Rosa waved her hand: "Forget it, I don’t want you to ask about my matters, so I won’t ask about yours either."
Shi Nian looked at Rosa, and could vaguely guess what Rosa wanted to ask.
Everyone has secrets in their heart, pasts they don’t want others to probe; Rosa is like that, and so is she herself.
From this perspective, she also understood the reason for Rosa’s resistance. That clown, the year she was taken away by the clown—those are all things Rosa absolutely doesn’t want to revisit. Yet, she still persisted in waiting for Rosa to speak, trying every effort for it.
But this effort, for Rosa who wishes to protect her secrets, ans an invisible yet heavy pressure.
And the best way to combat this pressure is to find an identical stance with Rosa, to face the sa pressure in the sa role.
Shi Nian lowered her head, unconsciously clenching her hands, "Rosa, ask whatever you want. I allow you to ask."
Rosa stared intently at Shi Nian, "...What really happened between you and your dad back then? How did A Yuan get involved?"
Shi Nian hesitated for a mont, wondering where to begin with this question.
Rosa also felt a bit awkward, quickly explaining, "You understand, I don’t an to pry into your privacy, it’s just that your past is related to both myself and A Yuan. It was after that incident that A Yuan brought you from China, and because of your appearance, I lost A Yuan. So I really want to know what exactly happened back then."
Shi Nian tried to smile, "I understand. Since I allowed you to ask, it ans I want to answer you; my hesitation cos from the fact that after that incident, I was traumatized and developed PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), and so mories are not very complete, so I don’t know where to start telling you."
Rosa nodded, feeling sympathy for Shi Nian for the first ti. She reassured her, "It’s okay, speak however you like. Say what you can in a way you feel comfortable."
Shi Nian nodded, feeling this was a good opportunity. She needed to organize this past again to find that person in her mory. There’s no better ti than now, so it’s good to start like this.
Today the sunlight was lovely, golden rays stread through the windows, filling the room with a mist of light gold. In the mist, fine dust danced without wind, like introspective dancers, maintaining inner peace, dancing only for themselves.
"...My dad is a policeman, over many years he has arrested many criminals, and thereby offended quite a few people, many of whom swore not to let my dad off, promising to settle the score with him once out of prison, threatening to kill him and our whole family."
"That year, my dad was about to retire, working harder to resolve all his cases before retirent, leaving with no regrets from his post. But he didn’t expect the cases he encountered to beco increasingly difficult. Almost as if soone was deliberately opposing him, making it impossible for him to fulfill his wish. That period greatly affected his mood, he started questioning if he was too old, if his mind was no longer as sharp as it used to be, that’s why he had no leads on several cases."
Rosa listened in surprise, unable to resist interjecting, "Could it be that your dad’s enemies really ca to trouble him?"
Shi Nian nodded with a bitter smile, "My dad thought so too. But my dad is ticulous, he kept detailed records of all the cases he worked on, all the criminals he caught, compiling them into files. My dad said he rembered each case, knew each criminal’s thods inside out, and the cases at that ti, although appearing to have hints of those forr cases, were clearly not done by the sa people."
"My dad said a formidable opponent must have erged, intentionally creating a misleading puzzle, using cases he had worked on as a guise, imitating the thods of criminals he’d caught to confuse others and challenge him."
Rosa was also so tense her mouth fell open.
"Then sothing really happened. That day, my mom and I were out when a car suddenly stopped beside us. Sensing sothing amiss, I pushed my mom away, and then I was dragged into the car by several people..."
"You were kidnapped?!" Rosa exclaid.
"Yes." Shi Nian shook her head with a bitter smile, "I was covered mouth and nose as soon as I got in the car, and I fainted. I was taken to several places, hearing them seemingly quarrelling internally. I tried to escape but failed each ti. Eventually, I was taken to a strange place with no light, no sound, unable to call for help."
While recounting, Shi Nian stubbornly tried to smile. However, when truly recalling the despair of that ti, it was hard to maintain the smile.
