Vrika whined softly in my mindscape, nudging to respond to the Alpha regardless. After a mont’s hesitation, I began typing and retyping a reply before finally settling on sothing simple enough.
C: [I appreciate the response. Will keep it in mind.]
Short and incredibly non-committal, giving away nothing about my location or activities. I hit send before I could overthink it further, then turned off the screen to look for sothing to eat.
Before long I resud my walk back to the motel with plastic bags that felt extra light in my hands compared to the weight of the ’stolen’ cash on my heart. I really don’t understand how bad people do awful things to good ones...
I force myself to think of my upcoming plans, visiting multiple ATMs in the morning at best... over several days at worst. The prospect was frustrating and every extra mont will be a risk, but I’d faced worse obstacles since arriving in this world.
Soon enough, I found myself freeing up a hand and nervously touching one of the ’sapphire’ sphere hair ties I’d worn out. The smooth and slightly cool plastic felt unnatural but calming as I slowed my steps and just stood there for a minute.
Idly, I let my focus stray and looked through all the system interfaces, seeing nothing new. Nothing to tell I’m doing the right thing, if I’d even believe what it said.
"...Do I want it to take real form and hold my hand as I walk in the street, too? Act like an adult..."
With a final brush down the length of black strands, I start walking quickly again. In my old world, servants would have handled all mundane transactions while royal treasurers managed larger acquisitions for the family.
Beyond that, I did have one individual I sowhat trusted to handle the money I siphoned from selling gifts and taking loans from rchant daughters. If I think of this as... that... then it should beco easier to accept.
> It should, but why isn’t it easy? Because I’m not actually having any of the more *fun* relations with her? <
The faint buzz of another ssage vibrated against my thigh and I grit my teeth. Whatever Kyrie had to say could wait until I was safely back in my room, with the new blanket to comfort through whatever silly emotions her words might stir.
Softly stomping up to room 217, I kicked off the footwear, hastily sat the bags on the table, and threw off the jacket like I felt trapped by them. Then I collapsed back onto the bed and held my palms over my eyes.
I’d managed to resist checking it the entire way back, but now, in the quiet of my room the temptation was so overwhelming that... I just couldn’t deal with it. Hot tears boiled in my eyes as I dove into my mindscape to sulk.
> This place, this system, these people. My ho and my life back there. And here... you, Vrika, and the child in my stomach. An apocalypse that I don’t know what even ans for anything like a future! <
My bare feet touched the concrete surface as a representation of Vossden spread from the center where the two of us always were. Pulling the hands away from my wet lilac eyes and angrily waving my hand towards the white tower.
> This silly woman took all day to respond! Letting ... almost start to feel like she’d taken on those hints that I can’t... I can’t deal with her. What the hells is all of this? <
My feet childishly slapped against the ground in my old human form, between patches of grass that doesn’t grow in this world. Ears tilted toward attentively... but not intervening in my ltdown, Vrika sits and watches.
That only made cry harder and raise my voice in a wordless yell. I snarled as I paced, black fur rippling along my spine rising with my anger.
> I was raised a princess, wasn’t I?! Trained to navigate every social situation imaginable! <
Shifting down to a fox instead, trying to focus on who I was and not any of the parts of who I am now. My fur fills back in with its cream color as I ntally reinforce the difference.
> I handled dozens of suitors trying to use for power! I even made it through that feast without causing an incident. When that bear shifter got drunk and cornered , I could still just talk my way through it, couldn’t I!? <
Vrika’s head tilted as the mory landed, feeling my emotions spiral and surge... but still the spirit kept its distance. Still waiting for to finish and calm down, because it knows it can’t really help and so do I.
> And now I can’t handle ONE werewolf woman who just happens to sll nice, be powerful and rich, and is considerate... to soone with nothing? Just because... because... <
My voice broke and cracked, the roaring becoming whimpers. I slowed my pacing and sank to my haunches, my cream-colored fur reflected in the puddles of my mindscape... as were the eyes that faded to light grey.
> What is wrong with ? I shouldn’t care what she thinks. I shouldn’t feel guilty using her money when she offered it with no strings. I shouldn’t be... waiting for her response all day and telling myself I was not. <
My wolf finally moved, approaching slowly with careful steps. Glowing blue eyes stuck to my face as the wolf laid down beside ... close enough that I could feel its spiritual warmth without it forcing contact.
> She has no idea who I really am. If she knew everything she’d realize I’m not worth the effort. <
And I know that’s the source of my tears - that I cared what she thought, but that I felt I knew what she would think if she knew the truth. And in that mont, I hated that I cared at all whether I was right or wrong.
> This would be easier if she was cruel or demanding. Or at least didn’t look at like I’m sothing precious instead of a burden. Because I can’t handle that changing...<
I touched my nose to Vrika’s fur, just briefly... and it did not rush to defend Kyrie or push toward her. Instead, the wolf just shared my exhaustion - admitting it was real to , even if it wasn’t capable of feeling it the sa way.
> I’m tired of resisting. All I’m doing is prolonging what I know is coming. I should just lead it to its natural end quicker, right? <
The thoughts escaped in my new voice throughout the mindscape before I could stop it. The spirit lifted its head and gently rested its muzzle over the back of my neck.
For just a mont, I let myself accept the closest thing to an embrace it could think of. A pack animal’s comfort - and its attempt to assure that it was at least here, right now.
Then I pulled away to stand up and shake my fur. Willing myself back into human form - Helene’s - since that is at least for now, who I am... on the surface... which is all she knows.
All I’d been willing to let her know about , other than too quickly calling myself a Princess because I was flustered when we t.
Reviews
All reviews (0)