The shocking part is that I can’t even sense exactly what kind of emotion I let leak out.
But I definitely perford an emotional transfer. Just like when Clyde stabbed my neck and the emotion splashed over to Kyle, unintentionally, I let my emotions spill onto my kin.
What did I transfer?
It certainly wasn’t anything willing or pleasant.
It’s fortunate the transfer was cut off quickly.
My body trembled with sha and guilt dragged up by my mories.
“Hilde.”
So when I woke up and saw Yun looking down at with his usual calm expression, I felt relieved.
“You awake?”
I saw my shooter sitting beside the bed.
A pale, quiet room.
I couldn’t quite grasp the situation. My mories were patchy. I rembered entering the Core while listening to Samuel’s irritated nagging. I also rembered waking up in the ICU and confirming that the mission had ended safely.
Do I still have a fever?
“Yun.”
When I called his na, Yun lifted an eyebrow slightly.
I cleared my hoarse throat.
“What happened?”
“You don’t rember going into shock?”
Yun said.
“Acute sepsis. You made it through the worst, though.”
“I went into shock?”
Yun gave a small nod.
I let out a long breath.
And I thought again how fortunate it was that the person by my side right now was Yun. He was soone who wouldn’t get flustered and would handle things objectively.
True to that, my shooter quietly went to fetch Samuel and ca back.
Samuel rushed in, drew blood, ran a few checks, then finally let out a relieved sigh.
“You pulled through. As long as recovery goes smoothly, you’ll be fine.”
“Thank you every ti, Doctor.”
“Be grateful to the kids who were pacing back and forth worrying about you.”
The doctor scribbled sothing on his pad.
“Do you know how worried they were? For five days straight, they took turns staying by your side without leaving. When your condition suddenly worsened three days ago, they all turned white as sheets.”
Five days?
My mouth fell open.
“It’s already been five days?”
“Yeah.”
Samuel gave a brief explanation.
It was simple. Acute sepsis hit . Fever and inflammatory markers skyrocketed, and I went back and forth on the edge between life and death. I don’t rember it well.... Apparently my temperature spiked to 40 degrees, and I drifted in and out of consciousness.
But now, he said with a faint smile, my inflammation levels had dropped a lot.
“Get so more sleep.”
That’s what he told , and to Yun he added,
“Call if anything cos up.”
Then he disappeared out of the room.
Once again, it was just Yun and . The corridor outside was extrely quiet. I was in a double room. There was clearly another patient assigned to the bed next to mine, but they weren’t here right now.
I’d find out who my roommate was soon enough.
More importantly....
I lifted my hand, cluttered with tubes and lines, and lightly tapped Yun’s arm.
“I’m sorry for worrying you. Could you explain what I missed over these five days?”
“First of all, the mission’s over. There were injuries, but no fatalities.”
Yun glanced at the watch on his wrist.
A space sharply defined by the presence of white bulb light. Beyond the curtain, it seed like the sun had already set.
I nodded and asked,
“Could you also explain the process of my rampage?”
“Why?”
A look of puzzlent crossed Yun’s face.
“What difference does knowing make?”
“I thought it might help understand better how to stop it next ti.”
I told a suitably harmless lie.
If I said I wanted to apologize to the seniors after hearing it, he probably wouldn’t understand. He’d say sothing like, ‘You didn’t intend it, so there’s nothing to apologize for.’
Yun studied with his pitch-black eyes.
“Alright.”
Guess I gave the right answer.
“From start to finish?”
“Yes.”
Yun did as I asked.
Throughout his explanation, there was no value judgnt to speak of. Even when he said he made a junior say “I love you,” or when he ntioned that I’d punched him so hard his insides were basically shredded—yet recovered within five minutes—there was no emotion in his voice.
Only my stomach twisted as I listened.
It was only after he finished speaking that Yun seed to notice I had my face covered with my hands.
“What’s wrong?”
Once again, I thought how fortunate it was that the first person I saw upon waking was Yun.
“It’s nothing.”
After lowering my hands, I muttered,
“I’m sorry, Yun. Even if it wasn’t intentional, I apologize for crushing your insides with my fist and choking your neck.”
“Oh, sure. There’s no real need to apologize, though.”
“...What about the others....”
“They’re taking turns keeping watch. They’ll co by as ti passes.”
“Ah.”
“The rescue team and Jonathan Kudo are rotating. Up to a point, your subordinates were here too.”
The last addition was oddly phrased.
I blinked, trying to process Yun’s words.
Seeing the confusion on my face, Yun crossed his legs and added,
“You said you didn’t want visits from your subordinates. Don’t you rember?”
I covered my face again.
I didn’t rember. I didn’t rember, but it felt like sothing {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} I would’ve said.
My insides twisted with sha and guilt.
What kind of emotion did I send flying?
Still covering my face, I clutched my head.
What did I recklessly transfer to them? I wanted to ask, but I didn’t have the courage, and I didn’t want to face the problem head-on right now.
“I suppose I did.”
So I just mumbled.
“Thank you for coming to see . I know you’re busy.”
Yun rely shrugged.
Then, for a while, he didn’t speak to . With his arms crossed, he carefully observed lying in bed.
The silence was rather welco.
I stared at the ceiling, lost in thought.
The flood of information that hit the mont I woke up was overwhelming. What I’d done to my seniors, and what I’d done to my kin, all weighed heavily on my stomach.
My sixth sense was still empty. I couldn’t feel any of the malice-filled emotions enemies used to send out.
Ricardo was right. Forgetting and losing are different things.
But I didn’t have the courage to face the issue yet.
For now, I decided to believe that since Clyde hadn’t completed the leaf-vein removal, whatever had been damaged would eventually recover.
I redirected my attention.
“Yun.”
