I raised my heavy head then rolled myself out of bed. It wasn't like I had a fever, but I had a mild headache that had been going on for a long ti.
The reason was obvious. I had skipped five days of school with a feeling of guilt. I've never missed a day of school before, except when I was sick. Tornted by the guilt, I try to think of sothing else to wipe out the feeling, but I fail to get it out of my head. If I could just get rid of it by trying to forget about it, I wouldn't have taken five days off.
I'll have to do sothing for a change. I grabbed my cell phone and tapped on the photo folder, leaving several ssages unread, and I accessed the earliest records I had taken. Scrolling through the photos, I looked at them nostalgically.
The first photo that made stop was one taken just after I entered school, when I didn't have anyone I could call friends yet.
It was the first and only two-shot I took with Hirata-kun, who was smiling gently beside while I was still unable to smile. I'm still not very good at smiling, but I think I've improved a lot since then.
"I miss this..."
School life in Japan, where I didn't know my right from my left. Hirata-kun was the first person who helped unwind when I was surrounded by tension. At that ti, I was still unaware of my feelings of love. All I could think of was that he was good-looking, kind, and a wonderful person.
I didn't realize it because I didn't have the ti to fall in love in China, where competition was so strong and the level of study so high. I don't know when I realized that I was in love, but from the day I beca aware of it, I knew I would never put it into words.
Hirata-kun is very popular and not soone I can reach.
If I conveyed my feelings to him by mistake, it would only embarrass him. So I kept it to myself and was content to just be by his side.
"And yet..."
I was so embarrassed and scared just thinking about it again, tears welled up in my eyes.
"How can I..."
Everyone in my class knew that I liked Hirata-kun. When I changed my seat, I'm sure they noticed that I was trying to be near him, right? I don't know what I should act like when I go to school... After I ca to this conclusion, I was struck by another guilty feeling. Sakura-san, who had shown both kindness and strictness to Hasebe-san, left the school. Her feelings must have been imasurably painful. And yet, I was so full of myself that I pushed the button in favor of expulsion, just wishing that those exams would end.
"It's the worst..."
I hated myself for being such a jerk, and I was in so much pain. I'm such a burden... I was about to turn off the screen of my cell phone because I didn't want to look at myself smiling awkwardly when I rembered the email I had received from Ayanokōji-kun on Monday night. I wonder how he is feeling right now. Is he still able to go to school after having his precious friend expelled by his own hands?
If he is.. how is he doing it?
I'd like to et him and talk to him in person, so I read through the email that he sent .
[I want to talk to you in person.]
"Oh..."
Ayanokōji-kun's ssage was linked to mine, as if my feelings had beco text. A phone number and room number are attached, just in case.
Is he going to give advice?
There are a few people besides Ayanokōji-kun who are worried about . Are you okay? Do you want to listen to you? Don't force yourself, okay? While I was grateful for such kind words, I didn't feel confident that any of them would lead to a solution.
However, Ayanokōji-kun can be different...
I want you to listen to . I want to hear what you have to say.
"He wants to co to...?"
It was still 5:30 p.m.. It's early for dinner but... I think it's rude to visit him out of the blue. I paced back and forth in my room for a while, pondering, and ti just flew by.
I made up my mind and resolved to visit Ayanokōji-kun. I pick up the phone nervously. Five tis, six tis... I hear the tenth ring, and I'm wondering if I should hang up.
Ayanokōji-kun answered the call, and I panicked and shouted.
"Oh, um... this is Wang, Wang! Is this Ayanokōji-kun?"
"You called , didn't you?"
Ayanokōji-kun's slightly echoed voice and the sound of the shower running faintly reached my ears.
"Yes. I've been having trouble leaving my room for a long ti. I feel like I can get out now, so I was wondering if I could talk to Ayanokōji-kun for a minute..."
"Now?"
"Is this a bad ti...? I'm sorry for calling so suddenly. I'm not good at these things..."
