Volu 13, Prologue
——After letting go of the sword dripping with blood, Kusanagi Takeru looked up at the blue sky.
The day has risen long ago.
Outside was being baked in heat and the odor of vegetation tickling his nose was uncomfortable.
Sothing on the ground was slling of iron.
It was a girl with very white skin and black hair.
A girl he has raised his hand upon.
Just recently he has learned that she was his little sister. After learning that the girl of Kusanagi harboring demons was his little sister he was both happy, and sad.
For the first ti in his life he felt he needed soone else. An existence he wanted to have beside him.
And yet——he ended up killing her.
"…Why?"
He asked himself. Why did you kill her? If the girl who accumulated demon curse over long years is released, demons shall spread all over the world. That's why she has to be killed. That's what his father said.
That's why you have to choose, his father said.
This was the result of his choice. A body right in front of him.
Why?
For his parents?
Wrong.
For himself?
Wrong.
For the world?
Definitely not.
Then for what sake?
『"Kill Kiseki."』
"…………"
Tears spilled from Takeru's pupils as he looked at the sky. He killed her for her own sake. For her, who was sneered at, feared and hurt by the world, and yet endured all alone.
For her sake Takeru had beco lonely.
Falling onto his knees, he smashed his both hands into the ground.
Tears fell onto the dry earth one after another.
"Dammit… as if I could bear this burden…"
Inside of Takeru overflowed with anger.
Why did this happen. Why did this happen. Why did this happen. Why did this happen.
There's no way this is a good end. This isn't what I want.
Stop screwing with . Stop screwing with damn it. This sheet just can't be.
Feeling loneliness for the first ti since being born, Takeru was bewildered.
He looked around seeking help.
"Why… am I in a place like this all alone?"
The feeling of discomfort from hurting his little sister and the fact he was despairing all alone lacked sense of reality.
His parents died. He killed his little sister. But other than that he had sothing else, sothing, many things precious to him…
Where have they gone? What was it, and who was it?
"——No."
I don't like this. My parents are dead, my little sister is dead, people precious to aren't by my side. I hate this. I hate being alone.
Takeru approached the girl who didn't breathe and pressed against her chest with all his strength. Putting his entire body's weight on his arm, he pounded the girl's chest.
"Don't die…! You can't! Wake up…! I want you to remain by my side…!"
Breathing roughly, Takeru desperately tried to resuscitate the girl.
He already pierced her heart with his blade. But despite knowing it's pointless, he did not stop.
"Don't leave alone…"
It was as if his basic feelings were revealed. Not knowing human hearts he always distanced himself from others, but now that he has beco lonely he realized just how much he needs others. And just how selfish he was. That's why he wanted his little sister to live. That's why he sought the existences who disappeared even from his mories. All of it was his ans of escaping loneliness.
His tears spilled. For such self-centered desire he didn't want his little sister to die. How sly and cunning, how hideous. In the end, in his desire to save his little sister, the thought of doing it "for her sake" was rely a pretext.
Selfish, self-centered. Exactly that. So what… whether it's past or the future, he intended to co clean with it soday. But seeing reality in front of him, he could only be disgusted at how despicable he was. The fact that despite killing his little sister, he goes wallowing just how much he hates it, and how much he doesn't want to give up, felt so disgusting that it felt nauseating.
This was Kusanagi Takeru's real nature.
"…………ugh."
No matter how much he tried to resuscitate her, his little sister did not wake up. He was unable to recognize her face too well, but he was certain that she was at peace.
Death was his little sister's wish. He granted her this wish.
Takeru's sweat-covered face was twisted with resignation.
——If you realize just how despicable you are, instead of acting sissy he might as well act proud about it.
He heard a voice in his head.
——You did well as a brother. You have saved you little sister from the vortex of suffering. That's much better than acting selfish, not wanting either your little sister die, or die yourself.
This voice cald Takeru's fury.
——This is the result everyone wanted. Thanks to you, your little sister won't hurt anyone and will sleep without being hurt either.
This voice did not soothe him. It was tempting him.
——You aren't at fault. What's at fault is what forced this suffering on you and your little sister, this world itself. Rather than hating yourself, hate this world.
——Destroy it, this world——you will kill this world's God.
"…………"
Takeru hung his head and relaxed his muscles. He felt like entrusting his heart to the voice.
Heartbroken, Takeru had no strength to resist the voice nor he had any reason to. His little sister was in death's comfortable embrace, out of his reach. People who supported him didn't exist right from the start.
It's fine, isn't it.
There was no need to remain lonely, was there. There was no need to remain alive. If he unleashes his hatred towards the world, he'll feel better. Once he breaks everything and all, there'll be nothing to…
"…ha-haha…"
Laughter leaked out of Takeru's mouth.
His heart broke and he already gave up.
But, for so reason. For so reason Takeru's arms attempting to revive his little sister did not stop. He shouldn't have any strength left, but his body kept moving.
