The admission of hers cracked sothing in . Making whimper, fall to my knees, and clutch at her hand again. I hate this.
"I’m here."
I’m not sure I’d thought of myself as soone that people would miss like that. That she would outright declare feeling that way... no matter how many tis she’d compared little things to the young woman near this body’s age, who she had been feuding with at the ti.
"I... however you need to be. If you need space again, I’ll give you space. If you need soone to sit with while you work, I can do that too. Ignore , yell at , anything in between."
I lift my hand away. Pulling it to my chest and loathing myself for the words I am about to say. The timing of it. The tone I know it will be in. The fact that I can’t stop them.
"Just please don’t lose faith in . Because I can’t keep it in myself."
...
"Tell about your son. I’d like to hear the story of how sothing good happened even while everything else was falling apart."
Collecting myself again, after the long period of ti when she said nothing and I felt like I was *drowning*... I told her about Asha’s birth in the cave. While omitting a lot of the dull waiting for the labor.
Focused on his dark fur and currently slate-blue eyes, while picking him up and proudly showing him off to a woman who... I would rather pick as a mother figure than an aunt.
> If I was the one choosing. <
My words were woven in with less than pleasant but amusing details to ground the tale. Like about the way he’d latched on with sharp little fangs that hurt more than I expected my first feeding.
It had her covering her face and shaking her head.
I told her about Kyrie finding us despite the blizzard conditions. The bear I avenged her over and was just working on. About the use of power for creating warmth... of the not-magic system-converted container, back at the LTER station.
And the kind of chaotic trip to the tower the past few days.
Small good things, strange things, humorous things.
Held up against her potent loss, it wasn’t going to balance.
> Nothing coming from could be enormous enough to do that. <
But it was what I had to offer on the scale. To ease her journey.
Toward finding so kind of harmony within herself.
And at least she had small - very small - smiles here and there today thanks to .
Which helps move forward, too. Helps rember that there are things I can do.
> Not just to stop feeling and thinking. Although they are still things that put my son first. <
⧖ ☾ ❄ ☽ ⧖
The food processor whirred with a very uncomfortable sound of squelching. Heart at that was washed out a bit, a re sliver of liver because there is such a thing as too much of so nutrients, and a pinch of crushed and ground rib bone for extra calcium - because of the phosphorous in the at.
Pulling a quarter cup of it out using the glass asuring cups I found in this kitchen, I splash a small amount of apple cider vinegar from my survival goods over the paste. A trick I read about that is supposed to make the proteins easier to digest on his little stomach.
> All my research is finally being used. It’s been a long few weeks, but it’s ti to wean. <
Of course, a generous helping of reward breastmilk that I’d chilled yesterday for fat and moisture would go into this, after the acid is done doing its job over the next half hour. I thought about adding fresh, but so part of just really wasn’t in the mood to attach that blasted machine to myself right now.
"A part I want to encourage - the part that has opinions and not just goals to check off."
Watching it liquefy into sothing the consistency of a pink gravy was sowhat unappetizing in a human feeling way. However, it would not truly look so different if I was doing this the normal way of beasts.
Another thing I have a strong opinion over right now. Chewing up and regurgitating it for my son is sothing I absolutely would do if there were no other options. But there are, so here I am with technology at my disposal.
"Actually doesn’t sll bad."
When I opened the lid what rose was... a strange iron and sweetness. The kind that makes my own stomach gurgle and reminds I have yet to eat, as concerning as it was that sothing I produced in my body for my child was part of what seed suddenly appetizing.
"That’s certainly a color and a scent."
Kyrie stood in the nursery doorway watching , with a heavy duty conduit on a spool in her arms. With the sleeves of her red blouse pulled up past her elbow, showing off her forearms.
> Showing off to . Not others. Though likely she was seen by so people on the way. Doesn’t bother . Doesn’t. It shouldn’t, considering how I acted in the lobby when we returned. How I always act. <
"I did ask Claire on my way in here to obtain sothing that I could hook my container’s power source to this room with, but I’m not entirely sure that ant you had to be the one to bring it."
"It does. When she also told that you intended to try and give him his first bite of at. I wanted to be here for this."
Clearing my throat and looking everywhere but at her face, I nodded and hoped she would move on. It was clear enough with that line only, her little admonishnt.
That I’m not treating her *enough* like the co-parent she wants to be. Or that I... that I want her to be. Unfortunately, that part of that has opinions also thinks I shouldn’t apologize.
> If I miss thinking about the importance of one thing here or there, I should be forgiven! I too am a first ti mother. <
Being *that* petulant out loud is just going to make her smirk. Like she’s completely *already* doing!
Unspooling more of the beefy looking electrical cord toward the box near the panel I was told about. Twisting the connector in before approaching the set of breakers and so very assuredly interacting with what I understand to be dangerous levels of voltage.
One slams down under her fingers and the kitchen goes dark, also causing a little tal plate to slide with a clink. After a second, she flips on a different one and successfully swaps the load from the skyscraper’s power to the ’generator’ of mine.
"There, all done. Fridges and freezers are connected, almost everything else with dedicated breakers I already shut down this morning. So you won’t have to worry about accidentally bumping the ice maker while running the blast freezer."
"I was not worried about such a thing. Do you think clumsy?"
"Yes. Not physically, but yes."
"...Be nicer to ."
After I grumble and rub my palms over the sides of these pants, she raises her chin and eyebrow in a way I’m pretty sure she doesn’t an to be seductive - but is. Especially standing tall with one hand on her hip like that.
"When I try to be excessively nice and understanding in obvious ways, you attempt to mark . Which I don’t mind, but I thought I was helping by going another way with my way of treating you this evening."
> Everything about her is sexy, damnit! Even her words. Okay. You’re hungry. That’s it. You’ll deal with it better after you eat sothing. You’ll do that after he eats. First thing. <
I spooned the mixture into a tiny plate I’d found, testing the temperature of a bit of the at mush against my wrist with Tolerance off. Warm, not burning hot.
Asha had been roaming about a little a few minutes ago, wling softly within the playpen I brought down here. I may not have to worry about him getting chill on the floor without now, but I still can’t have him wandering underfoot or into crevices.
When I knelt beside him with my arm out, his nose worked frantically as the primal sll invaded his little wolf brain. Before he promptly surged forward and smooshed the little soft black nasal bead right onto it.
And sneezed violently for his trouble...
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