[BL] CRAVING HIM: Addicted to His Voice Chapter 81: Between Regret and Relief

I quickly asked Zayn to share his location. Without waiting for another word, I left the wedding, my heart pounding and my mind focused entirely on finding him.

The bar was softly lit, a sharp contrast to the glowing celebration I had just left behind. My eyes searched through the scattered crowd until they found him, Zayn. He sat slouched against the counter, shoulders heavy, eyes glassy. His fingers curled loosely around a glass, half empty, though it was clear from his sluggish movents and the bitter scent of alcohol that this wasn’t his first drink tonight.

"Babe," I called softly as I approached.

His head lifted slowly, his gaze finding mine with a weary recognition. "Yes," he murmured, voice thick, his hand already reaching for the glass again.

Before he could lift it to his lips, I caught his wrist and gently slid the cup away. "That’s enough," I said firmly but softly, my heart breaking at the sight of him like this. "We should go."

He frowned, pulling slightly against my hold, stubbornness flashing in his eyes. "I’m fine. I don’t want to leave yet."

I leaned closer, lowering my voice so only he could hear. "Please, babe. For ."

For a mont, silence hung between us. Then, with a long sigh, his resistance faded, and he nodded. "Okay."

Relief swept through as I guided him outside and into the waiting car. Inside, the quiet hum of the engine filled the space as I turned to him. "Do you want to take you to your house or mine?"

Zayn lifted his head slowly, eyes eting mine with an unreadable intensity. He studied for a long second, then leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine in a soft, desperate kiss.

Pulling back, he whispered, "Anywhere... just not my house. My friends are there," he murmured.

I gave a small nod and told my driver, "Take us to my place."

When we arrived, I slipped my arm around him, helping him out of the car and into the house. Each step up the stairs felt heavier, his body leaning against for support. Once inside the bedroom, I lay him gently on the bed. His clothes slled of liquor, and I knew he wouldn’t be comfortable like this.

"Let take care of you," I whispered. Carefully, I undressed him, my fingers moving tenderly as though he might break apart beneath my touch. With a warm cloth, I cleaned his skin, wiping away the remnants of the night. Then I dressed him in fresh clothes, his breathing steady but tired.

I slipped into the shower for a quick rinse, then changed into sothing comfortable before returning to bed. Sliding beneath the sheets, I pulled him close, wrapping my arms around him. For a while, I thought he might already be asleep. Then, in a quiet, fragile voice, he called, "Evric."

"Yes, love?" I answered imdiately.

"What do you do when you’re tired? I an... really tired. Past and now. Be honest." His voice was low, each word weighted with sothing deeper than exhaustion.

I hesitated, then admitted, "Before... I used to drink a lot. Smoke too. and probably..."

A faint, humorless smile curved his lips. "Probably drugs too, right?"

The question stung. My eyes widened. Slowly, I nodded. "Yes. But... how did you know?"

He chuckled softly. "Your father told about it. But he also said you’ve stopped smoking and taking drugs... just drink occasionally."

The ntion of my father soured my chest. "Did he say it to defend ? Or to ruin ?"

Zayn laughed under his breath, his gaze turning distant. "In-between," he answered.

I stayed quiet, my heart heavy with sha.

Silence stretched between us before he finally continued. "You see... I wasn’t really surprised when I caught you smoking that night. I’d already heard about it. What surprised was... I was told you’d stopped. I wasn’t expecting to see you fall back."

His honesty cut deep, but I swallowed my sha. Pressing a kiss to his shoulder, I asked quietly, "Do you hate for my past?"

He turned slightly, chuckling softly, rubbing my hand with his thumb. "Oh, Evric... if I hated you, I would’ve walked away the mont I learned everything. But it’s your past. I can’t hate you for it."

His hand brushed against my skin, gentle and reassuring. He said my na again. "Evric."

"Yes, baby?"

"Can I tell you two things tonight? What I regret... and what I’m glad about since eting you. My mind’s heavy. I just need to let it out so I can breathe."