Why did he so miserably, so brazenly, so unsightly struggled? He granted his sister what she wished for, so why take this peace away from her?
He questioned himself. He questioned his mory.
Rember. Rember the reason why is this body not giving up.
"…I feel like… I was told sothing by soone… I don't know when was it… I can't recall."
A voice leaked from his dry lips.
"Soone allowed my… wretchedness…"
Along with tears, a voice has co out deep from inside his soul.
"Soone sowhere… is affirming… my selfishness…"
He hit his little sister's chest. As long as he had strength, there was hope.
With his own desire. With his own selfish ego.
"That 's why I… can't stop my hands…"
The warmth of hands pushing his back was revived.
Even if he had no mory of it, a warmth of embrace shook his soul.
"No matter how pathetic, miserable, disgusting, nauseating I am… I…"
I can't betray that warmth.
That's why——
"I need to be proud of myself as I am."
With his tears flowing without end, Takeru continued to press on his little sister's chest.
The pain of forcing his way through with his ego was much harsher than pretty words and just argunts. It was more painful than settling for easy results. Believing in his own ego had imasurable difficulty. Takeru wasn't so strong. In fact, he was a lump of self-loathing.
Soone said.
Don't think awareness is an excuse, he said.
Soone said.
You being aware of it makes it even worse.
That was exactly right. That's why even while being ready to vomit, Takeru continued to question himself as he forced his way through. Crying miserably, intoxicated with himself, he moved his body.
So that one day, he could really be proud of himself. In order not to be alone. In order to reject loneliness. And to be together with people precious to him.
In order to regain all that he holds dear.
"I guess, I'm a fucking bastard… even if I say so myself…"
While mocking himself, Takeru continued to struggle. His little sister's body grew cold and hard like stone, but he did not give up.
He felt so sad his tears wouldn't stop. There was not enough hope for a droplet of tears, he couldn't help but to hate himself for being unable to stop.
It was so lonely to be alone, that he couldn't stand it.
"Uu-unn… nngh…"
Takeru struggled desperately trying to recall soone's warmth.
How many months have passed. A minute, an hour, a day, it felt even like a year. Takeru continued to try reviving his little sister.
Even if sumr passes, and fall had cos, vegetation withers and winter cos, and then spring cos along with fresh sprouts.
Even if his little sister's body rots and all that's left are bones.
Without rest, continuing without end, he continued to fight all alone.
It wasn't manly. It wasn't beautiful.
His simple honesty did not connect with salvation.
This was reality, and reality isn't so sweet.
Before long not even bones were left of his little sister's body, which returned into the earth.
With nothing for his hands to touch, Takeru embraced himself while clenching teeth and looked up at the sky.
"Damn… damn it…!"
No matter how much he stimulated her heart, a dead person won't go back to life. It was completely different from fighting and defeating enemies. No matter how much he continued, a miracle didn't happen. It was impossible right from the start.
However.
However, however, however, however.
"…………"
Takeru stopped embracing himself and reached out to the ground. Then started digging in the dry soil.
It was nothing but madness. From the mont he tried to revive a dead person, he was completely insane.
Even when the tips fingers broke, even when his nails broke, Takeru did not stop.
If there was soone who could stop him that would be——
The ones who are gone, people important to him who have disappeared.
——I wanted to be saved.
——I wanted soone to stop .
——But there's no one here.
——There is no one to embrace .
——I was weak to no end.
——I had nowhere near enough power to save.
——I can't bear being alone.
——Alone I'm just a fool.
——I can no longer live alone.
——Soone, help .
"You really don't know when to give up."
After a ridiculously long ti, the response had co when his own body was on verge of rotting. After over a hundred years, she appeared in front of Takeru.
From behind she hugged Takeru's shrunken and rounded back.
"You're miserable, brazen, selfish and self-righteous… but…"
He could no longer turn around. His arms were worn out, he might as well not have them. His body was rely a machine for breathing. Even his breathing would end soon.
She embraced Takeru's body, which had only bones and skin remaining on it.
"But I love that about you. Even if no one in the world acknowledges you… I will love you."
"…………"
"I'm sorry to make you lonely until you have turned like this…"
This voice wasn't an auditory hallucination.
"Even if this isn't reality, I allowed you to taste loneliness for such a long ti."
Warmth had touched Takeru's chilled heart.
"It's all right. You are no longer alone. I am with you. I am forever by your side."
His hand akin to a dead branch has reached out to the warmth.
"Even if you're weak… even if you're stupidly honest, I will grant you power."
"…………"
"You haven't lost anything yet."
"…………"
"So stand up with pride. For your own sake."
Power has filled his collapsing body.
He recalled. He got it back. Everything.
"Now——"
Takeru stood up.
"Wake up——it's ti to save the world, Host."
Even if it's his selfishness.
Even if it's madness.
If he has the power to save——
——Kusanagi Takeru will stand up.
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