Maybe it's just a bad ti and I can't do anything about it.
"I don't think so, but can you give a mont of your ti? I'll be ready in half an hour, no, twenty minutes."
Knowing how depressed I was, Ayanokōji-kun said that to .
"Oh, thank you very much! I'll be there in 20 minutes! Excuse !"
I was strangely nervous and hung up the phone imdiately, unable to stand it.
"Fuuu... I'm so thrilled."
Maybe the fact that I hadn't talked to soone in a week had an effect on . While I waited, I made myself presentable and after almost 20 minutes, I got ready and left the room. When I opened the front door, which now felt heavier than usual...
"Oh, it's there again."
There was a plastic bag placed by my door.
"They've co again today."
Inside are jellies, tea, and sandwiches.
I first noticed it on Monday night when I quietly left my room to go to the convenience store.
At first I thought that soone had just put it there by mistake, but the plastic bag contained a small piece of paper with my room number written on it. It didn't have the sender's na on it though, so I didn't know who it was.
"Oh, there's also a salad in there today but not quite my kind of salad..."
Lots of protein, and a chicken caesar salad.
Still, it's kind of nice to see that the selection changes a bit every day.
"I wonder who is doing this."
There's nothing else in the plastic bag that could be a clue, and no receipt. Thanking them, I leave it at the door for now and take the stairs to the fourth floor where Ayanokōji's room is located. I feel strangely nervous on the floors where the boys' room is located. With this in mind, I opened the door and entered the hallway, just as the door to a room opened. It looks exactly like Ayanokōji-kun's room. But the person who ca out from inside...
For a mont I wondered who it was, but it was Karuizawa-san. She didn't have her usual nice ponytail, but her hair was smooth and straight.
And the two of them were dressed roughly.
Could it be that they were on a date in their room?
If that's the case, I must have made a ridiculously annoying phone call... I almost felt depressed again, but I couldn't run back ho. My eyes t with Karuizawa-san's, who imdiately took action to look around, as if other people were watching.
"Speak of the devil, there she is." Said Karuizawa-san as she saw walking up to Ayanokōji-kuns door. "See you later, Kiyotaka!"
Nervously, I took a deep breath, and Karuizawa-san also took two deep breaths. She might say sothing about Hirata-kun.
"Ba, bye!"
?
"Eh, what?"
I brace myself, but she just says goodbye and walks past without making eye contact.
I stop her as she leaves in a hurry.
"Um, Karuizawa-san!"
"What?"
"I'm sorry... for suddenly calling Ayanokōji-kun, I'm sorry for disturbing you..."
"That's not true, not at all. Really."
"But..."
"You wanted to ask him for advice, didn't you? You're not going to call him now, right? It's best to use your newfound courage."
It seed that my feelings had been conveyed over the phone after all. Karuizawa-san stopped and ca back a bit and smiled gently at .
"Don't hesitate to ask him for advice, I guess. That guy seems to have a lot to say, but he's not very good at talking. Even then, I think he can give you an answer."
"Yes."
I've co this far, I've co this far. I have to put everything I'm thinking into it. I feel that Karuizawa-san has helped to create that kind of feeling.
"Well then, I'll be waiting for you next Monday."
She gave an encouraging pep talk and she went straight to tapping the elevator's up/down button in succession. But when she realized that the elevator wouldn't be coming soon, she left by the ergency exit stairs.
"Thank you, Karuizawa-san."
At least it didn't look like she was unhappy with .
I always had a strong impression that she was scary when she got angry, but today Karuizawa-san seed soft and kind... And now I don't have ti to think about anything else, so I hurried to Ayanokōji-kun's room.
I pressed the chi and the door opened in about 30 seconds.
Ayanokōji-kun was silent as he welcod in, so I imdiately started to get impatient.
"Oh, um, I was contacted by... and... well, I just wanted to talk to you!"
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