"You can understand that feeling, right? It’s like playing an escape room ga. That place was a perfect escape room, without any clues, any tools, not even knowing day from night, not knowing how many days had passed. Ti in that escape room beca an abstract concept, aningless."
"Heavens..." Rosa uttered in a low voice, "Being trapped in a place like that could drive soone insane."
Shi Nian smiled bitterly, "Exactly, I thought I had gone mad then. Loneliness, despair, being trapped—that might not be as terrifying. What truly scared was having no one to talk to. Then I only clung to the walls, screaming till my voice broke, saying, ’I won’t run, I won’t resist, just let soone talk to . Even if just to hear speak!’"
The hospital room was silent, Shi Nian’s tale sounded so lonely, Rosa could feel that sentint, involuntarily biting her sleeve, staring fixatedly at Shi Nian.
—Because she herself had also experienced similar situations to Shi Nian.
Similar loneliness and despair, gradually forgetting the concept of ti.
.
Shi Nian stopped here suddenly, trying several tis to continue but failing each ti.
Shi Nian looked apologetically at Rosa, "I’m sorry, I don’t know how to tell you what happened next. My ntal state at that ti, you can imagine, so I don’t know if those mories are real, or just illusions born from despair."
Rosa curled up her legs, hugging her knees, "It’s okay, just tell what you rember."
"...Afterwards, I don’t know if my prayers really reached the heavens, but soone truly ca in the darkness. Although I couldn’t see his face or hear his voice, and his scent was washed away by frequent bathing, covered by the sll of the most common shampoo and shower gel, his existence made find peace in the darkness. Even, I gradually adapted to the darkness and stopped wanting to go mad."
Shi Nian awkwardly looked at Rosa, "...Isn’t it unbelievable? How could there be a person who doesn’t speak, not even having a personal scent in this world? I couldn’t believe it, so I thought I might have conjured this nonexistent person in my mind, trapped in low loneliness and despair."
Rosa’s eyes flickered with confusion but didn’t question Shi Nian.
Shi Nian sensed sothing and couldn’t help asking, "Rosa...do you believe what I’m saying?"
With her head on her knees, Rosa’s empty gaze turned to Shi Nian: "...clown."
Shi Nian’s heart suddenly ignited but didn’t dare to alarm Rosa, carefully asking, "Have you t a clown?"
Rosa closed her eyes wearily, whispering as if in a dream, "I also had tis like you. When I was about to despair, a clown ca. He brought books and drawing tools, and a CD player."
"I was a bit luckier because I could see the light, see that he was a clown. But he also never spoke, his face always that of a clown, so I never knew his true appearance, I couldn’t even be sure if he was male or female. I just rember, during that most desperate and fearful ti, he was the only one who could bring joy; he was the person I most wanted to see during that period."
.
Shi Nian’s thoughts also stalled, looking at Rosa in surprise.
The Rosa in front of her was no longer the financial powerhouse Rosa, nor was she the Rosa who fiercely competed with her over Xiang Yuan. The Rosa in front of her had her eyes lightly closed, eyelashes gently trembling, seemingly traveling back through ti, becoming that twelve-year-old girl again.
Shi Nian softened her voice, as if fearing to disturb her dream—despite knowing she shouldn’t be asleep now, yet her state seed like dreaming.
"Rosa, do you an that after being taken by the clown, he often appeared in front of you, yet he always looked like a clown?"
"Mm." Rosa hugged her knees, smiling gently like in a dream, "That night my parents promised to take to see a clown stage play. But they both broke their promises, neither ca back, leaving alone at ho. Then suddenly soone knocked on the door, I thought it was my parents returning, and rushed joyfully to open it—only to see a clown standing there."
"He said he was the clown from the stage play. He said my parents would break their promise to , but he wouldn’t. He ca to take away, not leaving alone at ho."
－
[Third update coming soon]
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