Chapter 155: A true friend will help you run away, even if it hurts
Pala did not want to be here.
Pala had never wanted to be here.
The last ti she had felt this nervous, this sick to her stomach, was when she was confronting Rene about the ssages she had found on her phone. The sa confrontation she had gone to Casper imdiately after and cried into his arms.
Now Pala stood outside of his assigned room, her throat tight with tears she was refusing to cry, two Espers watching her with blank expressions. She was grateful for that. If they had looked at her with pity, she might have broken down and cried.
She checked her tablet, checking to see if she had everything on the list that Casper had sent her over two hours ago. It had taken her so ti to make ti to go retrieve his list of things. It was made a harder task because he didn’t tell her where these things were. It took her ssaging the Captain and calling Taylor to find out that so of the things that were missing at his apartnt were actually in the room that he had occupied with Gunther.
Pala closed her eyes, taking a shaky breath in as she controlled herself again.
Thinking about Gunther made Pala angry. Not because of anything that he had done, and he had done a lot, but because he was the one who had asked for help in Casper’s stead. He was the one who had forced the issue, it hadn’t been Pala.
She felt like such a shitty friend because of it, and it wasn’t like she had any excuses. Sure, her life felt like it was falling apart, and she had gone to the front lines to escape Rene and the pain that was tearing her apart inside, but she should have been there for her friend.
She should have noticed when he had started slipping. She should have paid closer attention to him. Instead, she was dumb blond who had ignored how her friend was doing. She was truly living up to the stereotype.
The bags at her feet felt heavy, weighty. Even though she was an A Class Esper, they felt too heavy for her to lift. She knew it was just the emotional baggage, but her arms trembled as she got to the bottom of the list and realised she had grabbed everything he had requested.
It was a short ssage. No emotion. It was unlike Casper, and worried her to no end. She had wanted to speak to the Captain or Kellen before she ca here, but both n were preoccupied with work. Taylor’d had a particular glitter to her eye as she had said that, so she didn’t fully trust it, but there was also a relief in Taylor’s shoulders that told her sothing good had happened.
It felt wrong to Pala that any good should be happening when Casper was in such a shitty situation.
The door next to the room she was standing in front of opened, and Gunther poked his head out. Pala shouldn’t have been as startled as she was, but she jerked where she stood. Gunther looked very apologetic, his face a little splotchy and puffy.
"Is everything alright? You’ve been standing there for a while. Do you need my help?" He asked softly, quietly. Pala swallowed thickly. She wanted to yell at the man. Wanted to curse him out, bla him for doing this to her friend, but she knew that her anger was misplaced.
Was she projecting her own problems onto Casper? Maybe. Which was why she didn’t say anything angrily when she spoke to Gunther, keeping her expression calm. She was very good at keeping her emotions inside, a terrible side effect of her powers.
"I’ll be okay, Gunther. I’m just...working up the courage." She said quietly. Gunther nodded, not probing further.
"Well, I’m next door if you need anything." He told her, eting her gaze seriously. She watched as he gripped the doorfra tightly, his knuckles going white before he pulled back, stepping into the room and closing the door.
Pala knew it was a stupid, silly reaction, but she wanted to flip him off. She had too many witnesses, so she restrained herself. Instead, she finally faced her fears, tucked the tablet away, and knocked on the door.
There was no response. At least, not right away. Thanks to Pala’s heightened hearing, she could hear him moving around inside. It felt like hours passed before the sound of the lock turning could be heard and Casper opened the door.
He looked better and worse than she had imagined. He was clean, which she wasn’t sure he would be, but he also looked...defeated in a way she hadn’t seen in a long ti. A long, long ti.
"I brought your things." Pala said carefully. She wasn’t sure what kind of expression to make as she took in his expression. His grey eyes were listless, dead, and the silver frad glasses looked clean, but she had a feeling that was because of the Captain. His brown hair was clean, but already spiked and he wasn’t wearing his Guide uniform. Instead he wore a giant sweater, one he swam in.
Pala had no idea where he had gotten in, and it wasn’t sothing he had ever worn before.
"Where did you..." She trailed off and Casper’s eyes lit up slightly, before his face flushed slightly. He looked down, tugging the fabric at the edges.
"It’s Theodores." He told her softly and Pala found herself making a small noise of agreent. Of course it fucking was.
"May I?" She asked, and Casper stepped back. Pala picked up the bags, about to loop the others onto her fingers but one of the Guild Espers beside her picked up the two bags she couldn’t easily carry. Pala cast them a grateful look as they both stepped into the apartnt assigned to Casper.