“What.”
“Is Yehyeon busy?”
“Pretty.”
Then it would be hard for him to co visit.
Unlike others, I wouldn’t be able to see him in person, so I judged that I should ask soone close to him instead.
“Is Yehyeon okay?”
My shooter looked puzzled again.
“For ordinary people, stabbing soone they know with their own hand is quite a shock. And Yehyeon also has the trauma of stabbing Lee Seunghyun, doesn’t he.”
“Ah.”
Only after I explained did Yun make a sound of understanding.
He nodded slowly.
“If you an it that way, he’s fine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. He stabbed you with resolve, so it doesn’t seem like it hit him as hard as it did back with Lee Seunghyun. When you were hovering between life and death from sepsis, he did kind of lose his mind, but then again, he wasn’t the only one.”
“Ah.... That’s a relief.”
“I’ve been calling him Oedipus lately.”
Is he insane?
If I’d had any strength, I would’ve bolted upright.
Lacking it, I could only gape with my mouth hanging open.
Seeing my stunned expression, Yun smirked.
“He grumbled a bit, telling to stop teasing him.”
This guy, seriously....
I was dumbfounded, but thanks to what he told , I felt a little lighter.
Yun wasn’t the type to lie and say sothing was fine when it wasn’t. And since it was about Yehyeon, it couldn’t have been indifference either.
I let out a long breath.
“What happened to Jin?”
“That’s under the Personnel Director’s jurisdiction, so I don’t really know.”
“...The others, my kin.”
I hadn’t asked expecting an answer.
But surprisingly, my shooter gave a fairly detailed one.
“The strategist is serving as an advisor to the top brass, the pharmaceutical company president’s wife went back to headquarters for a bit, and that pillar-like bastard is holed up in your cabin.”
That’s a relief.
They were all living more or less as usual.
“And the redhead is usually in the hospital lobby all day.”
“...What?”
What is that supposed to an?
“Why?”
I asked blankly.
Yun stared straight through .
“How should I know.”
“No.... What is this.... What is he even doing there? You don’t an he’s literally just sitting there, right? You an he sits for a bit and then leaves, right?”
“No. He’s there all day, every day.”
“Every day?”
What the hell is he doing?
Why is he doing that when he can’t even see out of his left eye? I don’t rember him being the type to waste ti on sothing so irrational or sentintal.
There had to be far more aningful things he could be doing.
Maybe my disbelief was written all over my face, because Yun said,
“Probably acting as the one who hears news about you as quickly as possible. And that watchdog-looking guy seems to have taken on the role of managing your cabin.”
“News? He doesn’t need to sit down there looking that pitiful just to hear news.”
“Maybe he wants to hear it as fast as possible.”
“But the lobby?”
“You kicked them out.”
Ah.
“...What did I say when I kicked them out?”
“You told them to leave. You muttered heatedly that you didn’t want them nearby.”
“...How did they react?”
“They said to take good care of you, then all disappeared at once.”
I suddenly wanted to cry.
The long ti they’d spent waiting endlessly for , the gas they’d made to crush their despair during that ti, flashed through my mind.
I rembered the absurd excuses they’d co up with just to stay in the cabin.
But I just couldn’t bring myself to face them.
I knew it was pathetic, but in this state, I couldn’t bring myself to see them.
“How are the people who were taken hostage doing?”
Knowing it was cowardly, I changed the subject.
I decided not to think about the agent sitting in the lobby, at least for now.
My shooter slowly rose from his seat.
“That’s also why things outside are so hectic right now.”
“...What?”
“Still, that’s sothing you’d be better off hearing from the person sharing this room with you, not .”
Who is that, then?
And what does “hectic” even an? Just as I was about to ask, the door Samuel had closed earlier opened and soone walked in.
A man in a patient gown, wearing black slippers.
Still neat, but looking a bit more tired than usual, he grinned while gripping an IV pole.
My eyes widened at the unexpected sight.
“Adjunct?”
“Hilde. You’ve been through a lot.”
Ska Owen rolled the IV stand in with a refreshing smile.
***
Jonathan Kudo relieved Yun.
Ska had Jonathan wait briefly outside the room.
“There’s sothing I need to tell Hilde.”
Jonathan made a face like a child who’d had his ga console taken away, but eventually complied with Ska’s words.
The senior stared intently at , then slid the hospital room door shut.
“Say a reasonable amount and let him sleep.”
“Got it.”
Perching on his own bed, Ska waved his hand dismissively, shooing Jonathan away.
The door closed with a dull thud.
Silence returned. With a faint smile, I waited for my superior—who had turned his head aside—to speak.
“Do you have the energy to talk?”
From long experience in the organization, I could tell he was about to bring up work.
If he’d even sent Jonathan away, this didn’t seem like a trivial matter.
I nodded.
“Yes. Please, speak freely.”
“My apologies. Bringing this up to a critical patient who’s only just regained consciousness.... If you’re tired, say so imdiately. It’s not urgent.”
“Please tell . Is your hospitalization also related to this issue, Adjunct?”
“No. I was hospitalized because Jaeyeon hit .”
What?
I blinked in confusion, and Ska laughed.
“You know he has periodic fits by now, don’t you?”
“I was aware, but.... I thought it was only toward the Commander.”
“He hates everyone in the leadership who has his biotric data. Usually he goes after the representative. Since I was inside the Core during this mission, this ti I got beaten instead.”
Does that make any sense?
I frowned, but Ska waved it off, saying this wasn’t the important part and could be discussed later, then changed the topic.
“Let’s start with the matter of the hostages who returned while brainwashed.”
Ska Owen continued calmly as he watched my eyes widen.
“And after that, let’s talk about Kyle. I think he’s got sothing up his sleeve.”
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