I scrunched my brow in disbelief. What conversation was this. I turned to look wildly. No one had heard this declaration.
Sebastian placed his fork down and stared at Harshit. "You. Stop embarrassing her. I know you enough to be sure that you told her to play with my heart!"
I choked on the water I had tried to sip on to cool down.
"Okay, I'm done with lunch. I'll take my leave." I stood up abruptly, my cheeks burning. Well, everything they said (apart from the whole sister-in-law thing) was true. I shouldn't be embarrassed. Maybe, I should pour out all my tension and kiss him so many tis that it is no longer embarrassing to .
And talk to him like Harshit had ntioned. That seed like a good idea.
I prepared for the class for the rest of lunch. Sebastian didn't co back and I guessed that he was trying to give space. I was thankful for that. I found myself going through emails and answering questions rapidly despite how terribly busy my mind was with the images of intimacy with Sebastian.
How was Sebastian more emotionally adept than ? Hadn't he appointed for the sole purpose of helping him communicate with the world?
Then a thought... a dangerous thought passed through my mind.
What if... What if the only person with whom he truly communicated with, without barrier, was . Because he was putting in a conscious effort to get to know and place himself firmly in my life. When I thought back to the beginning I could almost laugh at this. When Alec interviewed , he had remained hidden in the shadows, observing . Thereafter, he had tried his best to keep his distance. Until the case. He had pervaded my life fully since then. Even when I didn't see him for months on end, I had sotis thought about him and his proposal. And that eventful day when I saw him on campus as he walked out of the departnt... I rembered being dazzled. His hair bronze and shining in the piercing sunlight, his glasses pushed down his nose as he fixed it. It was the first ti I saw him in perspective.
As other people saw him. I still rember his eyes and how they glittered on seeing . Had he liked since then?
Probably not. Maybe he admired and saw worth in appointing .
When had he started liking though? I wondered about it.
He had crept into my life and taken over so completely that I couldn't imagine it without him anymore. Now that my life was in multicolor, it would seem grey without him.
I realized that I liked him. Liked him a lot. But I needed answers.
The class flew by and we silently drove back to the complex. He walked to my apartnt, leaving to my thoughts. When I entered my apartnt, he remained outside the door.
"You aren't coming in?" I asked, surprised.
"No. You need ti to think," he said softly and shrugged. I felt my heart skip a beat.
"Will you answer a question?" I asked, almost pleading.
"Shoot."
"Since when did you like ?" I was so confused.
"Shortly after you started working as my assistant. I had great admiration for you but when you said yes... I don't know when it started. But before I realized that I adored you, I was already in the middle of it." He smiled, the corner of his lips soft.
Adore. That word was not like a violent proclamation of love. There was sothing soft about it that pleased the heart. It showed the willingness to wait and the respect he held for . I knew the aning of words, and the one he chose had pierced completely. I would not be able to escape.
"If I knew how much I would love you when I t you, I would have fallen in love with you at first sight." I saw his hand curl into a fist as he tried to stop himself from sothing. My eyes felt hot but I pushed them back.
"I'm sorry," I said quickly. I saw him open his mouth to speak but I stopped him short. "I am unable to commit to anything right now. It's my fault. I am not ready. But I like you, Sebastian. I really like you. While I cannot be in a relationship with you right now, I can tell you one thing. If I am entangled in a romantic relationship with anyone, it will be you. And no one else."
He hung his head, his knuckles turning white from the force of his restraint. I almost felt sorry for him.
"I don't believe I am capable of relationships and tenderness, but for you, I will fight to rediscover the confidence in myself." I stopped, my eyes locked on his fist. "Will you wait for ?" He didn't respond. "When I am better, will you do the honor of going out for a cup of coffee for ?" I asked again.
Fear crept through . He would reject , I was sure for a second.
"Yes," he whispered. I sighed in relief, sagging against the door and leaning into it.
"Are you holding yourself back?" I asked finally after a long mont of silence.
"Yes," he said through gritted teeth.
"Why?" I had to ask.
"I am trying my best to wait for you and not force you into anything." That made sense. But I didn't want him to hold back. My, what a conflicted and toxic person I was.
"Can't you stop holding back?" I asked. "I know... I am selfish. But I need confirmation that you like . I am pathetic." I screwed my eyes tightly shut to keep from saying more. I felt the brush of his lips against mine within a fraction of a second. My breath rushed out through my nose with the shudder that went through my body. Trapped between the door and the warmth of his body, I felt safe.
'Thank you,' I chanted in my mind. Under the glow of his affection, I felt invulnerable. Sothing I had not felt in years. It was not an unpleasant feeling.
At least, he was not holding back any longer.
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