AVELINA
October 20th 2000
I tried not to think about the diagnosis. This could be fixed, right? Or maybe it was a very bad dream I couldn’t wake up from.
But the subtle change was real. Dominic didn’t say anything but the bodyguard always shadowing says it all. He is scared I would hurt his daughter.
Braelyn’s nursery was moved far away from my room. Far enough I didn’t even hear her loud cries anymore. It was a good thing that her cries wouldn’t bother anymore, but the thought that they were keeping my daughter away from because I was dangerous to her still stung in a way I didn’t like.
They don’t even let wander in that direction anymore. Dominic, who always excitedly spoke about Braelyn, never ntions her again. It was like she was systematically erased from my life.
I had no link to Braelyn. I had never held her, not even once, since she was born, nor have I directly breastfed her.
I always used a pump instead. That alone was the only thing that reminded that I had given birth.
I was curious about her but it was better I didn’t for the best.
Dominic is doing his best to keep himself together. In the few days after her birth, his grey hair had doubled on his head, although he was still handso.
Even he couldn’t handle a new infant and a crazy wife. Last night, while he thought I was asleep, I heard him quietly, crying and breaking down. It broke sothing in .
He was a man desperately trying to hold everything together. I wondered if he wasn’t scared sleeping beside . After all, I was dangerous and might attack him
If he starts distancing himself, I don’t know if I would be able to hold it together.
I have made up my mind. I will do my best to get better. I will tell him I am ready to start treatnt. It was the least I could do.
*******
November 30th 2000
It was the longest month of my life. I tried my best but things only got worse. I could see Nadia again. I tried ignoring her. She wasn’t real and just my imagination.
Whom was I kidding? She remained.
A month ago, I was sent to a psychiatric ward. My diary was confiscated, which is why I haven’t been able to write in a while.
Update things haven’t gotten any better. I still can’t stand the sight of Braelyn despite not even being close to her.
The pictures of her always made cringe with this strange feeling in my heart. She has been surviving on formula for the past few weeks. I couldn’t breastfeed her not with all the drugs in blood stream
The isolation backfired
Dominic made sure to visit every week though. I managed to ask him how Breelyn was doing, and he literally lit up, telling every detail. He was happy talking about her...
He deserves to have that happiness. I told Dominic that he should take away from the ward.
He was stunned but he agreed. I am still undergoing treatnt but it was far away and sowhere calm
We arrived at the vacation villa yesterday and just the air here puts at ease.
Tonight the sky looks lovely. It was a moonless night but the stars were really pretty. Maybe I will be able to find peace again.
I might get over this curse. Dominic promised to find a renowned expert to help.
********
Braelyn’s POV
Back to presence.
It was long past midnight, and I was completely imrsed in the diary. I didn’t know if I should believe what was written in these pages or not.
If what was written in this book was right, that ans everything I really knew about the fire was wrong. Dad lied to , the fire wasn’t an accident, and Mum didn’t die in labour as he said.
She was the one who caused the fire and she was suffering from a ntal condition. I didn’t know how to process this I could not continue further
I fell back on the bed staring at the ceiling. I was ntally exhausted. Everything was testing my morale at this point
The guilt from Lucien’s mother’s death had pushed her to the edge. To a point, she was starting to doubt reality. What if what she wrote here was wrong after all I couldn’t believe what a woman who no longer trusted her own mind wrote.
Avelina, I never knew her in person. The only thing I knew about my mother was her na and the fact that she looked like
After a while, I slowly pulled myself up and continued reading.
Avelina moved to the vacation villa, the sa one where I found the diary. Dad did his best to help her. He found an expert to help with her treatnt.
She started fighting with reality and her thoughts. There wasn’t much to note from her entries.
She only wrote about how the treatnt went and how excited she was during Dominic’s visit. He always made sure to visit her once a month so months even more than once
Whenever he was around, she spent ti together, and things were almost like they were before I was born. She had recovered a lot, and her gaze wasn’t as lifeless as it was before. Nadia stopped showing up...
The problem was that there was always a shadow between them
It was . Mother never asked how I was doing, and Dad never brought it up either, for a few years, until the year I turned 3.
********
September 24th 2003
The doctors say I have almost made a full recovery. All I just had to do was stay on my dication.
He says I should try eting Braelyn. It will be the first ti I will be seeing her since she was a baby. Everyone said I am ready to et her. Dominic was practically beaming as if this were a mont he was waiting for.
I don’t think I am ready, what if the nightmare starts again? What if I start seeing Nadia again
I am scared. I don’t want to see her but we can never be sure if I have fully recovered unless we try.
What if I try hurting her again? I don’t want to do sothing that would make Dominic hate .
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