Capybara in the Water (1)
I headed straight for the dorm as soon as I returned to the academy from the Capital. Once there, I automatically lay down on the bed, feeling so numb. This was the first ti Ive felt so unwilling to move.
It felt like I found out sothing I shouldnt have. There was no turning back now. Maybe I could have remained ignorant before I knew the truth, but I couldnt go back to the way things were now that I knew.
When taking additional wives, a man cant marry soone of higher status than his first wife.
That was what Irina said at oppas mansion. That simple sentence stuck in my mind like a thorn. I sohow couldnt forget it, and I couldnt just let it go.
I never knew it was possible to have multiple wives. Father had only one wife, my mother, and the other noble families we interacted with were the sa. So, I thought having one wife was a common practice. I lived in that kind of world.
But on further thought, all those families were of lower nobility than barons. As soone from Naird, a baronial family, we didnt interact with the higher nobility such as counts or higher. How could I know how the higher nobles structured their families?
Oppa will soon be an Imperial Count, and his future position as a Minister is almost assured. Its not strange for him to have multiple wives.
Oppa was destined to be an Imperial Count directly under the Emperor and even beco a Minister soon, given his age.
It wasnt strange for a man of such high status and position to have multiple wives. Hearing that, I almost burst into tears.
I thought it was too late. After seeing how close oppa had beco to Senior, I realized my feelings for him and thought I had no chance. Even if I had realized sooner, I believed I couldnt compete with Senior, who had fallen for him first.
If that were the case, then I should have never known. If I had never known about my feelings for oppa, I wouldnt have had to suffer so much. I cried so much inside in that mont.
Its not too late.
Having multiple wives wasnt an uncommon thing among the nobility. There were even rules for the first wife, so it must be a common practice. Then, then maybe I
When I placed my hand on my chest, it felt like my heart was racing more wildly than usual. I would inherit a title, too. It might not be as high as oppas or Seniors, but I could beco one of the titled nobles. In that case, I wouldnt be lacking to beco the wife of an Imperial Count.
Just in case Irina was mistaken, I even contacted Father, who held a noble title, to confirm. He should know for sure.
Thats right. The world of higher nobility is complex, and so are their marriages.
It was confird. Irina, a young countess, and father both shared the sa opinion. With such cross-verification, it couldnt be wrong.
Father.
Whats the matter?
Um, what do you think about having multiple wives?
Father seed puzzled by the sudden question, but he still answered.
He said there must be a good reason if a nobleman had to marry again, and that taking a new wife required the consent of the existing wives. He also said that it wasnt sothing for outsiders to worry about.
So dont think too strangely about it.
Ah, yes.
Luckily, Father didnt seem opposed to the idea of having multiple wives. Still, I didnt ntion that I wanted to be one of them.
After all, Father had advised not to think too strangely about it. He said there must be good reasons. He would understand. He would surely understand.
So, I shouldnt hesitate. I nearly missed my chance with oppa because I couldnt be honest. Now that Ive been miraculously given another opportunity, I cant let it slip away.
I need to be brave to be with oppa. But first
The consent of the existing wives.
Not only did I need oppas love, but also Seniors consent.
I rummaged through my past mories. Had I ever been disrespectful to Senior or made her dislike ?
Have I?
There was that one ti I got scolded by her, but there werent any major incidents aside from that. In fact, we had a relatively uneventful relationship as senior and junior.
However, this was my perspective. She might secretly harbor resentnt towards .
My heart started to flutter in a different way than before. If I couldnt earn oppas love because I wasnt good enough, then that was one thing. But I might just cry myself to exhaustion if I couldnt beco his wife because of Seniors opposition.
I cant make her dislike .
I must not be disliked at any cost. If I focus only on winning oppas love and ended up being disliked by Senior, it wont just end with falling apart. They might even end up in a conflict.
I need to keep quiet for a while.
While it was true that oppa and Senior have beco closer, the problem was they havent formalized their relationship with an engagent yet.
