[BL] CRAVING HIM: Addicted to His Voice Chapter 16: Chained by Memories

I pulled into the driveway just as the sun set, casting long shadows over the house that once felt like a safe place before everything changed. My hands gripped the steering wheel for a few seconds, trying to steady the storm in my chest. My heartbeat was loud in my ears, but I refused to let it shake . Not today.

When I stepped inside, the air felt different. Still and tense.

I didn’t need to call out. He was already there, sitting in the living room like he’d been waiting for this mont. My father.

He looked up when I entered, his eyes lingering on my face just a second too long before shifting away, like he always did lately. That sa guilt was there, swimming in his gaze, but it wasn’t enough. Not after what he did.

"Why?" My voice ca out low, tight with restrained anger. "Just tell why you did it."

He didn’t speak imdiately. "He didn’t even ask what I ant. He just sat there, silent as if he already knew I’d uncovered the truth. "Instead, he leaned back in his chair, his fingers laced together, pretending to be calm. But I saw the flicker in his jaw, the tightening of his shoulders.

"I did it to protect you," he said finally, as if that excuse could make sense of the ss he caused.

"Protect ?" I laughed bitterly. "By paying off the man I loved to walk away from ? By making feel like a fool in front of everyone? That’s your idea of protection?"

"Be glad I only paid him off," he said, his voice sharp like a slap. "The man you love, Evric? I didn’t raise you to fall for another man. You’re a man. You should love a woman. Aren’t you ashad of yourself? Ashad to stand here and call another man the one you love?"

He stood then, slow and deliberate. "You think he loved you? Do you think he wouldn’t have left eventually? At least this way, you saw him for what he truly is before he destroyed you."

My chest burned. "That wasn’t your choice to make! You don’t get to control who I love who I give my heart to!"

"I do when I see that man using you," he snapped, his voice rising. "I do when I see you losing yourself in soone who only wants what you can give him. Money, access, and power. "If not," he scoffed, "then how could a man possibly love another man? Unless he sees sothing to gain from you. Use your head. No man gives love freely to another man. There’s always a price."

"You don’t know that," I shot back. "And even if that were true, I still deserved the chance to find out on my own."

He exhaled sharply, turning his back to , running a hand over his head. "You don’t understand the things I’ve had to do to protect this family, to protect you."

"I didn’t ask you to protect like that," I whispered. "I needed you to trust ."

"This person ans so much to , Dad," I said, my voice trembling with the weight of everything I’d bottled up. "I could’ve died in that accident."

He didn’t flinch. Didn’t soften.

"Then it’s a good thing you survived it," he replied coldly, as if my pain ant nothing.

Then I told him.

Do you think separating from Nicki would change who I am? I stood up, my voice steady, but my hands clenched. "Joke’s on you, Dad, because even after this, I’ll still choose another man. So you better get your money ready, start counting it, because you’ll have a lot more to pay off."

He turned to face again, and for the first ti, I saw sothing close to regret in his eyes. "Maybe you don’t get it now," he said quietly. "But everything I’ve ever done was to make sure you never had to learn things the hard way."

"Well," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat, "you failed. Because I learned the hardest way possible by watching the man I loved, take your money and leave without a second thought."

He looked away again. That guilt on his face didn’t satisfy . It didn’t fix anything. But it confird one thing:

He knew he’d gone too far.

"I’ll never be the sa after this," I said softly. "But maybe that’s a good thing. Because now I know who you are. And who I need to be."

I didn’t wait for a reply.

I turned around, walked out the front door, and for the first ti in days, I didn’t look back.

I didn’t return to school after that confrontation with my father. I didn’t go ho either.

Instead, I went straight to a bar.

Drink after drink, I drowned myself in bitterness until I found a man willing to follow ho. He was handso. Confident. The kind of guy anyone would want. But when he leaned in to kiss , when his hands ran down my body, I felt nothing.

No heat. No spark.

No, Nicki.

My body just sat there like a ghost was wearing my skin. I tried to make it work and forced myself to respond, but I couldn’t even get hard.

I told myself it was just the alcohol. Or maybe just one bad night. So I tried again another day. And again. Different n. Different bars. But the result was the sa.

I couldn’t feel anything.

Eventually, I stopped trying to sleep with them. I’d bring them ho, but leave them on the couch. So left on their own. Others complained. I didn’t care.

I’d just sit there, alone, with my thoughts.

And in that silence, I realized sothing:

Sothing inside had changed. Or maybe it had broken.

I didn’t want anyone anymore.

Not their bodies. Not their lips. Not their touches.

No one felt like him. No one could be him.

So, instead, I’d lie in bed and pretend.

I’d use my voice, imagining I was with Nicki. Like when we used to have sex calls late at night. Whispering things, laughing between moans, touching ourselves over the phone. I held on to that.

Because it was the only way I could feel sothing again.

I tried to start new relationships, but they collapsed before they could even begin. I couldn’t connect. I couldn’t stay. I’d pull away whenever soone tried to get close.

I started asking myself:

What’s harder, losing Nicki or refusing to forget him?

Months passed. I still couldn’t sleep with anyone. Couldn’t even kiss without pulling away. One night, I almost texted him. Almost told him to co over, that I’d pay him if that’s what he wanted, since money always lured him. But I didn’t send it.

Because I still loved him. And loving him ant I couldn’t reduce him to a transaction. I couldn’t make him into sothing he wasn’t.

Real love isn’t sothing you pay for.

Then, one night, I went clubbing again drunk out of my mind. I barely rember anything after lifting the glass to my lips. The next thing I opened my eyes, I was lying in my bed. Not my apartnt. I was waking up back at my father’s house.

I thought maybe he brought ho to yell or to pretend he cared. But no. He locked in.

I tried to get out. I couldn’t.

The door was locked. I was trapped.

I thought it was for a day.

But days turned to weeks.

The maid brought food. My mom ca in quietly, sotis just sitting beside without speaking. Chrisly ca, too... just to annoy as usual. But I barely reacted.

Then, finally, my father returned from a business trip. He walked in like nothing had happened, sat across from , and said, "I’ve arranged your transfer. You’ll continue your studies abroad."

I didn’t argue. Not anymore. I didn’t have the strength. I just looked at him and asked, "When?"

"In two weeks," he said.

I didn’t even flinch. In two weeks, it sounded like forever and nothing at the sa ti.

I only nodded once.

"Then... I have one request," I said softly.

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Let out. Just once. I want to see Nicki."

I looked him in the eyes. "That’ll be the last ti. I swear."

He said nothing. Turned and left.

One day passed. He didn’t return.

Two days. Still no answer.

By the third day, I begged. I didn’t want much. I wasn’t trying to start a fight. I just needed closure. Or maybe a goodbye. But he still wouldn’t give it to .

After a week had passed, he brought docunts and information about the school, the city, and the program. Stuff that ant nothing to . I didn’t even look at it.

I asked again, softer this ti. "Please. Just let see him."

Silence. He left still nothing.

So I stopped eating.

There were only three days left before I was supposed to travel. My father didn’t show up anymore. The maids brought my als. My things were laid out. But not a single word from him.

Not even a no.

Just silence.

And still... I waited. Hoping for sothing. A sign. A chance. A door to open.

Even if it was just for a minute with Nicki.

To be continued....