I finally told Mazao my true feelings.
Using that as a starting point, I confessed all the deceptions I’d spun since eting her, as well as all my entanglents and emotional journeys. I even revealed the disgraceful secret that I planned to use the second Little Bowl as a last-resort threat.
Of course, that included many other things that I didn’t necessarily have to say. But having revealed my biggest secret, holding anything back now seed insincere. If I was to expose myself, I had to lay out everything, spill my guts. In the end, my candor with Mazao wasn’t just because my web of lies would eventually unravel, but also because I couldn’t stand how I’d lied to her thus far. Now, this was a reckoning with my past self.
After saying everything, I was supposed to await Mazao’s judgnt. Would she disdain , or would she forgive ? I couldn’t preemptively know the answer; the anxiety of the unknown gripped my heart like a demonic claw. Yet, I felt a lightness throughout my body, as if a heavy burden had finally lifted from my shoulders.
There was no turning back now. Whatever Mazao’s response, I would face it head-on. My mind teed with countless possibilities, and I believed I could withstand any outco.
However, it turned out that I might have been overly presumptuous.
After hearing my story, Mazao looked down and fell silent for a long while. I awaited her response, eager to break the unbearable silence—even a scolding would be welco. But her reaction was beyond anything I had imagined.
"Zhuang Cheng, you’re trying to comfort , aren’t you?" she said in a muted tone.
"...What?" I was stunned.
Comforting... Which part of what I had just said was ant to be comforting? Instinctively, I reviewed everything I had just spoken. Then a flash of insight struck; I realized that a crucial misunderstanding might have occurred.
"When you were talking to Fu Feng before, he ntioned that your life was originally free from the supernatural. After hearing that, I figured that if you hadn’t encountered , you wouldn’t have ended up an enemy to Impermanence. Even as the world worsens, you might still have continued a peaceful life..." She spoke despondently, "To be honest, I felt heartbroken... I thought I had hidden it well. You must have seen through my thoughts, so you ca to comfort ."
"Wait, it’s not like that. I really long for adventure... It’s the desire to encounter the supernatural that made want to be with you," I hurriedly clarified.
"But, how could that possibly be?" she asked, "Who would abandon a peaceful life to seek danger and the paranormal?"
Indeed, this was irrefutable. Although it’s odd for to say, I was quite aware of how rare people like are. The world is full of fools who unwittingly court death, but those who knowingly seek danger and treat it as a ’hobby’ are few and far between. The persuasiveness of this mad persona probably falls short of the "righteous and kind-hearted person" image I had previously crafted for Mazao.
Especially since Mazao had lived in the Doomsday Era, where the basic rule of survival was to avoid danger and the paranormal. People like probably wouldn’t have survived a day there. Not to ntion seeing such a person, she probably hadn’t even heard of one. The persuasiveness drops another level.
I was so full of myself, focused only on my own thoughts. I thought that by simply telling the truth, Mazao would believe . A little reflection would make it clear; in this world, conviction is just as necessary to make soone believe your truth as your lies.
The real challenge laid in this aspect. Perhaps this was the consequence of my myriad lies. The boy who cried wolf in fairy tales eventually wasn’t believed when he told the truth.
Luckily, inspiration struck, and I thought of a way to convince Mazao.
"Perhaps it is hard to believe that such people exist, but I truly haven’t lied. If you’re unsure, you can let Zhu Shi help verify. You know she has the ability to see through lies. I can teleport to her now, and you can co too. Then everything will beco clear," I said.
"I see... Did you also beforehand talk to Zhu Shi? Have you asked her to collaborate with you..." she said, her voice complicated.
"No, it’s not like that..." I replied.
"But if it’s not the case, wouldn’t that be contradictory?" she asked.
"Contradictory?" I didn’t understand.
"In my world, only misfortune is destined to happen around ; I have the Broom Star Physique that only attracts disasters and danger," she said, "I once heard a saying, ’Every being has its purpose.’ So, I’ve pondered that even if I only attract troubles, maybe soone might need ...
"But even if there exists soone who needs , what they need couldn’t possibly be my aspect as the Broom Star. It’s my ability to fight Sin Demons, repair things, and investigate that are truly valuable.
"Yet you tell , although I am soone who attracts trouble inexplicably, there happens to be a person in another era, another place, who just loves encountering one disaster after another. And I was incredibly fortunate to have traveled through ti and space to his era, and even more miraculously, I t him... How could such an incredibly good thing happen to just happen to ?
"Zhuang Cheng, I’m glad that you don’t care that I attract danger and misfortunes, and are willing to fight alongside . To , this is already a blessing I could only dream of, so..."
Near the end, she hugged her knees and curled up on the bed, her voice trembling, and her face began showing unease and fear.
Only then did I realize that the key issue might not be the lack of persuasiveness in my heartfelt words.
Even if the words I just spoke were persuasive, Mazao still might not choose to believe . Because she’s afraid, she’s afraid that soone can accept everything about her.
In the wandering life of the Doomsday Era, she must have lost a lot and suffered greatly. So, now, she’s no longer afraid of loss or harm. Instead, what can truly hurt her, is not the calamities that co one after another, but rather, it’s luck.
Calamity isn’t scary to her because she knows how to face it. Only under the cold soak of calamity can she find peace. There, she doesn’t need to worry about losing anything, because she’s already got nothing. However, happiness burns her. On her, peace and happiness seem to be at odds.
For her, so-called peace is the state without fear.
But happiness is frightening.
...
In any case, it seems that my action to express my sincerity has unexpectedly ended in failure.
The unexpected part is not the failure itself, but the form of failure. I had even considered the possibility that I would not dare to speak my sincere words at the end, but I never thought about the possibility that Mazao wouldn’t dare to believe.
I sat down opposite Mazao.
"Mazao, what would it take for you to believe ?" I said.
"I will not believe it; your words are too fanciful, they are just impossible things," Mazao stated unswervingly.
"What if it’s just a hypothetical?" I asked.
"Hypothetical?" she inquired.
"Suppose you really t such a person," I said.
"Such a hypothesis is invalid," she said without hesitation.
"Didn’t you say before that having soone to fight alongside you is sothing that could only happen in dreams? Since we’re going to dream anyway, let’s intensify the depth of the dream. Dreams don’t need logic, anything fanciful can happen," I said, "In this world, there’s even a divine seal that can fulfill all wishes, you surely wouldn’t think that your Broom Star Physique could overpower the power of the divine seal."
I paused for a mont, then slowly continued, "If the divine seal suddenly made all of what I said co true... what would you think?"
"The divine seal..."
At first, she looked at suspiciously, but under my gentle persuasion, she gradually lowered her head, seemingly imagining the scenario I described.
"If there really is such a person..." her expression beca entranced, "If soone really could accept all of like that, then, even if I had to give up everything, I would..."
Then, as if suddenly awakening from her imagination, she beca very calm and continued, "...But, how could there possibly be such a person? Even I have never dared to indulge in such convenient fantasies."
Sorry about that, but I’m just that convenient of a person.
And you were clearly thinking about it just now.
I gradually cald my mind and began to consider how to make Mazao believe . To tell the truth, I am clueless. It’s very simple to question sothing; with a doubtful mind, there’s nothing in this world that can’t be questioned. But thoroughly proving sothing is extrely difficult.
It’s not enough for my words to rely sound true; I have to create a situation that Mazao can’t deny no matter what she does, a situation where she is utterly unable to refute and can only believe that I am that person—the one willing to accept all of her calamities and misfortunes, the one who can make her so happy that it frightens her.
I want to realize the fantasy that she didn’t even dare to dream of.
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