"What happened?"
"My mother swung a knife."
Flinch.
Both listeners' shoulders jumped slightly at those words.
"At whom?"
"At the neighborhood representative who ca by to collect signatures from the residents."
The tension in the room eased slightly.
"Why?"
"There wasn't any reason. The doorbell rang, and I think she just grabbed a knife and went out. The mont the door opened, the woman scread at the top of her lungs. I was in my room, but I heard it and ran out. Thankfully, she wasn't hurt, but my mother had still attacked her with a knife. The police ca, and she was forcibly admitted to a psychiatric ward that sa day."
"Had anything like that happened before?"
"No. She was extrely cruel to , but to everyone else she seed perfectly normal. Although... she'd started behaving strangely a few months before that. Hoarding trash. Complaining that it was too noisy when there was no sound at all. The doctor said she'd only had a delusional disorder before then, but around that ti schizophrenia seed to develop as well."
And so Su Yeon's mother was admitted to a psychiatric ward.
There is a risk of harm to herself and others. Isolation and inpatient treatnt will be necessary until her condition improves.
Su Yeon signed the family consent forms.
And only then did the hell finally end.
For the first ti in her life, she no longer felt pressured to rush ho.
She wandered the streets for hours on end.
And during those aimless walks, she was scouted on the street and eventually signed with an agency.
"You realized by the ti you entered high school that your mother wasn't normal, didn't you?"
"...Yes. I didn't spend much ti with friends, but... their mothers weren't like that at all."
"Did you ever think about reporting it yourself? Asking soone for protection?"
"...I'd never made a decision for myself before. The desire for my mother to acknowledge gradually beca fear. As I got older, I realized more and more that what she was doing wasn't normal, but..."
"You beca helpless."
"...Yes."
People who endure long periods of emotional abuse eventually lose the strength to resist.
Because they've never experienced saving themselves, they stop trusting themselves.
"Right. The last things you felt toward your mother were fear and helplessness. Let's start there. What did you do when you were afraid?"
"I buried my face in my bed and covered my ears. Then I waited until the sounds of her kicking the door and screaming insults stopped."
"Try rembering those feelings and repeat, 'I'm scared,' ten tis. Put as much emotion into it as you can."
Su Yeon squeezed her eyes shut once, as though the task itself burdened her.
Then she opened her mouth.
The sound that erged at first was little more than a murmur.
But as she repeated it, the words gradually took shape.
"I'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scaredI'm scared!!"
Until now, Su Yeon had only imitated emotions.
A higher pitch.
An agitated tone.
Since she couldn't access the emotions themselves, creating convincing vocal patterns had been the best she could do.
And that was what she was doing now.
The repeated words rang out loudly, spreading through the room before striking the walls and fading away emptily.
{Hmm... just as I thought. It isn't working.}
Miho sounded disappointed, though she had expected this.
Even if Su Yeon had voluntarily shared her past and asked for help, that didn't an her emotions were open.
Consciously, she desperately wanted to overco her problems.
Unconsciously, her defenses remained as solid as ever.
{Let's move to Plan B.}
Miho made her suggestion.
If she had built such strong walls because fully confronting her own story would destroy her,
then it would have to be shown through soone else's story.
Yu Myeong stood and took three steps backward.
The thod Miho had proposed was for Yu Myeong to act out Su Yeon's psychology himself.
{That girl spent years turning away from her own story and disappearing into movies and novels instead. But what happens if soone else performs her heart for her?}
There was a technique within psychodrama that worked like this.
People exchanged roles and acted as one another to understand each other's feelings.
Miho's adaptation went one step further.
By watching Yu Myeong perform her, Su Yeon would be able to view her own story as though it belonged to soone else.
Only then might she finally experience the emotions she had buried.
It wasn't an easy thod.
His acting needed to be powerful enough to persuade soone whose instinct was to shut her heart the mont it was threatened.
Miho thought it was only possible because it was Yu Myeong.
And she found herself realizing that he was one of the few humans capable of inspiring that degree of trust in her.
