Tori’s POV
After the night I spent with Cayden, I had expected to see him again, but I didn’t.
He never once ca to visit. There was no compassion, no concern, and no want or desire from him.
I was nothing more than a task—a tool he needed.
I had no clue how I was gonna get through all that waiting around. Kas, figuring I might be going stir-crazy, showed up with so paint, and we set about fixing up the nursery.
"I’m thinking of painting this nursery a baby blue," I said. I knew I’d never get to raise the kid and see it grow, but I wanted to do sothing for it all the sa.
Just the thought of never laying eyes on the baby again after it was born made my eyes sting. Kas asked if I was okay, and I just said I was good. So we got to work with that paint, and Kas told it was the kind that was safe for expectant moms to use.
I really appreciated her looking out for like that.
After we got the room all done up, Kas and the others were tied up with other stuff for a few days. But, you know, I eventually found so little things to keep myself occupied.
Art had beco a big one, and when Kas realized I loved to dance, she made sure I had everything set up in my own private art studio .
Days turned into weeks, and, before I knew it, I began to lose track of ti.
The vast green fields around the Black Shadow pack were beautiful. The peaceful village could be seen from the pack house, and the golden sunshine made everything seem upbeat and hopeful.
I loved dancing in the sunny and empty room the most—it reminded of his clear blue eyes.
A soft knocking at the door to the dance room had turning my head to see who was there. To my surprise, Ava stood in the doorway, smiling at .
“Hello, Ava...” I stopped dancing, turned off the music, and walked toward her with a smile. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I was just wondering if you would like to take a trip with to the clinic.”
For a mont I was confused as to why I would need to go, and then the realization hit . I nodded. “Of course. Is Jace coming?”
“He is going to et us there. He needs to take care of sothing first and asked to co get you and start.”
Ava was as kind as always, but I was a bit scared.
What would happen if I wasn’t pregnant?
My hand instinctively went to my stomach. Please... Goddess, let be carrying his child. Not just because of the thought of what Cayden would do if I wasn’t, but also because, deep down, a part of wanted to be...
I didn’t know when it had started, the idea that a small little life was growing within filled my heart with happiness.
To Cayden, to the pack, I was fulfilling my duty; but as the days went by, it felt less and less like a job for .
I wanted to be pregnant!
I wanted to carry his child—my child.
Moving from my seat, I joined Ava, and we headed down the hall towards the pack clinic.
As we stepped through the clinic doors, my eyes stayed cast to the floor. The soft click of a knob, and Ava was ushering into an empty patient room. The white paper of the exam table felt uncomfortable against my legs. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but when she pulled out a needle, my eyes widened.
“We have to do a blood test, sweetie. It’s more effective than a normal pregnancy test.”
She must have seen the concern in my eyes by her response, and when she explained, I relaxed a little and allowed her to do what she needed to do. I was only a short while away from finding out if a life was growing within . Deep breathing!
Please be positive, please be positive!
As Ava withdrew the needle and filled a small tube with the blood she collected, I sat back with a small smile, thinking about what the next few months would entail with being pregnant. How I would feel the small child growing within —every little kick and movent.
A short, blonde-haired woman knocked on the door, pulling from my thoughts. I watched as Ava handed her the sample and then she quietly left.
The worry over the results made more unsure than anything. I couldn’t stop going over scenarios in my mind as to what would happen if I wasn’t pregnant, and what would happen if I was.
Stop being so negative, Tori, I thought. Everything was going to be okay.
“So, Tori,” Ava finally said, turning to face with a smile. “How have you been feeling?”
“I’m okay, I guess.” My response ca out softer and flatter than I had ant it to, and she seed to notice. “Just trying to keep busy.”
“What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well...?”
I shook my head. “No, it isn’t that.”
“Well, what’s wrong?” she asked again. “I am your doctor, and if sothing’s wrong, I need to know.”
I hesitated, scared and unsure. I didn’t want to cause trouble by complaining.
“I just..” I paused for a mont. “I miss going outside... to the mall.”
As soon as I spoke, the door opened, and Jace walked in. Had he heard what I said? I didn’t want to be a burden by complaining, and I didn’t want Cayden to get angry because of it.
“You haven’t been outside?” Ava asked confusedly before turning to Jace. “Why hasn’t she been outside?”
Jace was silent for a mont, looking between the two of us. “The Alpha doesn’t want her to leave the house. He wants her close. I’m just following orders.”
“She has to get fresh air and sun. It’s important for her health.”
I heard the disapproval in Ava’s voice, and I clenched my fists nervously. I hadn’t ant for this to be a big deal, and now I was filled with regret for bringing it up.
Jace sighed, nodding his head. “I will let the Alpha know.”
I quickly sputtered, “I don’t want to bother him. It’s okay. I will just open the windows like I usually do.”
I didn’t want Cayden to find out that I was complaining—to give him a reason to be upset with .
“No, Tori,” Ava said. “You need to go outside and get so fresh air every day.”
“Please, it’s okay. Please don’t say anything to him,” I stamred out again. I was pleading with her to let the matter go.
Having Cayden be upset at because I disagreed with his orders was not sothing I wanted to experience.
“Very well...”
There was a knock at the door. The blonde-haired woman ca in and handed Ava a piece of paper before exiting again.
All three of us went silent. I never knew that my heart could flutter the way it did in that mont.
I watched as Ava looked over the paper. Her brow furrowed, and she sighed before looking up at . I knew without words what the results were—
“So, no pregnancy yet.”
Ava was officially informing Jace.
Instantly, a part of ached for the loss of sothing I never held. I didn’t know whether I was more disappointed at the situation or at myself. I felt like a failure. I didn’t conceive...was there sothing wrong with ? What if I couldn’t have kids at all?
The thought filled with fear. What was going to happen? Would the Alpha ever look at again...? He had already given a second chance. What would happen to ... and my pack?
The thoughts swirled around , making dizzy. I couldn’t control the panic that flooded , and as it did, my breathing beca heavier, and I beca more lightheaded.
My hands instinctively reached out to grab the table beneath as the tears pricked my eyes.
Ava noticed my reaction and rushed over imdiately. “Tori, it’s okay. Deep breaths... In through your nose, and out through your mouth...”
“Miss Tori?” Jace asked in a concerned voice, stepping closer. Ava ignored him, not taking her eyes off .
As the tears began to flow down my cheeks, I was completely ashad of myself. I hadn’t been able to do the one thing I was bought to do. I tried everything I could, and I thought I was ready, but I didn’t give him the child he wanted.
I had imagined being a mother. I had grown to like the idea of giving life to a child. And now it was gone.
“Tori, sweetie...” Ava softly wrapped her arms around . “It’s okay... It will happen when it’s ant to.”
Once I started to calm down slowly, Jace spoke. “What do we do next, Ava?”
“Well, it may take a few tis, but we should be able to analyze when her fertility is highest and pinpoint when the best ti is for her to conceive.”
Ava sounded confident in her statent, but it didn’t make feel better.
My eyes widened. A few tis...did I hear her wrong? Did she an...?
She pulled back, smiling at , grabbing a paper cup and filling it with water before handing it to . “We will get her set up, and she and Cayden will have to try again.”
I would sleep with him again.
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