Round 1. Aged Ham Lewd Story Battle
As I relentlessly continued archery practice, I gradually began to shoot arrows that flew relatively straight.
Straight, in this context, ans the arrows flew in the general direction of the target, not that they followed a trajectory that would actually hit the target.
But if there were about 300 of
holding bows in formation, I might make a decent imitation of an archer squad with a "shotgun approach"—although, let's not ntion charging with bastard swords drawn to solve everything.
I truly appreciated Raina and Ulrika teaching
about archery; had the instructor been a grumpy guild trainer, I probably would have quit after about three days.
Raina had thorough knowledge of accurate shooting, while Ulrika was well-versed in shooting at moving targets and approaching prey. It's truly rare to have such specialized knowledge explained so gently in such a nurturing environnt.
Sotis, they even ignored my training to help each other. But including monts like those made for a comfortable training environnt.
After every session, we'd grab a drink at the guild tavern. Sure, I was footing the bill, but since they were young kids, in another world I might have to tip them a few thousand yen.
In that sense, this world seems quite reasonable. ... In what way, you ask? I don't really know myself.
***
「Hey, look here, guys! Chuck's brought in so of Granny Margo's special aged ham for us!」
「Yeah!」
As usual, when the three of us were drinking together, Chuck ca in with a pig's leg hoisted on his shoulder.
With its yellowed fat and shriveled, rich red at, it's the kind of raw ham that can claim the term 'aged'.
The guild was suddenly filled with excitent.
Though everyone was generally sick of dried ats, there was a good reason for the buzz this ti.
The raw ham made by a quirky old lady nad Margo was famously exquisite.
Most raw ham in this world was absurdly salty, and you often couldn't eat it properly unless you soaked out the salt. It was handled as almost purely a preservation thod. Slicing it thinly and calling it delicious was far from the truth.
But Granny Margo's raw ham was sothing else entirely, reducing salt content to the point of bordering spoilage. As a result, it's said she spoils nearly half the pork she uses, but the select raw ham that survives this harsh process rivals the taste of the raw hams I ate in my previous life.
After a long preface, to put it simply, I loved this raw ham.
But Granny Margo only sold it to young n she took a liking to. I wasn't one of them. What a cheeky old lady.
Well, not that Chuck likely appreciated being favored by Granny Margo, either.
「Old Margo told
to take it, so let's enjoy it with everyone here today! Don't worry, Elena-san—you'll get so too!」
「Well, thank you, Chuck.」
The deliciousness of this raw ham was well-known, so no one in the tavern felt the need to refuse the offer.
The gazes of the guild mbers in the tavern naturally converged on Chuck and the rest at the center table of the 『Sword of the Harvest』.
「I've never tried that before.」
「I haven't had any in over a year. Damn, I need a strong drink now.」
I was sure I'd shared the rough making of distilled liquor with the nobles, but has no one developed it yet?
Hurry up and invent whiskey and sell it to
already.
「Isn't Granny Margo the person with the ice room? Her ats are delicious, haven't had that raw ham yet, though.」
「It's exquisite. Thinly sliced is the best. I've only ever gotten a few slices from handouts.」
Thinking about it makes my mouth water. Maybe I should give Chuck a shoulder rub later.
「But we can't just share this beauty for free!」
「What the hell, you bastard!」
「Do you want to die?」
「Did you co here just to brag?」
「Shut up! I didn't say I wouldn't share it! Let's play a ga! We've got delicious at, but just sitting around eating it is boring!」
While cutting away the fatty part from the ham shank standing on the table, Chuck grinned broadly.
So eager fellow eagerly picked up the cut-off fat to sneak a taste but imdiately spat it out. Better not try that; it's not the good part.
「What's the ga, Chuck?」
「Glad you asked! We'll have a Lewd Trivia Battle! Two folks go head-to-head, sharing lewd facts, and let the judge decide the winner! The victor gets four slices! The loser still gets one slice!」
「Woohoo!」
「Leave the lewd talk to !」
「Hell yeah!」
「Order extra drinks! After all, today's a raw ham bonanza for !」
Is this a middle school field trip?
Get a clue, Chuck; Elena's gaze at your back is ice-cold.
「Guys really are pervs, huh.」
「It's like a harvest festival, every ti...」
「Well, that's just how guys are...」
Honestly, I couldn't entirely disagree. If Raina and Ulrika weren't there, I might have stood up and headed to the central table like a wrestler entering an arena. Because, frankly, I wanted that raw ham.
「Won't it be a vague contest? Judging lewd trivia...」
「Fear not, Alex! That's where our leader, Sir Dickbald, cos in!」
「I promise fair judgnt for all. Indulge to your heart's content.」
「Then I'm relieved!」
「Dickbald can quantify lewdness!」
Dickbald sure is loved...
Recently, since he lacked jobs and was short on cash, I often saw him in a lancholy state, unable to visit fine brothels... Thanks to Chuck, he seed a bit uplifted.
「Alright, I'll slice the at!」
「I'm first up!」
「What!? I'll face you!」
Thus began the ear-burning Lewd Trivia Battle at the central table.
The n surrounding them erupted with enthusiasm—a start to a battle of extrely low IQ.
