I HAD A DISAGREENT with Kei over sothing related to Ichinose.
I intentionally minimized contact and kept my distance for quite so ti.
Unable to et Kei on Christmas due to an unexpected accident, the flu, I realized it was already the end of the year—December 29th.
Our eting ti was set for a leisurely three o'clock in the afternoon.
Until then, I spent an ordinary day off in my room with nothing to do.
I watched TV, read books, surfed the internet, and listened to music.
I thought it would be boring, but I found fulfillnt in the ordinary.
Finally, with 20 minutes left until the promised ti, I decided to leave the dormitory.
We were to et at the entrance of Keyaki Mall, but I thought we could run into each other by chance.
However, there was no sign of Kei in the dormitory lobby or outside.
I thought about it again in my head.
What does it an for to be in a relationship?
What is love in the first place?
Among the several definitions of 'relationship' in the dictionary, the one that applied to us right now was 'dating as a couple.'
It was easy to understand and could be taken literally.
anwhile, when I looked up 'love' in the dictionary, it said, "the emotion of affection a man and a woman have for each other."
Affection. Emotion. Have I been able to learn about love over ti?
That was the first point to consider.
I had learned a lot of emotions in this school.
Classes, conversations with friends, talks with teachers, shopping, playing.
With that, I learned what was interesting, not interesting, fun, not fun, delicious, not delicious, and many more.
Through my relationship with Kei, I learned a lot about what lovers experience and go through.
Conversations, dates, and acts of intimacy that could only be done as a couple.
I could probably say that I had taken all the actions that would be considered model answers.
So, could I say that I've learned the feeling of love?
The answer was probably different. It wasn't the sa as learning emotions.
My heart hadn't been swayed at all—from before I started dating Kei until now.
That was sothing I'd asked myself over and over on a daily basis.
I didn't know the answer, but I had a hunch.
It was that I saw Kei as a vehicle to learn about love. I prioritized experiences that could only be done as a couple. In other words, I left that emotion behind when I moved ahead to the next step before my subconscious had caught up.
Of course, I didn't regret it. I learned a lot from Kei.
However, the ti to decide how long to continue this relationship approached.
Kei was the student who carried the most darkness within Horikita's class.
Even if she tried being strong, she had a dependent nature. And I took advantage of that and brought her into my control.
But I couldn't achieve my goal while leaving this intense dependency in place.
Now that my policy had changed dramatically, her breaking free from dependency was essential.
That was why I have gained the right to learn sothing new.
I wondered whether or not there was hesitation in parting with Kei.
If I felt hesitant to let her go, then maybe it could really be called love.
There were nearly five minutes left until the promised ti, but Kei was already waiting there. She was looking down and hadn't noticed yet.
Considering the ti, it wouldn't be strange for her to start looking around for .
Maybe she was afraid that she might not be able to see when she lifted her head.
Or perhaps she had so resistance to eting face to face.
"You're early."
I approached her, but not to surprise her too much, I left so distance between us and called out to her.
"Ah—"
Reacting to my voice, Kei raised her head.
We were supposed to go on a date today since we couldn't have one on Christmas together, but she didn't look excited. Maybe she was just so anxious she couldn't help it.
At the very least, I couldn't see any feelings of disgust, disappointnt, or loss of interest in .
"It's been a while..."
"Yeah. In the sense that we're alone like this, it's been about three weeks."
By the ti we finished exchanging small talk, we were closely facing each other.
There seed to be a wedge between and Kei at that mont. Until now, we used to be so close that we would practically be touching each other. Those three weeks apart left an awkward atmosphere between us.
"Are you feeling completely better now?"
"Yeah. Did you hear from soone?"
"Last night, I got a call from Satō, worrying for you. I heard it then."
"I see..."
Our feelings were still nowhere near the usual and remained sowhat distant. Even though we're in a relationship and have many secrets between us, this was how much a person's appearance could change when they're filled with anxiety.
"Let's go inside for now."
"Yeah..."
It was cold outside in winter. I decided to take Kei inside Keyaki Mall first.
"What do you want to do?"
"Originally, we were planning on seeing the Christmas tree here first."