He's remarkable in more ways than one...
After explaining that he would be performing her role, Yu Myeong spoke.
"Su Yeon, if there's anything you want to say while you're watching, say it. Anything at all. Okay?"
"...Okay."
Following the posture Su Yeon had described, Yu Myeong curled into himself and covered his ears.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
As requested, Ryu Shin stomped his foot against the floor.
The veins in Yu Myeong's arms bulged from how tightly he pressed his hands against his ears.
Then he shouted.
"Stop pounding on the door!"
Yu Myeong's performance began.
Su Yeon jerked in surprise and planted a hand behind herself.
As if the outburst had never happened, Yu Myeong imdiately covered his ears again and began trembling.
His shaking body suddenly lost strength and toppled sideways.
Thunk.
His head struck the floor.
Yet he never removed his hands from his ears.
His body rolled helplessly across the ground.
Gasp—
Su Yeon flinched.
She was afraid he might hurt himself.
That flash of concern created a tiny crack in the wall she had prepared so carefully.
Roll—
Sprawled across the floor, he looked like a tiny, fragile creature.
Still lying on his side with his ears covered, he began to speak.
"I wanted to scream those words. But they never made it out of my mouth. Making myself invisible was an old habit. When I was young, I begged for forgiveness every ti Mom flew into one of her fits. But as I got older, I realized that only made her worse. So I locked myself in my room, covered my ears, and waited for ti to pass."
His voice was little more than a whisper.
Yet years of helplessness soaked through every word.
Blink.
A single tear slid down his cheek.
Su Yeon's heart lurched.
She knew that expression.
"Mom... can I please go downtown with my friends today? It's the first ti I've ever been invited to a birthday party... They said I don't even need money. I'll go right after school and won't stay too late. Just two hours... no, even one hour..."
Her eyes squeezed shut.
There had really been a day like that.
A classmate who rarely spoke and never participated in anything.
At the beginning of each sester, her pretty face would attract a little attention.
But before long, people would start saying things like:
"She's like a doll. She never shows any expression. She's kind of gloomy."
And the other students would lose interest in her.
Yet there had been one friend.
A bright, cheerful girl everyone liked.
She had invited Su Yeon to her birthday party.
"Co with us. I want to be friends with you. Please?"
"I'm sorry... I won't go. I was wrong. Please don't hit . Please don't yell at . P...please don't co in!"
That day, she had gathered every ounce of courage she possessed and begged to be allowed to go.
Her mother's response had been explosive.
And after that, she never tried again.
Terror twisted through the boy's eyes.
Su Yeon's own eyes clouded over.
Her body trembled.
Fight back!
You didn't do anything wrong!
She wanted to encourage the helpless, trembling boy crying in front of her.
She wanted to wrap his wounded heart in warmth.
She wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault.
Get up.
Fight.
Why are you just sitting there?
She wanted to rush forward and fight in his place.
Only then did she realize.
That was her.
"...It's not your fault."
The words rolled around inside her mouth for a long ti before finally erging as a whisper.
But like a single spark becoming a wildfire that consud an entire mountain, they grew instantly.
"It's not your fault... It's not your fault..."
Her voice grew louder.
"It's not your fault!!"
She covered her face with both hands.
Her shoulders shook violently.
Fear.
"It's not my fault!!!"
And then anger.
"That's right. It's not your fault. Be angry. Feel wronged. Rage. Let it out. None of this was your fault."
For the first ti, she showed a real emotion.
"It's not my fault..."
Tears stread down her face.
Ryu Shin's eyes widened.
There wasn't just one astonishing thing.
There were dozens.
Yu Myeong's professional skill in guiding Su Yeon.
The extraordinary idea of performing her past himself so she could see it objectively.
The heartbreaking realism of his acting.
And the emotions it had truly drawn from her.
The woman who was always smiling, though no one could ever tell if her smiles were genuine, was now angry.
She was crying.
For months he had taught her while wondering whether her emotions would ever erge.
That concern shattered completely.
Watching her tremble before her own pain was heartbreaking.
