March 12, 2020.
"……."
"……."
Silence again. Alicia swallowed hard, her jaw tightening. Cabelenus quietly took in her expression and movents. At so point, the tremor in Alicia's gaze had vanished. She nodded faintly and wrapped her trembling hands around her shoulders, a resolute look on her face. A face that had steeled itself for sothing.
"Alicia Neuschwein."
Cabelenus's voice rang low as he realized that Alicia’s actions were not an attempt to protect herself. Her gaze wavered as she t his eyes, but her hands did not stop. Clink. A golden hairpin tumbled to the floor. At the sa mont, a wrinkle ford between Cabelenus’s smooth brows.
The garnts of Neuschwein were not sewn together. Instead, a single piece of fabric was draped and fastened with shoulder pins or a belt around the waist to create folds and structure. As a result, it was all too easy for the thin fabric Alicia wore to slip away, exposing her skin. Cabelenus clenched his jaw at the sight of her bare flesh peeking through the cloth that had slipped halfway down.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"You intend to take , don’t you?"
A faint smile appeared on Alicia’s lips.
"Take you?"
Cabelenus's expression visibly twisted. He wanted to bark at her to put her clothes back on, but he was speechless before soone who had laid herself bare without a shred of hesitation.
Never in his life had he lacked the company of won. Many had tried to seduce him; so had even thrown themselves naked onto his bed. But not once had he been tempted. His aversion to touching another person’s bare skin always outweighed any physical desire.
Yet, inexplicably, he could not look away from this pitiful woman.
"I am untouched. You may not get exactly what you desire, but I have no intention of resisting. You may do as you wish."
"The princess of Neuschwein… You do not find the invader who defiled your land repulsive?"
"I simply know when to surrender."
Alicia lowered her gaze. She feigned indifference, but kneeling before this man filled her with sha. Just imagining what was to co made her entire body tremble uncontrollably, despite her efforts to stay still.
"You talk big for soone who is shaking in fear."
"This is all I can do."
"Then why not use that sharp tongue of yours to make another wish? Instead of the pitiful plea you made in court, beg for your own life this ti."
Cabelenus sneered, looking down at her with a mocking gaze. Alicia’s crimson hair spilled around her, making her pale face seem even more deathly white.
"The only wish I have is that no one dies unjustly."
"Do you an that?"
"Those who want to live should be the ones allowed to live, not those who have already given up."
A thin breath escaped Alicia’s lips. Cabelenus turned away from her, gripping the brooch fastening his cloak. At that mont, he understood the look in her eyes.
She had no will to live.
"If you truly want to die, you could just take your own life."
His words were intentionally sharp, ant to provoke her, but Alicia’s expression remained unchanged. Cabelenus’s smooth forehead furrowed deeper.
It was irritating. She was visibly terrified yet still speaking as if she was in control. More than that, however, the scars scattered across her bare skin unnerved him.
"…How dull."
He shot her a frigid glare, harsher than a midwinter storm, then turned and left the room.
All that remained in his place was a shattered brooch, its form too broken to be recognized.
***
What is that man thinking?
Alicia blinked blankly. A month had already passed since the castle had fallen. Much had changed, and even a child could tell that more changes were yet to co.
What was once Neuschwein Castle had been renad Weizen, and with the new na ca new people and possessions. The situation within the castle had stabilized, and the air, once thick with the stench of blood, was now filled with the bustle of preparing for its new ruler.
The only relic of the old world that remained within the castle was Alicia herself.
"Your scars have healed considerably. I’ll prescribe a new dicine."
The old physician smiled warmly as he applied ointnt to her back. Alicia resisted the urge to squirm at the ticklish sensation and wiggled her toes instead.
Despite being reduced from the last surviving mber of Neuschwein’s royal family to a slave, paradoxically, her life was now better than it had ever been.
"Shall I prepare your al?"
A maid, who had waited patiently by her side, asked with a polite bow.
Ever since Alicia had been branded as "the Duke’s woman," no one in the castle dared to mistreat her.
Even though that man hasn’t so much as lifted a finger against .
Every night, Cabelenus brought her to his chambers—but he never laid a hand on her.
He simply arrived at night and left by morning. That was all.
"You must eat well."
Noticing that Alicia was rely stirring her soup with a spoon, the maid added cautiously.
She was particularly vigilant about Alicia’s als.
Cabelenus had once declared that if Alicia refused to eat, everyone in the castle would be executed.
With the maid watching her anxiously, Alicia reluctantly took a spoonful of soup.
"Please try the other dishes as well. The chef put great effort into preparing them."
The maid explained the intricacies of each dish, hoping to stir Alicia’s appetite, but it was in vain.
The soup, made by the kingdom’s finest chef with the richest ingredients, was the best she had ever tasted.
Yet, she could not bring herself to eat.
If not for the maid’s fearful gaze, she wouldn’t have been able to finish even a single bowl.
"Does nothing suit your taste? If there’s anything you’d like to eat, please let know."
There was sothing she wanted to eat.
Not this rich al, but a thin, watery soup—made with naless weeds and stretched with water to make it last.