"Yeah..."
The Christmas tree had already been removed, leaving only a large empty space.
The next ti it'd be lively and decorated again would be next year's Halloween or Christmas.
"It's too bad we couldn't see it."
"Yeah..."
Since we t up and started to move, Kei had been distant and only repeatedly said 'Yeah.'
Indeed, that was to be expected.
After all, the reason for our current separation laid with .
It'd be normal to object to going out with soone of the opposite sex while having a lover.
Moreover, if I objectively looked at my own situation, what I did could be taken as cheating, and there was no helping it.
Kei probably didn't have the courage to open such a danger-emitting door herself.
"For now, I want to apologize for the misunderstanding that occurred regarding Ichinose. I want to stand before you, bring my hands together, and bow deeply."
"...Kiyotaka..."
"It's natural for you to feel angry and worried. To be clear, there's no fault on your part at all."
"No, that's not true... I've said so harsh things too..."
"That isn't true. I think you endured it quite well."
Without berating , she only expressed her rightful dissatisfaction.
"I really wanted to apologize much earlier, but it ended up being delayed."
While apologizing, I took out a box that I had hidden in my pocket beforehand.
"What's this...?"
"It's late, but it's a Christmas present. Please accept it."
Kei slowly reached out her hand, then pulled it back. Still not completely rid of her anxiety, she showed a frightened reaction.
I touched her stiff hand and gently closed her fingers around the box.
Then I took the coat she had been holding and urged her to open it.
"Can I open it?"
"Of course."
She gathered her resolve, and while she pressed down on the bottom of the box with her left hand, she removed the lid.
What ca out of the box was a shiny necklace. She stared at it intently and raised her face in surprise.
"Did I tell you, Kiyotaka, that I wanted this...!?"
"I didn't need to hear it directly. I saw that you had searched for it many tis on your phone. You looked at a lot of other things too, but this felt the most special."
Among the jewelry I'd seen, so were more expensive than this, but considering our position as students, it'd be hard to imagine her asking for sothing overly extravagant.
First of all, I thought it was definitely the right choice...
Kei still stood frozen, holding the necklace.
"Could it be that I was wrong?"
If that was the case, it would be a blunder caused by my selfish actions.
However, Kei denied it, shaking her head vigorously left and right and clutching the necklace.
"No, you're correct...!"
"I see. That's good."
"This... isn't a dream... is it!?"
A joyful Kei, without caring about the possibility that soone might be nearby, started crying on the spot.
With this, I could judge that Kei's dependence on had reached its peak at the mont.
Even if she was forced to take unspeakable actions she would most likely carry them out.
I didn't end the relationship here.
That was because, even if I cut off Kei at this mont, it wouldn't lead to a fundantal solution.
"Kiyotaka?"
As I was lost in thought, Kei looked up at with her puzzled, moist eyes.
"You're staying tonight, right?"
With a beaming smile, Kei wrapped herself around my arm.
"Ah, I thought maybe... I wasn't any good anymore...!"
"Will you accept ?"
"Of course, isn't it obvious...?"
With the necklace still in her hand, tears welled up in Kei's eyes and began to overflow.
"So, it's really okay to... go back to the way things were?"
"Yes, back to the way things were."
"It's really, really okay to trust you, right?"
"You can trust ."
To Kei, who repeatedly sought confirmation, I embraced her and conveyed my unwavering answer.
"I'm so glad! I'm so glad!"
"We couldn't celebrate Christmas together, but let's definitely spend your birthday together."
"Yes, yes!"
Kei's birthday was March 8th.
If things went smoothly, it would be before the final exams.
Nothing would change until then.
Just like before, I'd be by her side to support and protect her if she needed it.
That was the fate of a parasitized host.
She put on the necklace and shyly wrapped her arms around .
"It's been a while... hasn't it?"
"It has. Where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere is fine. As long as I'm with you, anywhere is fine."
There was nothing more she could wish for. She answered like that and drew her body closer to mine.
"From today on, can I co to your room again?"
"It's more difficult to find a reason to refuse."
"How about taking a bath? Can I join you?"
"Of course."