Yet at the sa ti—
she looked alive for the first ti.
"Good job."
Yu Myeong gently rubbed her shaking back.
And Su Yeon sobbed against his arm for a long ti.
"Su Yeon. Look at ."
Eventually she cald down a little.
Yu Myeong drew her attention.
Her red, swollen eyes lifted toward him.
"When you express your emotions, nothing changes."
"..."
"You thought the world would collapse if you got angry. If you shouted. If you showed how much you were hurting. You thought you'd break apart."
She nodded carefully.
"But look. No one got hurt. You haven't changed. I haven't changed. Even your mother hasn't changed. Expressing yourself won't magically improve everything. But it won't make things worse either. So..."
Gently stroking her hair, he smiled.
"It's okay to express it. At the very least, it keeps your heart from rotting."
"...Okay..."
"There are probably a lot of emotions you've locked away because you didn't want anyone to see them. Let's find them. And through all of this, there's one thing you absolutely need to rember."
"..."
"It's okay to be angry. You're the victim."
Fresh tears spilled from her eyes.
Since childhood, she had been told everything was her fault.
Her mother had blad her for ruining her life.
And as Su Yeon grew into a beautiful young woman, her mother hated and envied everything that brought her happiness.
It's not your fault.
You're the victim.
Even her attending physician had told her those words countless tis.
But they always bounced off the walls she had built around her heart.
For the first ti,
they finally reached her.
Thirteen days passed.
Each day she beca one year younger.
The new thod Miho had created for her involved moving backward through ti, year by year, uncovering the words and emotions she had buried.
"I don't want you to cut it! Please don't! You never buy anything pretty, and this was the only thing I treasured enough to grow out... Why are you doing this to ? Am I really your daughter?"
Resentnt.
"I want to go on the field trip too... You don't have to make lunch. I won't even eat. Just... please let go..."
Longing.
"Will there ever be a day when Mom likes ? If I listen to everything she says... soday?"
Hope.
As they t the nineteen year old, the eighteen year old, the seventeen year old...
all the way back to the seven year old Su Yeon,
Yu Myeong and Ryu Shin repeatedly had to fight back tears.
But on the final day, they watched a little girl beg for a pretty headband, only to see her mother's hardened expression and imdiately apologize, promising she would never ask again.
At that point, both n had to turn away and bite their lips.
They prayed that from now on,
only happiness would remain in the life of a girl whose childhood had been a punishnt.
When everything was over, she bowed deeply.
"Oppa. Senior. Thank you for staying with through such a difficult ti. Both of you are my benefactors."
Ryu Shin, who had been staring at her expressionlessly, suddenly spoke.
"Call Oppa too."
And she smiled.
A smile brighter than any either of them had ever seen before.
"Okay, Oppa."
{Call Oppa too.}
Miho, who had guided her through all thirteen days using Yu Myeong's voice, added proudly from the side.
Hearing it, Yu Myeong laughed.
Your real benefactor is soone else, Su Yeon.
From the bottom of his heart, he was grateful to Miho.
Before they began the psychodrama, he had told her sothing.
That the process would be difficult.
And that it would not heal her wounds.
That was true.
The past could not be undone.
The wounds remained.
This history would stay with her forever, resurfacing from ti to ti to tornt her.
But...
She had faced herself.
She had spoken all the words she had never been able to say.
And she had learned sothing.
Nothing happened.
Now, when sorrow suddenly surged through her, she would no longer fear crying.
When she was angry, she would be angry.
When she was happy, she would smile.
And by pouring those painful emotions into her acting, the fulfillnt she found there would slowly begin to heal her.
"Shall we try a monologue?"
Yu Myeong handed her a sheet of paper.
Her hand trembled as she read it, gathering her emotions.
Could she truly imrse herself now?
She closed her eyes.
Took a small breath in.
Let it out.
Her narrow shoulders rose and fell.
"I'll begin."
And her first true performance began.
The author would like to thank Dr. K, a board certified psychiatrist, for providing professional consultation for this work.
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