After a few hours of a boat ride, Roo pulled up to an island. As far as islands go, I thought it was a relatively small onebut lush with vibrant green vegetation. I had no clue where the fuck we were, but it didn't matter; I focused on tackling the anxiety squirming around inside of , that fear of failure. Roo swapped into sandals, slipped his shades on, and hopped off the boat with a smirk and swagger as if we'd gone on vacation. "I'll take a look. You will set up my tent on the dirt, no?"
I followed him off the boat. The jade bottle in my pack felt multiple tis heavier than it actually was. I didn't need to get stronger for only myself but those around . That burden was intense; failure here ant their suffering.
I set up the tent. It was a simple green tent that didn't quite fit my uncle. As I jamd the pegs into the ground, I felt my piled exhaustion threatening to collapse on . The wind was a pleasant relief as I watched the waves slowly rock the boat anchored not far from shore. I'd made a lot of selfish decisions. Id thought joining the Brass Kings would be the best way to earn cashnominally, for my Ma. But was it? I joined because I couldnt hold a real job and thought trouble was fun. Shed never complained either, even as I watched her struggle after pops passed away.
After setting up the tent, I sat before the waves and watched the water as it flowed back and forth. The constant rocking motion was a balm for my soul.
Ma had never asked for my help; it'd been who insisted after seeing her pain and struggle. But how much had I added to that she didn't show? How much money had I blown on dumb bets? That pervasive thought that maybe this gamble would be the one always led to worse decisions and prevented from doing right by my family.
I'd been hotheaded, arrogant, and like Eve always said: A complete dumbass. It was only by luck I fell into the Seventh Division that things seed to be turning around. And Id thought it was the end of the world when they took in.
How much had I been wrong about? The lack of perspective was enough to want to slap myself. But there wasn't anything I could do about it now, hours away from New Valentine; it wasn't like I could swim back, and I sure didn't know how to drive a boat. It's funny how distance can put your struggles in a new light. Make you see the failing of how you approached your decisions; why had I been so small-minded?
Tristan went on and on about failing to plan. And he'd been right. Every ti I could've set myself up for a better path down the road, I'd chosen the option that gave the most imdiate gratification.
Roo walked back through the small forest; sunglasses tucked in his shirt, he arched an eyebrow.
Ya ever
Wonder why we do this? He read my thoughts, and the shock mustve shown since Roo let out a small laugh. Ive worn that sa expression beforebut it is a simple answer, no?
If it is, I dont see it.
It is because we must, passerotto. It is our duty, as those blessed with anima. There are plenty who cannot ever do what we doeven those among our own family. So we, chosen by the heavens, must be the pillar of strength as they intended. To rise to that duty, Luca, that is what it ans to be a man. You understand, yes?
I let his answer sit, and my Uncle joined in the sand. Despite the pressing future of breaking into the next stage, he was content to let us relax on the beach. The absurdity of this vacation nearly made laugh out loud. Wed spent two weeks in a hectic whirl of training that broke multiple tis with exhaustion and strained my limits. But now, we were soaking in the sun on a small island.
I was grateful for the silence. That Roo always offered the chance to think through his words. Id never fully realized it, but the mans aning always seed to live between his wordslike him, they had more to them than the extravagance of their first appearance.
Orange and red birds flickered around the island. Then I felt it. A sort of natural energy to this place that radiated from below. The clean air, the nature, simplicity in this pocket of the world I never got in my day-to-day life in New Valentine.
Eventually, I stood up, stretching. The sun was starting to reach the horizon. I supposed wed head to sleep and get started in the morning. I began to walk towards the tent. Roo sohow climbed to his feet and slid between and the tent in an instantA wild smile filled with malicious intent plastered on his face. Where is it you think youre going, passerotto?
Early night. Betting tomorrow's going to be real hell, figured Id get so rest in before throwing myself into it.
Oh, no, no. It begins now, passerotto. He gestured to a spot on the beach not far from where we were sitting. That is where you shall face your heavenly tribulation. As the sole family mber of yours also blessed by the heavens, I shall have the honor of guarding you as you take this first step on your path. I shall do for you as your father once did for . He caught by the shoulder, pushing to the spotthen down onto the ground. Form the Lotus pose.
I gave him a funny look. Of course, he undoubtedly ant that Id start tonight with so ditation. Tomorrow so training. Suspicious, I crossed my legs, the bottoms of my feet angled towards the sky as I moved my fingers to the correct space for the pose. I was still uncomfortable with itsince it took a fair bit of flexibility, but Roo drilled closer and closer to this point.
Now circulate.
I followed the instruction and let my breath flow a pattern. Letting the energy course through the coiled roots of my Soul Seed. It wound through as I soaked in the natural spirit radiating off this place. I was going for a good thirty minutes before I opened my eyes.
No! Focus! Get back to circulation. Ponder your Dao. You shall know it is ti when your Soul Seed chiswhen you feel it radiate with power, and your roots untangle to sink into a more natural position in you. At that mont, consu the pill! Not a second before.
Im sleepy. Cant we get started on this tomorrow? At this rate, Im gonna pass out.
Ah! Have no worry, my Soul and I shall keep you awake! Roo chuckled, and I got a bad feeling. There is no sleeping until you break through to the next stage. Once you have, then you may rest.
Oh no. I heard Roo fumble in my packand sneaked a peek to see the jade bottle land near . This wasnt going to end any ti soon. Roo laughed at the panic on my face. Before that mangy green wolf that was his Soul burst forth from his palm.