"Hehehehe."
After she happily relaxed her cheeks, she wiped the tears overflowing from the corner of her eyes with the tip of her fingers.
The restoration of my relationship with her.
It was a joyful action.
Yet, why did my heart not even twitch?
Shouldn't I be more overjoyed, trembling and rejoicing together?
I don't know.
"I'm glad we made up."
Fabricated words.
With those words, Kei felt joy and happiness.
There was no sadness in not knowing such feelings.
If I didn't understand, I could repeatedly try until I did.
If it didn't work with Kei, I'd try with soone else.
By having more relationships, eventually, I'd be able to learn about love.
I might co across myself abandoned and crying in pain.
Desire arose.
An endless curiosity pushed on.
This was what it ant not to know.
There was still infinite room for learning.
"Would you like to go to karaoke after so long?"
For now, I should continue to focus on building a relationship with Kei.
To avoid making her uneasy again due to the silence, I suggested that.
"Wow, it's rare for you to suggest karaoke."
Looking back, I went to karaoke quite often, but I rarely thought about voluntarily singing, so as she said, it might've been rare.
"Recently, I've been hearing more hit songs on TV."
Kei was a good way for to check whether or not I was good enough to go out with other students for future karaoke sessions without embarrassing myself.
She raised her hand to show her agreent and answered with a smile, so the two of us started walking.
On the way, I noticed a vending machine in the break area.
Maybe even today, Yamamura was sitting between those vending machines.
"...What's wrong?"
When I stopped my feet, she tilted her head and looked at the vending machines, following my gaze.
"Are you thirsty?"
"That's not it."
I wondered what Yamamura was told after reporting to Sakayanagi.
Was she relieved of her duty, or was she watching soone else unrelated to Ryūen?
"Oh, right. Can I contact Maya-chan?"
I consented, and to avoid sending ssages while walking, I sat her down on a nearby bench.
"You want to sit next to ?"
"No, I'm going to take a look at the vending machine. There might be new interesting products."
"Got it!"
Kei happily swayed her body as she began chatting with Satō. It seed like she was reporting that we had made up and thanked her again. In the anti, I decided to head toward the vending machines in the back. Even though I thought it was unlikely that she'd be there, I still wanted to make sure.
When I peeked between the vending machines...
"Wha!?"
Unexpectedly... she was there. It was the sa scene as before—she was sitting down and holding a plastic bottle in her hand. The only difference was a partially filled eco-bag placed on the ground.
"Here we et again. Are you always here?"
"Not always... just sotis," she replied, glancing away guiltily.
"What's that?"
"Uh? Ah, this? This is a hand towel I bought as a reward for myself."
"A reward?"
"...Please don't worry about it. You seem to have made up with Karuizawa-san."
"Did you overhear that?"
"Yes. I'm good at catching such things."
She was being vague, but she ant that she was good at eavesdropping.
"I think you should leave soon. Even if it looks like you're excited about a new product, it feels a little strange when you think over it calmly."
It seed like she had picked up on the entire conversation.
I wanted to ask her about Sakayanagi's reaction, but it was related to the class situation, so she wouldn't easily answer . On the contrary, even if I asked, I might cause her more trouble.
"See you later."
"...Yes."
I left the area since it might've made it seem like I was talking to a vending machine. When I returned to the bench, just in ti, Kei seed to have wrapped up her conversation with Satō. It turned out to be the right decision to end the conversation sooner.
"Did sothing happen?"
"Nothing really. Let's go."
"Alright!"
Kei stood up energetically and approached again, linking her arm with mine.
Kei's mood had returned to normal to an unbelievable extent. It felt as if her dependency had increased even more than before.
She wanted to be together during als, baths, and even when sleeping.
Her strong desire not to let go of , even for a mont, was conveyed through our intertwining fingers.
Parasites burrowed deep, deep inside, to the point where they couldn't escape on their own.
Without fear of being absorbed, they ventured forth.
Thus, within the year, my relationship had grown even beyond what it was before, and we welcod New Year as lovers.
On a side note, the image of her happily humming while leaving the room to join the New Year's gathering with her friends was still burned into my mory.
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