There was a difference between being the first and the first to be officially recognized. If I show affection to oppa before theyre engaged, I might face Seniors wrath. She might think Im trying to steal her place.
You sneaky cat!
I couldnt help but break out in a cold sweat at the thought of Senior grabbing by the hair and shaking rcilessly.
Truthfully, I dont want to stay quiet. I feel envious every ti I see oppa and Senior getting along well. I wanted to love oppa like Senior did. I also wanted to be loved by him.
But if I acted on my feelings before Senior beca his official fiance, I wouldnt receive love but sothing else entirely. So, I had to be patient. Rushing things could lead to a disaster.
I wish they would get engaged soon.
I wished for it so earnestly that it slipped out unintentionally.
Honestly, it seed like it might happen soon. Maybe within this year? Surely they wont wait until after Senior graduated, right?
I had no future if I incurred Seniors wrath, so I have to restrain my feelings towards oppa for a while. However, that didnt an I should just do nothing.
In fact, there was sothing I needed to quickly do before I could show oppa my feelings.
I cant delay it any longer.
I had been hiding behind my past and using my trauma as an excuse to pretend not to notice my fellow mbers affections.
It was a cowardly and foolish thing to do. What was even more cowardly was that I developed feelings for soone else while doing it.
I had sworn to treat everyone fairly without picking favorites, but that promise had crumbled. Treating my fellow mbers the sa way as before in this situation would be a great discourtesy to them. I couldnt afford to make it any worser.
My heart already belonged elsewhere; neglecting my fellow mbers feelings any longer was a despicable act.
So, I waited until the start of the sester. I waited for the club ti, where everyone would naturally gather.
Thankfully, or maybe due to Enens help, oppa was also absent from the club room.
Louise, is sothing wrong?
You look a bit gloomy.
I was relieved that oppa wasnt there, but I also felt guilty. I had been ignoring these kids who cared about , and now I had to push them away.
Im sorry.
Im really sorry.
Now, I must tell them everything. That I intentionally ignored their kindness, that I knew but turned a blind eye, and that I was sorry for only saying this now.
I even had to say that I wasnt worthy of their feelings.
It was already late for to be saying this, but not saying it at all would be disrespectful to them
Respect?
Suddenly, I was overwheld with self-loathing. Did I even have the right to speak of respect? It sounded as if I was considering the club mbers feelings, as if I was doing this for them.
No. I wasnt doing this for them at all. I was just doing it because I couldnt be at peace. If I hadnt realized my feelings for oppa, I might have kept my mouth shut forever.
Ive been pretending to be considerate in such a brazen manner. I really was a cowardly and selfish person until the end.
My head drooped helplessly. I couldnt bring myself to look the club mbers in the eye.
Lady Louise.
Ainters voice seed to scold , making my body tremble. It was quite sothing for , a barons daughter, to be rebuked by a prince.
Please speak comfortably.
However, Ainters words were far from a scolding.
I dont know whats on your mind, or what you want to say. Unfortunately, I dont have the ability to read minds.
With a small laugh, Ainter continued. His tone was warm, as if trying to reassure .
That said, I am curious to hear what Lady Louise wants to say. Im ready to listen to anything you have to say.
Upon hearing this, I cautiously raised my head and saw Ainter smiling at .
Your Highness, youe not a very good speaker.
Youve already said what I was going to say.
Haha. Brother Ainter isnt much of a talker, is he? Well, they say that practice makes perfect.
Erich, why are you being so quiet?
Because Im an Imperial, unlike you.
The conversation behind Ainter inadvertently made smile.
They were obviously exaggerating to lighten my mood. It was so obvious. Even a play wouldnt have such dialogue.
Um
But after seeing them like that, I couldnt hesitate anymore.
I have sothing to say.
Saying this might turn their kindness into resentnt. It could even lead to the collapse of the club.
Ive actually known all along, but pretended not to.
Still, I had to say it, just like I did with oppa.
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