourself?" Being aware of the side effects? Are you serious?! Jaekyung blurted out angrily. "Then why didn't you just suggest that we leave for the Olympics?"
"I've thought about that too," Jihon admitted.
"Then why are you...
Jaekyung, screaming in despair, suddenly froze. His face changed for a mont, as if a series of different emotions swept through it.
"Then... those words about a business trip... Did you give it up because of ?
"No!"
"Then why?!" He roared with an expression of incomprehension and even more resentnt in his eyes. "I said I would keep my promise. If it wasn't because you deliberately wanted to distance yourself from , I was also ready to keep my word. I said that I would win gold!
— Jacken…
"Were you afraid I wouldn't keep my promise?" Am I not trustworthy?
"That's not true!" Jihon shouted.
He grabbed Jaekyung's hand roughly and shook him, trying to convey his feelings to him.
"I did it because I didn't want to be away from you!" I wanted to stay close. That's why I did it!
Jaekyung finally fell silent. He stared at Jihon with wide-eyed eyes, clearly stunned by what he had heard. Jihon let him go and sat back down on the bed. Running his hand over his face, he continued, "Rember you once asked
if I perceived the possibility of never seeing you again as a threat.
— ...
— Yes, that's true. The thought of not seeing you for a while scared the hell out of . There are eight months left before the Olympics. And anything can happen. That's why I chose dications.
Jaekyung was silent, and Jihong, without looking at him, could already guess what emotions were reflected on his face. Embarrassnt, confusion, inability to believe what they heard.
And as expected, Jaekyung's voice soon rang out above him, "Do you even understand what you just said?"
Instead of answering, Jihon grinned briefly. And finally, raising his head, he said: "Yes. You pressed the touchpad first.
— … Why are you telling
this only now?
Jaekyung didn't look delighted, although he didn't deny it. He only looked at Jihon with an expression of hopeless despair that he had never seen before, and asked quietly, "Why do you prove your love by crippling yourself?"
And indeed. Jihon ntally agreed, still not raising his head. How did he get to this? Why did he confess in this way? He just didn't want Jaekyung to misunderstand him and suffer, but he ended up hurting him even more.
Jihon began to regret what he had done. It would be better if he kept silent all his life. If only he hadn't plucked up the courage like Lucas and made excuses for it like he does now.
It seed that one wrong stone destroyed everything. The quiet happiness that he thought would last until the Olympics was shattered. But he himself set the stone incorrectly. And Jihong still did not understand where the right place was for him. Is there a way out at all?
And then Jaekyung broke the silence: "If you really had feelings for , you should have told
then. And we would find a way out together.
Jaekyung's words, as if reading his mind, made Jihong smile involuntarily.
"Yes, I've thought about it.
He rubbed his forehead chanically and felt a sharp pain on the back of his hand.
"But there was no ideal solution. Separation is still hard for both. Jihon looked at his aching hand and concluded, "It's better to suffer alone. And in this case, I must suffer.
Jaekyung's calm but suppressed voice ca from above, "Because I'm an athlete and you're an agent?"
Jihong, still examining his swollen palm, removed the plaster and pulled out the needle, and then said quietly, "No, that's not the point.
He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward and looked at Jaekyung, who was standing in front of him, "Because I love you.
Because Jihong was looking up from below, Jaekyung's gaze seed even colder and darker. Jihon lowered his head again. Slowly clasping his fingers, he continued, "I love you, so I want to give you all the good and take the bad upon myself." It's easier for
this way. That's my way of loving.
"Is it possible to love and at the sa ti strive for relief?" Jaekyung muttered, as if to himself. His intonation, full of disbelief, made Jihon chuckle.
"Yes, I know, it's pointless. But that's how I feel. I just can't do it any other way.
"Everything you've done so far has been just a ga of relationship!" Jaekyung exploded. "This is not true love!" And your "relationship" is not a relationship at all, but a preparation for a breakup! You were just pretending to be a generous partner so that the breakup wouldn't seem so terrible!
With each new sentence, his tone beca more and more sarcastic. It seed that he could no longer tolerate even the fact that Jihong called his past affairs love.
"When you love soone, you can't help but show your weaknesses, you can't help clinging to your partner, you can't help doing all sorts of stupid things that sotis look humiliating. Look at . You know better than anyone what ridiculous things I just didn't do for you. Love is like that. How can you always be only cool and confident?
Jaekyung spoke with sincere conviction that he had shown himself in the most unattractive way in front of Jihong, but Jihong could not understand him. Because at least he never once thought that Jaekyung was pathetic.
But perhaps the reason lay in Jaekyung himself. Even when doing sothing inappropriate, he didn't look funny. On the contrary, his actions were imbued with genuine confidence, stemming from deep self-respect.
— … I'm not like that.
Yes, they are completely different. Jihon would never be able to cling to or completely bare his soul. It would be self-destructive for him. People liked only his external side - friendly, mature, elegant. Therefore, he sought to demonstrate only it. There is no need to expose your internal flaws. People were tired even of perfect appearance, and if he bared his wounded heart, they would quickly be disappointed and leave.
"I'll probably never change.
"So you're going to spend your life hiding behind the pretext that it's all for soone else's sake?" To sacrifice yourself, your body and soul? Jaekyung quipped.
"It sounds too dramatic, but... I guess so," Jihon nodded. "I don't demand that you understand and accept my approach. But if sothing like this happens in the future, I will surely make the sa choice.
Jihon fell silent. And, gathering his thoughts, he added more calmly: "But I don't want quarrels. I don't want you to suffer because of . But if this is unavoidable, then it is better for us to disperse.
"How can you talk about breaking up so easily?" Jaekyung's voice began to sound angry again.
"Is this sothing terrible?" Jihon deliberately replied with a carefree look. "I've experienced it dozens of tis.
With a slight grin, he seed to want to show that for him parting is a common thing, regardless of who is in front of him.
— Everything that begins has an end. If it seems that it is not for long, it is better to break up earlier. So at least both will remain safer.
His words reflected his true feelings. So when Jaekyung brought up the future after the Olympics, Jihong brushed it off: "We'll think about it later." He avoided thinking, not believing that this mont would co at all.
"Do as you like. If you want to break up now, that's fine. If you want it later, it's okay too. I don't care. I'll do as you say.
Jaekyung stared at him for a long ti and only after a while sneered, "Even now, you say you'll do as I want. Until the very end, you adjust to . "I'll do as you want
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