First, thank you to halffriedChicken and Lol foffy for the ko-fi donations! Your bonus chapters will be uploaded tomorrow!
These are promised 5 bonus chapters~ But since today is Monday, that ans there's also a normal chapter upload. So, there will be 3 chapter uploads at Tuesday!
Returning to the Shen family's house, it was the first ti that Jian Xingsui ca back again after a month.
Different from the previous temporary stay, this ti he ca back as a part of the family. Jian Xingsui stepped on the garden path and walked into the gate, his hand was held by Xu Enzhen all the ti.
Shen Xingchen cheerfully said, "We'll have dinner later!"
Xu Enzhen took Jian Xingsui's hand and said, "My son, let's go, I'll take you to see your room."
Jian Xingsui hesitated, "My own… room?"
Xu Enzhen nodded, and replied: "Of course!"
Shen Yong handed his suit jacket to Auntie Wu, and told Jian Xingsui while changing his shoes: "It was prepared for you when you were born, and it has been kept all these years. "
Jian Xingsui's eyes widened in surprise.
He was dragged up to the second floor by Xu Enzhen, and the mont the door of the room was opened, he froze in place, mouth open without a sound.
The room was spacious and bright, with big floor-to-ceiling windows, and small blue curtains hanging covering the windows. The beds were neatly made with fresh sheets. Beside that, there was a small desk, small wardrobe, and through the wardrobe's transparent door, he could see many stacks of small, baby clothes.
But those weren't the things that shocked him the most.
On the carpeted floor, on the cabinets, stacked on the desk… were all unopened gift boxes, all still wrapped neatly with festive papers.
Xu Enzhen whispered, "Every year, Mom prepared a gift for you. And it's been… quite long, isn't it? It's becoming quite a tall pile now."
She took a step forward and walked to those gifts. She picked them up one by one, while muttering, "This is a gold lock bracelet, this is a toy car, this is a limited edition Ultraman suit, this is a small scarf and clothes I knitted myself, this is the latest ga console a decade back, this is a complete fairy tale collection, and this—"
While listing all the ungifted presents, Xu Enzhen's eyes began to feel sore again. The sad mories ca back like a deluge, making her rember those lonely days where she picked a gift for her dead child despite everyone trying to softly prevent her. Now that the gifts were slowly getting opened, she should be happy, but still, her tears dripped down slowly.
So of those gifts were prepared many, many years ago. They were very old, but they were still in great condition. It's clear that Xu Enzhen very often dusted them off and made sure they were still usable.
Xu Enzhen was a little choked up, a ssy mixture of sadness and joy, but she still continued talking, "Everyti the date is near, Mom always thinks about how old you would be. What would you like? But Mom doesn't know that, so I could only guess…"
Halfway through her words, soone knelt down in front of her and held her hand.
Xu Enzhen raised her head and t Jian Xingsui's clear eyes. Her own reflection was reflected in his eyes – a frail woman with reddened, puffy eyes.
Her son said in a comforting tone, "I like them, I like them all very much."
Jian Xingsui reached out for one of the oldest gifts. He carefully traced the old, unopened box with a sad smile. His voice was almost inaudible, broken by a sob he swallowed down, "Thank you, Mom."
Xu Enzhen's heart was filled with joy and happiness in an instant, and she let out a muffled squeal of joy. She hugged Jian Xingsui tightly, both were now kneeling on the ground, surrounded by a huge pile of gift boxes.
Over the years, she has never let herself go, living in the shadows and standing still. No one could empathize with the grief of a mother who lost her child. In her eyes, everyone around her was slowly able to restart their own lives. Everyone was moving forward, except her. She was left behind, alone, with a hole in her heart that died out when her baby died.
Everyone said that she had a ntal problem, that she should restrain her grief and try to move on. The dead couldn't be brought back to the land of the living. She should look forward, if only for the sake of her two living sons. She didn't need to be taught this kind of truth, didn't she understand it herself?
It's not that she was not aware of how unhealthy her obsession was. It's just that… she's afraid if she "moved on", it ant she abandoned her youngest son. She felt that by rembering him, it ant that she truly loves him.
For her, sustaining herself by sheer delusion was enough. She could live on the dream she built herself.
"Suisui…" Xu Enzhen's voice was a little hoarse, but it seed that she finally said what couldn't say all these years, "Mom is at fault… can you forgive ?"
In her eyes, if she was just more insistent on seeing her baby, if she was just more stubborn in digging up the truth, if she just followed her guts and asked for a paternity test with that dead baby… maybe…
Her spiralling mind was cut short by a gentle voice bringing her back, reminding her of the reality.
"It's okay, Mom. It's all over. It's all over…"
Xu Enzhen seed to have finally let go of the big rock blocking her heart.
Shen Xingchen suddenly ca behind both of them. He barreled without manners, bringing a sunshine inside with him, "Mom, it's okay to cry, but let's stop for now, mkay? It'll hurt your body. Besides, we will have dinner downstairs in a while."