「Listen up! This is a special tidbit... If you approach a chick on the boulevard directly, you can get her for cheaper than the market rate!」
「No way...」
「As expected of Nate the Haggler! To get even a cheap lady for less!」
「Cheapskate!」
「Shut up!」
「Heh... I won't lose! Listen up! The girls at 'The Goddess's Barn'... 'drink!'」
「What!?」
「──Winner, Luaranzo!」
「Booyah!」
「Wha, I, lost... !?」
「The thrill of bargaining is one thing, but you can't gain quality service info without paying... You neglected the basics, Nate.」
「Alright, four slices for Luaranzo! Nate, you get one slice too!」
Man, that's really unbearable to listen to.
The topics are mostly about entertainnt districts and brothels, with so real-life mixed-in lewd trivia adding to the cringing. I could distinctly feel the hot disparity from their heated enthusiasm...
But... that raw ham is just amazing. Damn, why is its scent so teasing? It's overly ripened, ms. Margo... Please, I'll pay, sell it to
seriously...
「Hey there, Mongrel... Aren't you joining the battle? Huh? Or do sweet girls around you make it too hard to talk about brothels?」
「I'll participate.」
「Whoa, you seriously gonna join!?」
「I am. Because I want to eat raw ham.」
「For real, Mongrel-senpai...」
「Uh, really...?」
You all misunderstood.
It's not like I avoid such discussions just because I'm around won.
Especially for raw ham! If it resembles the Parma ham from my previous life, I'd happily beco a lewd enthusiast!
Sorry, Raina. Ulrika. If possible, please... don't look at
right now.
「──Are you ready, Mongrel?」
「Yeah, I'm ready.」
Dickbald and I nodded at each other. What is this?
「... Then I'll be your opponent, Chuck!」
「No, Chuck, you're the ham holder.」
「Co on, you wanna return with four slices to that table to enjoy with those girls back there, don't you? As if I'd allow that, huh!」
「You're just lonely, aren't you...?」
「Shut up!」
Well, it doesn't matter who my opponent is, anyway.
「By the way, has Mongrel-san even visited a brothel?」
To Alex's question, I shook my head.
「I've been to the most expensive-looking place twice. One with a bath.」
「Really...?」
「──'The Honey ad of the Golden Cup'?」
「Stop instantly pinpointing, it's scary!」
「Rich guy, are you? I can't forgive you even more now! So, what was it like, how were the girls?」
「Well, I just bathed and got washed, so I don't know much about the girls.」
「What's that!?」
「You're quite a weirdo!」
「You went for the bath in the end, didn't you?」
Honestly, I initially thought of indulging—getting the full experience—but the girl having hairier attributes than I prefer was a turn-off.
Why is it, I wonder...? A personal fetish of mine, perhaps... but it was a no-go...
「Mongrel, you think you can beat
with just that experience...」
「No worries, Chuck. I have countless lewd insights!」
「Sounding so confident with just a bathhouse brothel visit! No way I'm losing to an amateur like you! I'll take the first move!」
「Chuck's launching an attack!」
「This one's settled then...」
So, being the first to go decides the winner, huh?
「I'll unveil a special gem... listen well! At 'Heaven's Shared Room'... you can get treated by a masterful-hand girl at a bargain!」
「──Millia-chan, huh.」
「You know her, Dickbald-san?」
「Indeed...──this spells trouble for Mongrel, right?」
C'mon, what's with the mystery lady Millia-chan? I'm unsure if lewd trivia battles should be local bargain gossip!
But she's got
curious now... Is Millia-chan cute?
「Now, how will you respond, Mongrel-san...?」
He rely placed Millia-chan in attack mode and already acts like he's won. Is Millia truly that remarkable? I'm quite intrigued now...
But.
I was ready.
You see... these guys, amateurs compared to , have filled their lewd trivia pool with nothing but hearsay and limited experience.
Did they really think they could defeat soone like , marinated in the rich pervy culture of information-age Japan?
「My turn. Listen up... 'A man can...'... '...reach climax from nipple stimulation!'」
「Hah, what does that even...」
In that mont, Dickbald's eyes widened in shock!
「──Winner, Mongrel!」
「What...?! Are you kidding !?」
「You've got to be joking, Dickbald-san?!」
「How could this be...?!」
「Mongrel speaks the truth──... A man's nipple can't produce milk, it's a re pleasure receptor... I can vouch for that!」
「No way, that's incredible!」
「That was one experience too many to hear about...!」
「Really... oh... wow...」
「Could it be Mongrel's...?」
「No, I just heard it. From a passing pervy monk.」
「There's so crazy pervy monks out there, wow...」
「──Mongrel... I may have to acknowledge you, as a comrade...?」
「Um, can I refuse that?」
「──Hmph...」
Thus, I successfully acquired four slices of raw ham.
They generously sliced them long, making them a perfect, ample companion to the weak ale. Excessive indulgence isn't good for one's health.
「Hey, I won, you two.」
「... You're quite pervy, Mongrel-senpai.」
「Wow... you know a lot about that stuff...」
I won, savoring the precious at.
However, upon returning to the table, I t Raina's sowhat frosty gaze and Ulrika's blushing face.
... Did I lose sothing important in exchange for raw ham?
「... Wanna share?」
「I'll take so.」
「 too...」
But the raw ham we ate today was undeniably exquisite, and the two of them seed quite satisfied with its taste.
For , that was more than enough...
-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=
Mongrel dropping so cursed knowledge.
I don't have a facepalm emoji, so thumbs up it is.
【????????(??????)】
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