Chapter 58: 58. Just one kiss.
It’s alright to tell Duke these things. Because he’s different. He’s always been. He still is. So it’s alright if I tell him these things.
"That’s why when I t Rowan, and I knew him asking for sex was inevitable, I had already closed my heart to following the rules of Christianity." I pause because for so reason I feel like he would laugh at what I just said. I feel he will laugh at .
However, not a sound escapes his lips. Just the rhythm of his breathing. That’s all.
"I was determined to not lose him to her. I was going to give him whatever he asked. And when he did ask, I gave my all to him. My conscience was eating
up because I felt I had strongly betrayed God, but seeing that he was still by my side after we had done it, made
believe I did the right thing by giving myself to him."
It’s painful how that ca around to bite
in the back. It turns out every mont we shared was a lie. I was living the lie all on my own and I didn’t see it.
Maybe I saw it... Maybe I just chose to ignore it.
"At tis he couldn’t hide his fascination with Alicia, but I always waved it off. I believed no man would not be fascinated by Alicia. As long as he wasn’t doing anything with her. As long as he remained faithful to , I ignored all the signs that told
he was entranced by her."
I can’t help but regret every mont I wasted on and with him.
"But it turns out I was being foolish." I was such a fool.
"Isn’t it funny? I refused to sleep with others, so they called
uptight. And with Rowan, I slept with him and he called
too easy. Hah!"
I’ve lived such a funny life.
"I guess that’s why I’m conflicted." I drag the sheets over my chest and curl up my knees. "As much as your re gaze burns
inside out, I can’t help but hold back because you might see
as an easy woman." I’m scared. I didn’t want to get attached to him, but that already happened the mont he offered
his hand. "And yet the more I hold back, the more I’m scared I will lose you eventually."
Dear God, help . I really don’t know what to do.
I feel movent on the bed and I know he’s severed the space between us and shifted closer to .
Tenderly, I feel his arm snake around my waist and that arm gently pulls , bringing my back to rest on his chest. I feel a soft touch on my shoulder blade, and I realize he just kissed
there.
"Tell
truthfully dearest, you knew I won’t be able to resist holding you in my arms if you told
that story, right? Even though I’m going through tornt, you knew my resolve to not touch you would be weakened by listening to your story, didn’t you?"
A smile curls up my lips, and my hand slowly wraps around his own at my waist. "Maybe." I say. Maybe he is right. I couldn’t bring myself to ask him to hold
because I already promised not to do anything, and I knew how much it tornted him to have
sleeping by his side. And still, deep down I didn’t like the distance between us on the bed. I wanted him to co closer.
So yeah, maybe I shared this story because I had faith that this would happen. That he would co closer to .
"You’re not foolish." He suddenly says. I turn my head slightly, just enough to be able to see his face.
"What?" I ask.
"You seem to enjoy using that word. Every ti we talk, you talk about how foolish you are, or once were. You’re not foolish, Pagne. You’ve just had worthless people in your life so far and—"
Normally words like this would make
feel so touched to the point of tears. But right now, right now I still can’t seem to draw water to my eyes.
Instead, I feel so kind of excitent bubbling inside . The kind that cos from focusing my attention on his moving lips and not his words exactly.
Don’t get
wrong, I can hear what he’s saying. And I’m grateful for it, I really am. But my attention is more on the sweet lips that always say such sweet things.
"—I just want you to know that." He places a kiss on the side of my head.
"Now get all that nonsense out of your head and go to sleep. That cousin of yours won’t even ever be stepping foot inside this house, more or less my bedroom, So rest assured, your spot is secured right next to . And that’s how it should be even in your dreams my love." His voice suddenly slips to a whisper, a dark whisper "I really am not entirely happy that you were dreaming of your ex, you know."
Is he jealous?! Of my dream? I can’t help but laugh inwardly. He can be such a clown at tis.
"The only one who should have a free pass to your dreams is . So sleep again, and this ti, make sure I’m the only thing you dream of." Why does he sound like he’ll personally co into my dream if I don’t listen to him?
"Good night, dearest."
Wait, is that all?
N_No kiss on the lips? I turn my head toward the window again as that excitent that was bubbling inside
gradually quenches.
Let’s sleep.
Champagne, just try to sleep. Be content with this. Be content with what you are given. Having him hold
like this is such bliss in itself, so be content with this.
Ugh! To hell with contentnt. I want him to kiss .
I turn my entire body to face him. Thanks to the very little light coming in from outside, I can’t see clearly, but I can at least see where his face is.
Like a slithering snake, I slide up till my headline is aligned with his own.
Now I’m staring straight at his face and he’s murmuring, "Stop moving, Pagne." with his eyes closed.
What will happen if I kiss him now?
I’ll think of that later, so for now...
I press my lips on his own with my eyes shut. When I flip them open again, I see his eyes are also widely opened once again.
"What are you doing?" He inquires.
"What I want." I respond.
"Pagne don’t." He warns , but do I really want to listen?
I don’t think so.
My hand touches the side of his face and my eyes fall close again as I press my lips upon his own again. I try to make him open up for , but he refuses to. I try to use my tongue to pry his lips open but he has them firmly shut!
"Duke," I murmur his na. It’s a plea actually. A plea for him to let
in. "Duke," I say over his lips, while still trying to kiss him deeply.
Why won’t he let ?
"Dear God, Pagne!" He hisses, bringing my hand down from his face. "Stop it."
"Why?" He kisses
all the ti, and I always allow him. So why won’t he let
do it now that I want to?
He sighs, "Pagne, co on, go to sleep." He instructs, but I don’t want to listen. Just a kiss, how hard can a kiss be? Why is he making it so difficult? We would have already gotten over with it minutes ago if he just let !
"No!" I don’t know where I find the strength, but I pull my hand out of his own as I rise to my knees, at the sa ti pushing him down and climbing over him.
Now seated on his waist, I can feel myself getting hotter and hotter. I don’t even know if it’s from anger or just from the warmth his body is radiating.
"Pagne, you will kill ." He grunts with a hand over his face.
"Just one kiss." I say as I bring my hands to rest on the bed on both sides of his head. "One kiss. I know you say I’m tornting you already, but what’s one kiss? It won’t make it any worse."
"Pa—" I see an opening and I launch for his open mouth and I get it... The warmth of the inside of his mouth. The sleekness of his tongue moving over mine in a wavy pattern. Slowly, I bring my hands to his face, feeling the lines of his clean shaven jaw.
Oh, how I love being inside his mouth. My entire body is set ablaze. My system is brought to a burning point where everything inside
begins to feel like molten silver. I love his kisses. I really do.
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