Be goodwatch my nephew until the sun rises! I will be getting so much-needed rest. Best of luck, passerotto. See you in the morning!
And with that, he left . His Soul was watching over , but no sleep for . I had to stay ditating after weeks of exhaustive training on the beach; he got to rest in the tent I set up. Motherfucker.
I settled into the lotus pose. It only took half of an hour before I got sore. After two hours, the cold cut through my bone, and the sun sank into the water. The constant feel of wind pushing saltwater in my face annoyed to no end. If I tried to get up to move, Roos green hound would growl. When I pushed my luck oncehis Soul shoved back in place and shook its head at . I was a prisoner to this spot. I was stuck here until I managed to cultivate my way out.
Fucking ridiculous. But Roo tied my hands. I had no other choice but to give this a real go, even if ditation didnt do a thing for .
Roo always went on and on about my understanding of my Soul Seed. He took every chance to tell how wrong I was, and Id accepted that. If it wasnt gambling, how could I explain that sweet euphoria that always hit when I took a bet? It was like my Soul Seed craved it, the way an alchemy junky needed their next fix. It made no damn sense.
If it wasnt gambling, what was it, risk? The Dao of Risk? Immortal of Risk? I doubted it. Didnt quite sit right.
What did I like about gambling? Why did it drive my Soul Seed into a frenzy? The thought of it always made my hands sweaty, my heart raced, and my mind reeled over the possibilities. Almost like there were a thousand different ways life could go, all hinging on a single mont: a single dice rollcard flip. There wasnt anything like it. That sa sense ca to in fights, knowing that a single punch might end it all. A slip could land on a knife and end my life. But was that a gamble?
The moon sunk lower in the sky; I occasionally popped open my eyes to take in the night. While Roos Soul could watch to make sure I didnt move, it had no idea of knowing when I took a break from cultivating, unlike him. I took a few short rests to break up the boring, and the growingly taxing job of shoving energy through my Soul Roots
After about ten more hours, the sun began to break the skyline again. When would my Uncle call this? Surely he couldnt afford to waste more than a few more days on . Life would eventually go back to normal. Id be the sa street rat I was before, walking around with my ounce of power and acting like it was worth more than it was.
Id be back on the sa shitty trajectory of my life, which had a decent shot of ending in two weeks. It wasnt a stretch to say he planned so kind of attack based on Tristan's prior acts. Though, how he planned to justify it to the Brass Kings, I didnt have a clue. Id grown stronger, but if I couldnt break through to the next stage, I would die. People would pay the price for my actions.
It all seed so pointless. I wasnt enough. I was a small kid who never got over his father's death and lashed out against all the people who wanted to helpdriving myself further into a hole and bashing my head down there, too afraid to accept any hands trying to help out.
Roo swapped with his Soul but didnt say a word. Casually relaxing on the beach on a towel, occasionally turning a calm and asured glance at . How much of this was for , and how much of it was a private vacation for him?
Around noon, he broke out food. I tried to get up to join him, starving.
He was over to in a second and shoved back down into the sand. No, passerotto. There is no eating until youve finished.
My eyes shot wide, and my stomach protested, but there was no breaking that command. Id promised, and hed shove back down even if I disobeyed. There was nothing I could do as he at the delicious slling sandwich, and later when he grilled a steak on a fire.
Another day passed.
No sleep. No food. I was a shell and could barely feel my legs from their extended lotus pose. There wasnt a shot in hell Id be able to even walk after this damn exercise. And I wasnt going to break through soon. If I hadnt been born with this damned Soul Seed, where would I be right now? Where would fate have taken ? Would I have done well in school like Alex? Maybe Id have so prospects for my future other than life on the streets. I was a cultivator. But did that an a damn? There were those in Sects and corporations who got to live snug little lives that maybe pushed them to immortality. Yet, here I wasa piece of shit to the people I cared about because of my choices.
If I wasnt a cultivator, would I have felt alone for so long?
These choices werent imposed on . Sure, I didnt have a say in so decisions, but I picked how Id reacted to what life threw my way. But after dad died, Id pushed my luck, again and again, lashing out and trying to find danger. Blaming it on my Soul Seed, trying to justify it by thinking it was just a part of my path to pursuing my Dao.
Itd been who cornered myself into a box. I lied to myself and swore that I'd have a better life if Id been born different. But if I traced those roots back to the Seed of the problemit was , not how Id been born.
Id always been the one who decided my fate. Id been the one to fuck up my life in innurable ways. Impulsive, brash, and pigheaded to the point of failure.
It'd been all along, from joining the Brass Kings to ignoring school. Id chased a dragon with more significant risks until sothing always broke. Why?
Because it felt good, throwing your life into chance absolved yourself of the results that ca after, it was a freedom that ca from lying to yourself. You might not be the one who decided what way the dice would land, but you were the one who threw them. I pushed away people because they might see what I was doing, afraid they might keep accountable.
Id been the one to decide my fate wasnt mine to make.
Fickle Fate was little better than a coin flip. But not because of my Dao.
It was because of .
Sothing snapped. My eyes opened wide with shock as a pure electric burst popped in . That was it. A deep thundered chi ran out from the Soul Seed in my chest. My Daoit was Fate. It was how the world ca across crossroads, to shift it, be part of it, and explore it. That was what my Soul Seed craved. Id been so fucking blind.
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