Elijah’s pov ;
With a gentle sigh, I reached over and clicked off the bedside lamp. The room was plunged into darkness, save for the soft moonlight that filtered through the curtains. I nestled myself closer to him, seeking solace in his warmth.
My head found its resting place on his pillow as I exhaled an exhausted deep breath. I closed my eyes and nuzzled deeper into his hair.
But I know even in my dreams, he would haunt . His face, his voice, his words. The ache in my heart only grew stronger as I slept.
Why is this so difficult? Why can’t I just express how I feel?
I chastised myself for feeling so insecure about sothing as simple as this. After all, this wasn’t high school anymore; I was an adult who should be capable of handling rejection with grace and maturity. And yet here I was, lying awake and overthinking every little detail.
But then again, he hadn’t rejected or avoided . He simply said he was tired and wanted to sleep. So why was I making such a big deal out of it?
I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing thoughts. Perhaps I was overreacting after all.
No, scratch that. I definitely was overreacting.
It’s not a big deal. We have plenty of ti. There’s no need to rush.
But even as these thoughts ran through my mind, a small part of remained unconvinced.
I don’t feel angry, and I’m not feeling offended or upset. Rather, I feel...
Sad?
Hurt?
I felt rejected. No matter how much I convince myself, I indeed feel rejected.
This feeling is so foreign, so unfamiliar to . Throughout my life, I have always approached challenges with determination and a strong will. Defeat and rejection were simply not options for . I would do whatever it took to achieve my goals, using any ans necessary.
In the past, I would have forced him to do what I wanted. I would have ordered him, tortured him, or resorted to blackmail or threats to get my way. The thought of manipulating and hurting soone did not faze .
But now, the re idea of forcing him didn’t even cross my mind. The thought of causing harm was unbearable.
A sharp pain pierced through my chest, spreading throughout my entire body. It frightened how much my own emotions could affect now.
This is why I always avoided love.
I don’t like feeling helpless, and that’s exactly what love does. It makes you vulnerable and weak.
It forces you to question yourself and your actions.
And above all else, it makes you dependent on soone else’s feelings and choices.
Dependent on that one person.
The weight of it makes you question yourself, your choices, and your very existence. And most of all, it creates a reliance on that one person who holds the key to your happiness. But when they leave, it feels like the world is crumbling around you; a fragile facade shattered into a million pieces.
I never wanted to experience this feeling of entrapnt by another’s emotions. I didn’t want to be weak, to lose control.
But that’s exactly what is happening right now. I’m feeling this deep pain just from a small rejection, and it’s driving crazy.
Involuntarily, my gaze fixates on his sleeping face. My fingers lightly brush against his skin, as if afraid to disturb him. The softness of his features, the warmth emanating from his breath - it all soothes yet overwhelms at the sa ti.
I lean closer until our faces are re inches apart. His breathing tickles my nose, each gentle exhale sending shivers down my spine. I could feel his presence, his energy, his very essence enveloping , wrapping around , engulfing . It was intoxicating. It was addictive. It was hypnotic.
My heart thrumd like a drum in my chest, a physical manifestation of the intense heat that radiated through my body. His alluring presence was so powerful that it was difficult to resist. Every fibre of my being yearned to press my lips against his, to claim him as mine.
But I couldn’t bring myself to do anything while he slept, vulnerable and unaware.
So I simply gazed at his face, etching every contour and curve into my mory. The freckles sprinkled across his skin, the way his eyelashes fanned out against his cheek, the individual strands of hair that frad his face - I had committed them all to mory.
That’s how deep my obsession for him ran. And that’s how much he affected .
It’s why I’ve always been afraid of falling in love. Because when you love soone, you beco susceptible to pain. You give them the power to hurt you.
You open yourself up to rejection, heartache, and vulnerability.
I had never experienced this kind of vulnerability before. I had always kept people at arm’s length, never allowing anyone to get close enough to hurt .
But sohow, he managed to break down my walls and reach a part of I didn’t even know existed. He made feel things I had never felt before, and it both terrified and excited .
After the loss of my parents, I made a solemn promise to myself that I would never let anyone get close enough to hurt again. I built walls around my heart and convinced myself that I would never fall in love again.
But as I look at him now, all of my promises and fears seem to fade away. His emotions pierces through my defences and I find myself slowly giving in to the feelings that I have been trying so hard to suppress.
I can feel myself falling for him, and it scares . The thought of opening up and being powerless again terrifies , but I can’t help it.
My heart skips a beat at the realisation of what I am feeling. The fear of being rejected or losing him is enough to make shiver.
And deep down, I know that my worst fears may one day co true. He may leave just like my parents did because why would he stay with soone like who has caused him so much pain?
I have done terrible things to him. I have hurt him and broken him in ways that I never thought possible. And even though I have tried to change and be better, the fact remains that I have done unspeakable things.
Why would he choose to love when he knows the real ? How could he forgive when I have caused him so much pain?
Those questions are eating alive.
I couldn’t help but wonder if happily ever afters were ant for soone like . Will I end up alone and heartbroken, destined to watch others find love while I remain an outsider?
I closed my eyes, pushing those negative thoughts away. Instead, I reached out and pulled him closer to my side, his warm body fitting perfectly against mine. His steady breaths filled my ears as he slept peacefully.
I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, taking in the sll of his shampoo that never failed to make feel comforted. Holding him like this, so close and secure, felt like a small piece of heaven.
But even in this mont of contentnt, the fear of not being enough for him lingered. Would he eventually leave for soone better?
I didn’t know what the future held for us, but one thing was certain. I would do everything in my power to make him stay because I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving .
I don’t think I could handle that.
So, he must stay.
_______________
Next morning ;
"Why are you staring at ?" Ash’s soft voice snapped out of my daze.
"Just thinking."
He raised his eyebrows, waiting for to elaborate.
"About?" he prompted.
"How cute you are," I teased him playfully, earning an eye roll.
"Shut up," he huffed coldly, trying and failing to hide his blush.
"You’re cute when you’re mad too," I grinned, enjoying his reaction.
"I said, shut up," his glare deepened, the effect ruined by his reddening cheeks.
"I’m just being honest," I shrugged, unable to suppress a chuckle. "What? It’s a cri to complint my husband?"
A pout forming on his lips as he glared at though it quickly disappeared when his stomach grumbled loudly.
His face reddened, and his expression beca mortified and his eyes widened in embarrassnt.
"Hungry, huh?" I chuckled, enjoying his flustered state. He didn’t say anything and turned his face away from . I got up from my chair while he stayed seated from where he was reading a book. "Wait here, I’ll cook you sothing."
I made my way to the kitchen and instead of waiting for in the dining room, he followed . His footsteps were soft and almost silent, and I was sure that if it wasn’t for the squeaking of the wooden floorboards, I wouldn’t have heard him.
I opened the refrigerator and took out so eggs and vegetables. Ash watched curiously as I began chopping the vegetables.
"You know how to cook? He asked in surprise.
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