Deadpool spoke at a ridiculous speed, giving neither Malrick nor Spider-Man a chance to cut in. He rambled on like a runaway train, and before anyone realized, he had already summarized the first half of his bizarre life.
The young Spiders looked baffled. Malrick, on the other hand, felt like he was watching a recap of a movie he had already seen. From Deadpool's introduction, he could piece things together. This was the Deadpool from the Fox X-n Universe.
That wasn't surprising. Marvel and the Fox universe had crossed paths before. But how had Deadpool ended up at the TVA? Did this an the Fox Universe had completely rged with the MCU? If so, at least Quicksilver wouldn't have to die from sothing as dumb as normal bullets.
Deadpool kept rambling.
"You can't imagine how heartbroken I was after being rejected by the Avengers," he said dramatically.
"Back on Earth-10005—oh, right, forgot to ntion, that's my world's designation. If you ever miss , just co find there!"
"After I got ho, I started selling cars with Peter—my Peter, my special Peter!" Deadpool emphasized. "Because only I can—well, never mind. Point is, it was aningful."
"When I was selling those useless cars, only Peter kept sane. But even then, my life felt empty. I was in pain, then I… broke up with Vanessa. Damn it, I lost her. She found a new boyfriend not long ago. I—"
"Alright, tiout. Vanessa later. Where's the Ti Pad? What's going on with it?" Malrick interrupted sharply.
Deadpool blinked. "What the hell, man? I just told you I lost Vanessa! That's devastating!"
"She's your Vanessa, not mine. Why should I care? Am I supposed to help you beat up her new boyfriend?" Malrick rubbed his temple. Even he was starting to spout nonsense under Deadpool's influence.
"Brilliant idea!" Deadpool grinned. "You kick his balls, I'll cut off his little d"ck, and then—"
"Cough, cough!" Gwen suddenly looked away, mask on, clearly embarrassed by Deadpool's words.
Deadpool quickly changed the subject. "Anyway, on my birthday, a group of TVA agents showed up at my door. They dragged to headquarters, gave a tour, and then this guy with a British accent showed up. He called himself Mr. Paradox and invited to join the TVA—as the Marvel Savior!"
He puffed out his chest with pride. "He even showed the future! Thor cried over . Thor! My Thor, sobbing into my arms. It broke my heart."
"At that ti, I didn't doubt a thing. I was convinced—I was the Marvel Savior!"
"But then," Deadpool's tone shifted, "that annoying British accent told my universe was dood. Apparently, it had lost its Anchor Person—our Wolverine."
Deadpool's face darkened. He picked up a chunk of debris from the collider floor, pretended it was Mr. Paradox, and punched it twice before hopping in pain, clutching his swollen knuckles.
"Wait—Anchor Person? What's that?" Malrick asked, focusing on the one detail that mattered in Deadpool's ocean of nonsense.
Deadpool kissed his bruised fist and said solemnly, "The Anchor Person is like the… sensitive spot of a universe. If it's gone, the whole thing collapses. Everything goes limp, lifeless, useless."
Malrick translated Deadpool's absurd taphor into sothing coherent. "So, the Anchor Person is the core of a universe. Without it, the world becos unstable, eventually collapsing."
"Exactly," Deadpool said, then frowned. "Though I explained it way better. Yours was boring."
Malrick ignored the jab. "Fine. So what happened next? Did you kill this Mr. Paradox?"
"Of course not!" Deadpool gave him a weird look. "Disney doesn't let be that bloody anymore."
Malrick's mouth twitched. So, Deadpool was breaking the fourth wall again.
"You're not with Fox anymore?" Malrick asked cautiously.
"Don't even say that word to ! I'm Marvel now, baby!" Deadpool declared proudly, raising a fist. "Don't let Marvel think otherwise."
Malrick sighed. Great, the Fox X-n films really had been folded into the MCU.
"Alright, continue."
Deadpool nodded. "British Accent Guy said that without an Anchor Person, my universe would collapse in a few thousand years. Sounds like forever, right? But he didn't want to wait. Instead, he wanted to blow it up in two days—with a glorified coffee mug!"
Malrick facepald.
"So I stole his Ti Pad," Deadpool continued, waving the device, "and went on a quest to find Wolverine. I dug up his grave, checked under his bed, made sure he wasn't… doing private stuff in there. I found dwarf Wolverine, old Wolverine, blind Wolverine, Superman Wolverine—until finally, I got the right one."
"I dragged that Wolverine back to the TVA to replace our lost one. But British Accent Guy—ugh! Clearly soone who hasn't gotten laid in decades—told he wasn't qualified to be the Anchor Person."
Deadpool threw his arms up. "I wanted to strangle him! But then, this tiny little black hole opened up and sucked in."
He let out a dramatic sigh. "And that's how I ended up here."
____
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