I slept like a baby that night. Nothing was more comfortable than his warm embrace, and when I woke up to the bright sunlight slanting through the windows, I was still curled up in his arms in almost the exact sa position I fell asleep in.
"Feeling well?" He rubbed my shoulder and dropped a light kiss on the top of my head.
I stretched my arms and looped them around him, taking a deep breath of the air filled with his scent. This was my favorite way to start a new day. "Couldn't be better," I said, and I pressed my lips onto his.
It was ant to be a light peck, but the mont I felt the warm softness against my lips, I couldn't stop asking for more. He tasted fresh and crisp even after a long night, driving all my lingering drowsiness away. I wished I could wake up like this every morning. "Will you let co sleep here every night?" I whispered only after I savored enough of him.
"Most certainly not." His voice turned dark. "Not when you need rest. I have learned from my grave mistake."
I gave him a glare. "You sound like my father," I mumbled and rested my head back against his chest.
"I sound like your master, and it's about ti that you rember to follow my orders." His tone wasn't commanding at all though. Instead, he gathered closer and sighed. "I don't want to risk this leaving any long-term effects on you, Qing-er. The snow lotus will help, but your body needs rest to build up enough strength to fend this off until … until things get better. Please take care of yourself."
I propped up my chin to look up at him, alard by the seriousness in his voice. He seed to be leading towards sothing else when he paused at "until". Until when? And why such seriousness for just a little discomfort?
"Is there more to the power from Twin Stars?" I asked. "Does it … affect in other ways, in addition to just being cold and uncomfortable?"
It took him a mont to respond, as if he had to decide whether he wanted to know. "It shouldn't. But I have already miscalculated how long it would take for you to feel these adverse effects, so I can't trust my judgnt and risk another mistake like this again."
"How much longer did you think it'd take?" Curiosity aside, I felt a little excited that my progress with the ditation technique exceeded his expectations to such an extent.
He brushed his thumb over my cheeks. There was a strangeness to his voice when he said, "A decade or two."
I was so shocked that I thought I heard it wrong. "A decade or two?" I stared at him. That wasn't possible. I had made so progress in the past few weeks, but enough to offset a couple of decades?
"It's because the build of your body and your spiritual power … matches what Twin Stars needs. It's a good thing, Qing-er. It was my fault to not see it coming."
But his tone made it difficult for to believe that he truly thought it was a good thing. And thinking back on it … he had been acting a bit off ever since I told him about that vision. Way more cautious with my health than usual, and more strict with my practice. I simply hadn't connected everything until now. What else was there that he didn't tell ?
"Bai Ye …" I kept our eyes locked. "I know you must have your reasons for keeping certain things from , and I don't want to pry, but I … I just hope that …"
I couldn't say it. I hoped that he could fully let into his heart, let his guard down and let share those secrets with him. But how could I ask for such a thing? He was my master, after all, and he had every right to keep whatever he saw fit from . And even if he wasn't, I should respect his privacy.
"I just hope that you can trust ," I said instead.
The look in his eyes wavered. For a mont, I saw that unfathomable hint of sorrow flash across his dark pupils once more. He planted a light kiss on my forehead. "I trust you with everything I have, Qing-er, and I promised I will tell you all the truth one day. But now is not the ti yet."
I buried my face into the thin fabric of his robe, feeling the ridges of his scars bulging beneath the silk. Just like he never told where he got these from, there was so much I didn't know about him, so many things he did that I never understood. I suddenly couldn't hold myself back. "Then when would it be ti?" I asked. "I know you're doing this for my sake, but I'm not a little girl anymore, and you don't have to keep shielding so well. I want to be able to share not just the bright and pretty side of life with you … but also the troubles and hard choices. Even if it's a burden. Especially if it's a burden."
The steady rhythm of his heartbeat changed at my words. Before I could raise my head to look up at him, his arms tightened around . "It's not about that …" His voice was airy, almost inaudible. "I'm not nearly as selfless as you think. I'm doing this for my own sake … because …"
He trailed off and shifted in his arms, pressing my cheeks next to his. "I'm sorry." His breath tickled my face. "Just give so more ti, and I'll tell you everything you ever want to know. I swear."
I closed my eyes, telling myself to focus on the warmth of his embrace instead of the hidden bleakness in his voice. "I'm here whenever you are ready," I said softly.. "We have plenty of ti ahead of us."
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