"Ohhh hey, hey, why do you only introduce the things you bought yourself? I bought gifts for my didi too!"
This young master was an expert at destroying the atmosphere. Jian Xingsui was glad for this attribute of his.
Jian Xingsui looked at him in surprise, and asked in confusion, "What…?"
Shen Xingchen walked to the cabinet next to him, opened it, and said, "Dang dang dang! I bought these gifts for you! I have had pocket money since I was five years old, so as an exemplary gege1if you don't know my own internal rule on using "older brother" vs "ge/gege" it's this: if it's used in a dialogue for addressing soone, I use the Chinese term. For anything else, I use the translated version., I have to use a portion of it for spoiling my didi!"
Shen Xingchen was the only one in the family who didn't know the birthday of his dead younger brother, but he would also leave a birthday present for his younger brother every year on his own birthday.
"Look at this, Kingkong toy!"
"Ohhh I rember this, this is a small toy airplane I made myself, aren't I amazing?"
"And this, a clay sculpture of Doraemon."
In addition to these, there are many precious things in this cabinet. It was given from Shen Yong and Shen Minglang. The doctor said that Xu Enzhen had a ntal problem, and it's best to help her move one. No one in the family chose the "hard" approach, and instead, they supported her endeavor in rembering her child, and helped commorate every birthday with her. They hoped that if she knew that her family supported them, it would lessen her guilt, and make her able to move on easier.
Shen Minglang also ca inside the room. He stood in front of the cabinet and said in a low voice, "I also gifted you from your first birthday to your twentieth. Here… are all of them. The most precious of which is this painting – this is a collection I bought in country M2probably referring to Arica, and it's one of a kind. It is considered priceless now, and it is said to be a good-luck charm. It can keep people self, and protect them from danger, or so the rumors go."
As expected of the big brother who always talked about money and interests, he still didn't forget to introduce the value of the gift even during this mont.
On the surface, Shen Minglang was stating that every gift was valuable. But in fact, he was trying to get extra favors from Jian Xingsui, by hinting that his gift is the best and the most thoughtful. He wanted to be the next person in the family to be called with a familial appellation. At least, he wanted to win against his father.
It's a pity that Jian Xingsui didn't understand this hidden aning. His mind was still muddled from all his emotional roller-coaster, so he could only say, "Thank you, thank you…"
Shen Minglang still hadn't given up, though, "…no need to give thanks. It's my duty as an older brother."
Jian Xingsui was a little nervous in facing Shen Minglang. Just as he was about to change his words, Shen Yong stepped forward and pulled up his wife and children who were squatting on the ground. This was the first ti he t Jian Xingsui today, but as the patriarch of the family and the head of a whole conglorate, he was very used to keeping his composure in face of everything. Standing in front of Jian Xingsui, he lowered his head and said, "You don't need to be so polite, this will be your ho from now on."
Jian Xingsui's hand subconsciously curled up.
He lowered his head, but Shen Yong's palm covered his head, his deep voice was a bit solemn, and it contained the imperceptible tenderness of a father towards his child, "I'm not showing you these gifts to make you sad. I just want to tell you that you have always been a part of this family, and we are all looking forward to welcoming you ho."
Jian Xingsui's body shook. He had been worrying about these things, but unexpectedly his insecurities were seen through in a glance. The feeling of being understood and cared for tenderly made him a little at a loss, and his eyes turned red instantly.
Shen Yong wanted to say sothing, but there was a knock on the door outside.
Auntie Wu said as she knocked on the door, "Sir, Madam, Young Masters, the food is ready."
Shen Xingchen cheered, "That's great, I've starved to death a long ti ago ."
Shen Minglang instantly snarked at him, "You just ate not long ago. What kind of celebrity are you? A pig?"
Jian Xingsui was standing between them, and he was a bit terrified at what to do.
Xu Enzhen pursed her lips and smiled. She ca over and stretched out her hand to interrupt the quarrel between the two of them, "Okay, okay, don't press Suisui. You two are overweight, you'll crush him."
Shen Xingchen yelled indignantly, "Mooooom! Why are you like this? Do you also despise for being fat!"
The family walked downstairs while bickering. Although it was a bit noisy, it was a pleasant buzz against his ear. It felt like this was what a family should sound like. Jian Xingsui's mind was blank, as was used to being alone. The mont he was surrounded by excitent, it felt unreal so he just… beca silent.
Soone patted him on the back.
Jian Xingsui turned around, Xu Enzhen held his hand and said, "What are you thinking, Suisui? As for dinner, I made chicken soup before I left. There should be egg noodles today. Mom will serve you a bowl later, okay?"
Jian Xingsui squeezed her hand back, trying to ground himself in this unreal reality.
He threw away his insecurity, even if just for a mont, nodded at his mother, and responded, "Okay!"
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