Classroom Of The Eli Chapter 235: Prologue: Kushida Kikyou’s Monologue

Chapter 235: Prologue: ?Kushida Kikyou's Monologue

Do people really live according to their own ideals? I do. I've grown accustod to living as my ideal self.

Ever since I could rember, I understood that I was blessed with good looks compared to other girls. I was better at morizing than most people, so I excelled at academics. I was also good at sports and confident when it ca to socializing.

Not only am I nimble with my fingers, but I'm also quick-witted enough to adapt to any unexpected situation.

Then, am I a perfect person?

If you were to ask

this, my answer would be 'no'. In this world, there are girls far more beautiful than , people smarter than , and many more who are better at sports than . Of course, sothing like this is only natural.

However, I think there are things people absolutely don't want to lose at.

Whether it's looks, academics, video gas, or singing.

When you lose to soone in your area of expertise, anyone would begin to feel frustrated.

For , as soone completely above average, this led to the developnt of a huge inferiority complex.

I'm the type of person whose feelings would be greatly shaken whenever I lost to soone close to . Every ti I lost, darkness would grow in my heart. Sotis I would throw up due to the intense stress.

Reality is cruel like that. I know I'm not ordinary, but I'm also definitely not a genius.

Everything was good when I was younger. Everyone would pamper

for accomplishing even the simplest of tasks.

They would praise

as a genius, a child prodigy. It felt good. My heart would pound with excitent.

I was the best at whatever I did in class. I was the hero of the class, it's idol.

After I got to middle school, I started eting people who were superior to

in each field.

These were people that I had no chance of beating. This reality weighed heavily on my heart.

So I searched for a way out. To escape from this suffering.

I wanted to find a field where I wouldn't lose to anyone. I wanted people's respect. I wanted people's envy. However, I wouldn't be able to match up with others in academics or sports.

As such, the answer that I arrived at was─── I would get people to 'trust'

more than anyone else.

I would regain the feeling of superiority by being more popular than anyone else.

I would extend my hand to boys so disgusting that just seeing them would feel unpleasant, and to girls so irritatingly ugly it would make your stomach turn. I would repress my emotions, put on a fake smile, and spread a false kindness.

So I beca popular. Classmates, senpais, kouhais, teachers, parents, and even strangers I t while walking the halls.

I beca soone who was liked by everyone, and in this, I couldn't lose to anyone.

The day I realized that, I was truly happy.

I ca to understand sothing else on that sa day. Trust is similar to exquisite sake, it is developed with ti and delicate care.

And hidden behind this trust, lies an existence called 'secrets'.

When sobody truly trusts soone else from the bottom of their heart, they disclose the secrets they keep inside them.

I knew the secret crush of the most popular boy in class, as well as the unexpected troubles of the smartest person in class. From the most serious secrets to the most trivial ones, I took control of them all. I collected information. Every ti I made a new friend and was able to listen to soone's worries, my heart would pound with excitent once again.

I trembled with delight every ti I learned soone else's secrets, things as important to them as their very own lives.

I was the most trusted person around. Keeping it this way beca what gave my life aning.

But there was sothing I didn't notice at the ti.

That trust can only be gained from living a life plastered with lies.

I spent every day living with an enormous amount of stress in my heart.

And then... that incident happened. Everything changed. I couldn't stop myself───

But that can't be helped.

After all, everyone rejected .

It can't be helped.

Because they hurt , they can't complain even if I hurt them in return.

If you're attacked, you attack back.

Isn't it obvious?

But because of that, the 'ideal ' that everyone once saw was broken.

Everyone's respect and envy disappeared, replaced by fear and hatred.

I didn't want it to turn out this way.

I only wanted one thing.

To be trusted by everyone.

To gain that 'feeling of superiority' once again.

That's why I swore I'd never repeat my mistakes.

That's why I'm so excited about starting my new high school life.

That's why this ti, I must succeed.

That's why I'm so determined.

But still...

Still, still, still...

The entrance ceremony, which was supposed to be the first step towards my new life, turned into my worst nightmare instead.

I reunited with Horikita Suzune on the bus to school.

She's the one person who knows about "the incident" at this school.

As long as she's still here, I will never know true peace.