It wasn’t a bad apartnt. None of them were. For a space where Casper was going to be confined for an unknown period of ti, Casper couldn’t have asked for a better place to be.
Of course, that was all relative, but Pala was trying to think in the positives. They had given him a room with a nice, big window. Casper would like that. He liked windows overlooking high places.
Pala hated how her mind spun, making that into a negative. She swallowed, forcing herself to focus on the task at hand.
"Thank you for helping. Casper, can you show
where you would like everything?" Casper nodded, and Pala was thankful that he was responding to her. She had worried that he wouldn’t. That he would deny her at the door and that she was going to have to force her way in. That would have made this only worse.
They worked together, putting away the things that Casper had requested. They didn’t utter a word to each other. Each passing mont made it harder for Pala to speak, the awkwardness in every breath and step. She wondered if Casper felt it. She hoped that he did.
When that was done, and the bags that Pala had brought over were empty, they stood in the living room. They only had a few spotlight lamps on to illuminate the space, none of the larger lights were on.
Pala watched the light cross Casper’s face, saw how he was breathing slowly, cautiously, and Pala opened her mouth.
"What are you going to do?" She asked. Casper froze, his eyes slowly moving towards hers. He seed shocked that she would even ask that.
"What am I going to do?" He asked, sounding confused. "What can I do? I have no choice in this." He said. Pala swallowed. She cared deeply for him, truly did, but she also knew how the others were.
"You have a choice, Casper. You always have a choice." She said, her voice breaking slightly as she spoke. Emotion choked her as she spoke. "You could leave if you wanted. You don’t have to stay here and put up with them forcing you to stay here." Pala said. Casper, who had been only partially facing her, turned to face her fully. He looked...confused. Like the idea had never crossed his mind.
"I am not allowed." He said and Pala shook her head.
"You are allowed. Of course you are allowed. It would just..." she took in a deep breath. "It would just have consequences." She gave him a warbled smile. "We wouldn’t be a part of the sa Guild anymore." She whispered.
Casper looked as if she had said sothing he had never considered. He reached for sothing to hold onto, finding the pole that held up one of the lights. It was sothing flimsy to hold onto, but it felt oddly symbolic of everything going on around them.
"Not be a part of the Guild?" Casper rasped, sounding horrified by the suggestion. Pala gave a wet chuckle.
"You were planning to do that only a few weeks ago. You’ve changed your mind so quickly?" She asked and the air stilled. Then, sothing began to grow between them. The old Casper.
Casper’s eyes grew clear for the first ti since she had entered the room and he t her gaze, truly seeing her and his eyes began to fill with tears.
"You shouldn’t tell
that. I’m supposed to be held accountable for my actions. As a Lieutenant, you’ve suggested sothing terrible." He told her, his hands shaking. Pala shrugged, her smile not reaching her eyes.
"Well, what am I supposed to do? You’re practically being held hostage. Am I supposed to remain calm when my best friend is behind closed doors and being forced to do things against his will? I was dating a lawyer, rember? I can figure out legal loopholes." She joked, the pain in her chest deepening. Casper also looked pained at her words.
"No, Pam. No." He rasped. "Besides, it’s not so bad." He joked. "They just...want
to get better." He whispered. "And to acknowledge all of the fucked up things that I did." He told her, then his expression crumbled. Pala barely caught him in ti as he collapsed, and she helped him to the couch. "What the fuck have I done?" He whispered. "I hurt everyone. I hurt Rhys, I hurt Kellen, I hurt Theodore." He raised his watery grey gaze. "I hurt you, Pam." He whispered and Pala sucked in a deep breath.
"It’s okay." She told him. She couldn’t an her words, and that made Casper look even more upset. She tugged him against her chest, her grip on him tight as she hugged him. "It’s going to be okay." She put her powers into her words, feeling Casper slouch slightly as his body relaxed. She hated doing it, hated knowing that the idea wasn’t fully her own, stemming from the Captain.
She did know it ca from a good place. He wasn’t asking her to pressure her, he just asked her to check on him, give him support if he needed it. This was partially Pala’s idea, and Casper’s hands twitched against her back.
"You’re too good to ." Casper whispered. Pala’s eyes watered as she realised he knew what she was doing. It tore her up that he was thankful for it. How much pain had he been in that he welcod this kind of treatnt? "I won’t leave you behind, Pam." He promised and Pala desperately wanted to believe him.
The fresh wounds on his arms when she rolled up his sleeves afterwards did not make it easy for her to believe his words.
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