Jen felt her heart warm when she saw that he was trying to be considerate of her. She settled herself comfortably in his embrace before she started talking.
"There was a guy that I dated before I t you" she paused trying to gauge his reaction but she didn't feel any reaction from him so she continued.
"It's been over a year since we broke up but we dated for a bit over three years. If I think about how our relationship was I realise that I was definitely not happy, but I had managed to delude myself that I actually was" Jen said with a self-mocking laugh before becoming silent for a couple of minutes so that she could calm down.
The strong heartbeat she could feel against her back and Lucas' steady breath eventually helped her calm down.
"I was pretty naive back then when I followed him around and chased after him relentlessly until he agreed to date , he was a stunning man who didn't lack in status or power and had an air of mystery that made want to uncover the mysteries behind his mysterious eyes" Jen paused again wondering if she went overboard with her descriptions of Tyler, but she didn't feel any difference in Lucas' body language. She was a bit thankful that they were not facing each other since she would feel slightly awkward talking about this if they were.
"In the duration of our relationship, I don't rember him doing much for . I kept giving and giving and I never realised that he should have at least invested himself in the relationship because I enjoyed the fact that I could do sothing for him."Jen gave another pause because she rembered how she abused herself thinking that she was doing it to make him happy, not taking herself into consideration at all.
"After all that happened with my father running down the company to ruins and becoming a gambling addict and on top of everything he got himself in prison, he was the only stability I had in my crazy life and it never occurred to that I probably would be better off without him". Lucas knew she was crying and patiently wiped her tears but did not say anything.
He wanted to let her talk, not only for the sake of getting to know her but so she can vent the emotions that she had been persistently holding in.
Jen felt his warm lips on her neck and she couldn't help the teary smile that was on her face, even though Lucas couldn't see it.
"I had not seen him in a while when I was busy looking for lawyers who could appeal my father's case, and on top of my mother's constant nagging, I was in a very bad place. I had to take care of the family, pay my siblings' tuition and manage my businesses.
I rember that day I had just gotten out of another lawyer's office despairing on the fact that I had been getting the sa answers from every lawyer I visited and I then received a phone call from him. He had angrily berated for not reaching out to him but I was also frustrated and lashed back.
He asked us to break up for the nth ti since he had previously done this before and I'd normally complied to his wishes, but this ti I agreed before hanging up. I didn't even get breathing space before I was called about urgent business and was once again imrsed in my busy schedule"
"I managed to get through that period because I was too busy to think about myself, much less my feelings. He hadn't called again or made any efforts to reconcile so I decided to let him go"
"Earlier this year I was finally able to relax because my young sister graduated and business was stable, she even took up most of the workload with the restaurants but before I could get comfortable we received the news of my father's death.
My mother had completely broken down and she directed her grief towards as anger. She didn't even let grieve before she called a hypocrite and that I left my father to rot in jail because of his shortcomings."Jen gave a painful chuckle as she recited her mother's words.
Lucas knew the gist of what was going on but he didn't know the details on how she experienced this. He could feel his heartache for her and couldn't help but wish that he had t her sooner.
"I could tolerate it in the beginning but it got worse as ti went and I started resenting her. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how I have provided for the family for years after my father went bankrupt and how I bought the clothes on her back.
I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty over having these thoughts and I knew I would hate her if this persisted so I left and ca here" Jen finished and turned to face Lucas who still had his arms around her.
"I'm sorry you had to listen to all that, but it's my baggage, and it's best if you know what you're getting yourself in to, "Jen said with self-mockery before she felt Lucas' lips on her forehead.
"I only wish I had t you earlier so you wouldn't have to go through this" Lucas said affectionately and pulled her into his chest.
Jen couldn't help but tear up when she heard his words and wasn't able to get hold of herself for a while afterwards. Lucas didn't let her go and stroked her hair in consolation and occasionally kissing her forehead while whispering comforting words.
After she cald down she looked up at Lucas whose warm gaze was focussed on her. She pecked his chin before thanking him.
"Thank you, Lucas, for hearing out, and holding like this. I haven't had a good cry in years" Jen said with gratitude.
"I'm here for you, always," Lucas said in promise as he kissed her forehead once more. Before they knew it, the couple had fallen asleep in each other's arms.
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