The Weight of a Na
As soon as Victor said her na, the darkness itself froze, as if even the wind was holding its breath to hear.
"S–Sasha."
The na slipped from his mouth like a delicate glass, shaking with a burden neither of them had had the courage to touch for so many years. It hung in the air, gentle and keen, cutting through the silence like a wire of steel. Behind her, the fountain whispered, water falling over stone in soft whispers that wrapped around the tone of his voice. Moonlight danced across the surface, scattering silver through her hair, making it strands of gold that shone like starlight caught in silk.
Her chest constricted. That voice—his voice—struck her like a sudden, unforgettable tune, one she hadn’t known she’d been carrying around inside her all these years. mories ca flooding, a tide of warmth and pain intertwined, so her breath shuddered in her throat. Fists clenched in her lap, knuckles white as a small shiver danced through her arms, a quiver she could not conceal. She had dread of this mont eternally—him saying her na, sotis in rage, sotis in yearning, sotis in the hush of loneliness.
But this was not anything she had dread.
It was other. Naked. Reduced to its most basic reality.
Her throat ached, a hard clench of all the words she had kept hidden, all the bla, all the last hopes that had never been voiced. Her heart seed to be breaking, pulled in two different directions by relief and remorse, by the recollection of a past that had broken them and the tentative flicker of sothing still between them.
She attempted to speak. She needed to scream, to ask questions, to unleash all she had bottled up inside. But the words suffocated in transit, silenced sowhere buried deep within her chest. What escaped her instead was a shaking breath, half exhale, half sob, a breakable sound that hardly seed hers.
Her thoughts whirled. Why now? Why after all these years? The question hung in the air, unspoken, weighted, unbearably intimate, and she felt the darkness closing in on them, as if it sensed that she would have no option but to feel it all at once.
Victor stopped several feet off. Her appearance paralyzed him, took the breath from his chest. She was so still, a tableau of frail composure, but the subtle shaking of her hands belied the tempest raging beneath. It cut him deeper than any sword ever could. She seed delicate, almost brittle, yet there was sothing in her that had suffered too much to break. Even in agony, she moved with quiet pride, a defiance that pushed against his chest like a burden he’d believed was long gone. His heart hurt in ways it hadn’t in years, a dull, constant tug he could not shake.
He had known lust, true. Won had flowed through his life like fireflies, teaching him every color of yearning, of lust, and of the solace in fleeting contact. But none of them—none—ever hung around like this. Sasha wasn’t a woman you forgot about because of a kiss or a single whispered sentence in the dark. She was an injury that had never quite healed, a scar that pulsed softly regardless of how much ti worked to cover it up. And seeing her again ripped at sothing he’d managed to fool himself was long gone.
Gods... he gasped, the term escaping like smoke on the wind. How could I have been so a fool?
He advanced slowly, solemn nearly, hearing the crunch of brittle leaves as he stepped. The sound cut through the stillness of the moonlit garden, and she winced—just a little, hard enough for him to see. Her knuckles whitened around the edge of the stone bench, her fingers digging into it as if to hold on. He saw all of it—the part of her that wanted to run, that called to her legs to move—but she did not move.
So he continued to walk, every step intentional, until the distance between them felt to be filled with potential. He approached her, increntally and deliberately, until he was there. Victor did not say anything. He just sat down beside her on the bench, creating a narrow avenue of air between them—the kind that might disappear with one heartbeat or last for ever.
Silence was what enveloped them, but it wasn’t vacant. It pulsed with all the things they hadn’t said, with each idea they had put beneath the surface, with every desire left unfounded. The fountain sang softly in the background, the breeze flirted with threads of her hair on her cheeks, and his own heart beat like a warning in his head.
Victor slouched forward, elbows on knees, hands loosely clasped. The night air was cold against his throat, cutting and alive. When he finally released it, the sound was little more than a whisper, thin and true.
"...Sorry."
It was fragile, almost silent, but it cut through the quiet like a knife through glass.
Sasha winced, her shoulders bracing. Her face tilted, just enough so he could catch the slight tremble of her jaw. Her golden eyes locked with his for a mont—tremulous, questioning—before she glanced away again, up to the moon as if it could give her courage.
For the first ti in years, Victor let himself truly see her. The soft glow of the fountain light touched her skin, tracing over her face with a gentle gentleness. She wasn’t the perfect girl he recalled. She was more authentic now—lovely in the small flaws ti had etched upon her. The small crease between her eyes, the nervous movent of her lashes, the tension in the pressing of her lips as she struggled to remain calm. It struck him harder than he was prepared for.
She’s changed, he believed, his heart constricting. So has she.
And yet. she was Sasha. The sa girl who had laughed too easily, had argued with him just to see how he’d react, had waited outside the training grounds no matter how long he kept her waiting—just so they could walk ho together.
Now, she
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