I tightened my hold around him. "Of course, babe. I want to hear it."

He turned to face . His eyes glistened, and before he spoke, he kissed my chest softly. His voice was gentle, fragile. "Ever since I t you, I regret saying yes to you that night... and walking into that room to et you."

The air punched out of my lungs. I inhaled slowly, forcing my voice steady. "And what are you glad about?"

I inhaled sharply, but before the ache in my chest could spread, he added with a small, tipsy smile, "But I’m glad I did. I’m glad I walked into that room and t you."

The contradiction twisted my heart, but I nodded, urging him on. "And since then... having sex with , stepping out of your straight world... since being in my world, crossing that line with ... how do you feel?"

His eyes t mine, steady despite the haze of alcohol. "To be honest, with you... I feel good, Evric. Too good. So good I want to do it again and again." With you, it doesn’t feel wrong. It feels like the only thing that makes sense."

Emotion tensed my chest. I pressed on. "Do you think things could’ve been better if I were different? If I were just... a regular guy?"

Zayn exhaled slowly. "Maybe. Maybe if you were just a regular guy, like . Unknown. Without your father’s shadow hanging over you. Maybe things could’ve been easier."

My chest tightened, and I whispered, "Being with ... is it hurting you, right?"

He was silent for a mont, then whispered, "No. Evric... I’m just tired... so tired I wish I could disappear."

Tears welled in my eyes as I held him tighter, my voice trembling. "I’m sorry. I never ant to hurt you. If it’s too much... do you want to le...?"

He cut off sharply. "Do I want to leave you?"

I nodded, unable to speak.

"Evric," he said firmly, "I’m not that weak. The only reason I’m like this is because everything is happening all at once, and I’m overwheld. I don’t want to run away from it. I just needed you to know how I feel."

Relief flooded , though my voice still shook. "Babe, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to love you right. I never wanted to cause you pain. All I want is to give you my heart, show you care, love you only, and make you feel like the happiest man alive. Please believe . I never want to be your pain."

He cupped my face, his eyes soft despite the weight in them. "I know. That’s why I’m not giving up. I’m just tired. Hurting. But even then... I don’t want to let go."

I pressed my forehead against his. "Then let share your pain. When you hurt, let hurt with you. When you cry, let cry with you. Don’t carry this alone, Zayn. Please. Be strong for ."

He whispered back, "I trust you. I know you an it. This is just new to . Just promise , you will stop thinking I’ll leave you."

I nodded. "Okay, baby." I helped him sit up slightly, brushing his hair from his face. "Tell ... did what my father said to you hurt you?"

His eyes darkened, and he gave a small nod.

"How much?" I asked quietly.

He pulled into a hug, his voice muffled against my shoulder. "More than I can express."

My voice trembled. "I’m so sorry. I love you so much, Zayn. Please, don’t let his words break you. Not for my sake, but for what we both share."

He lifted his head, studied for a mont, then finally nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you, baby," I whispered, stroking his hair.

For a while, we simply lay there, the silence thick but comforting. Then he said to again. "Evric... I just need you to know how I’m feeling. I’m not leaving you. Don’t fight your father. Don’t make it worse. I’ll be fine. Just... give ti."

I kissed him gently, pouring everything I couldn’t say into that kiss.

He pulled back slightly, smiling, and said, "I can’t wait till next week. Evric, in two days I’ll visit my mom. Will you co with ?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation. "I’ll make ti. I’ll never be too busy for you."

He hesitated, then asked, "Can I stay here until then? I don’t want to go back to my house."

"Of course, baby. Stay as long as you want."

His shoulders eased, and he whispered, "Thank you."

Finally, his eyes drooped. "I want to sleep," he murmured. I held him tightly, pressing a soft kiss to his hair. "Thank you, Zayn. I love you so much, and I will never take this chance with you for granted."

As his breathing deepened, my own thoughts drifted to Nuala. I silently thought, Thank you, Nuala. Without you, he would have been sitting at that bar alone... hurting, while I lived in fear that I would lose him.