The awful soup her mother used to make.
She could eat bowls of that.
But her mother was no longer in this world.
"No. This is enough."
Alicia lowered her head and quietly sipped her soup.
But no matter how much she ate, it wasn’t enough.
The emptiness inside her remained, an unshakable hollowness that food could never fill.
***
As expected, tonight is no different.
Alicia clasped her hands together as she watched Cabelenus enter the room, as he always did.
Honestly, she was afraid.
Though his expression remained impassive, his golden eyes glowed sharply, like those of a beast.
She never knew when he might bare his fangs and tear her apart.
"…I have a question."
If things continued this way, nothing would change.
If she wanted a clean ending—one way or another—sothing had to give.
Alicia stared at the man sitting on the bed, his back to her, and gathered her courage.
Cabelenus remained silent for a mont before turning to her slowly.
"What do you wish to ask?"
Surprisingly, he answered her without hesitation.
"Why won’t you take ?"
"I didn’t know you wanted to."
For a mont, silence filled the room. Even though Cabelenus’s words had been spoken lightly, Alicia’s mouth went dry.
“If that’s not the case, then there’s no reason for you to keep alive.”
“Do I look like I’m lacking in won?”
Cabelenus tilted his head slightly. As he moved, his fine black hair brushed against his smooth forehead, drawing attention to the gleam in his sharp, upturned eyes. He was arrogant, fully aware of his own worth, yet that very arrogance only made him more captivating.
Ironically, the Butcher of Schwarhan, a man whose na was soaked in blood, was strikingly beautiful. The sharp line of his jaw, the powerful muscles in his neck, and the solid fra barely concealed beneath his thin shirt—all of it ford a contrast so stark that anyone who had never seen him in person would never imagine such a face lurking beneath the bloodied black helt of a ruthless killer.
“There’s no other reason for you to keep alive.”
“If that were true, I would have spared one of the other princesses instead. Not so woman who looked more like a servant than royalty.”
Cabelenus rested his chin on his hand, scrutinizing Alicia’s face. Thanks to regular als and care, she no longer looked like a beggar. Yet, to his eyes, there was nothing remotely beautiful about her.
Compared to the most exquisite won of the empire, she was utterly plain—a woman with rust-colored hair and dull gray eyes, lacking any striking features.
“Perhaps it was just a passing whim.”
“……”
“Or maybe… pity.”
Cabelenus tilted his head slightly. His half-lidded eyes remained locked onto Alicia, as if dissecting her, but even now, he had not found his answer.
He was well aware that she was an unremarkable woman.
And yet, her eyes…
For so reason, he couldn’t forget them.
Not the lifeless, resigned eyes she had now, but the ones that had once reflected raw emotions. He wanted to see those eyes again, to confirm sothing within himself. Only then would he be able to understand what he was doing.
“I don’t think you’re the type to pity a fallen princess.”
Alicia always had that sa look in her eyes. A gaze that said she didn’t care whether she lived or died, watching him with the detached indifference of a spectator.
“I could say the sa about you.”
Cabelenus turned fully toward her, a smirk tugging at his lips.
He knew better than anyone that pity did not suit him.
Yet, the fact that he had uttered such a thing—it was almost laughable.
Maybe, deep down, he had been hoping for sothing.
Hoping that one day, she would look at him with the eyes of soone who was truly alive.
“I won’t resist.”
“I don’t make a habit of embracing wooden logs.”
“Then kill .”
Alicia placed a hand over her chest and took a deep breath.
Though she spoke of death so easily, the rapid beat of her heart beneath her palm betrayed the truth—she was still alive.
“And why would I do that?”
“Keeping alive does you no good. It would make more sense to dispose of sothing useless.”
“You talk as if you’re an object.”
“Slaves are objects.”
No matter how well she was treated, Alicia never forgot her place.
An illegitimate daughter of the king.
A fallen princess.
A slave with no known purpose, living on borrowed ti.
Nothing in her life had ever taught her how to hope.
“There were no slaves in Neuschwein, if I recall correctly.”
“There weren’t. But there are in Blanche.”
Her gaze did not waver.
The culture of Blanche had already begun seeping into Neuschwein. In ti, this land would no longer be known as Neuschwein—it would beco Blanche in all but na.
“So if I were to hand you over to an old, cruel man, you’d go without resistance?”
“If that’s what you wish.”
Alicia’s response ca easily, but Cabelenus’s lips twisted in displeasure.
“Why are you so desperate to die?”
“Must I explain that too?”
“You never know. If your story amuses , I might grant you a rciful death. It’s not like you plan to take your own life, is it?”
A flicker of hesitation crossed Alicia’s face.
She didn’t know what Cabelenus was thinking, but the way he spoke of death… it was tempting.
“…I’m tired.”
“Tired?”
“No matter how much you struggle, sotis there’s simply nothing you can do. When that happens over and over, the first thing you learn is how to give up.
You stop trying before you even begin, because you already know it’s hopeless.”
“……”
“And then, one day, you grow tired of even giving up.
That’s all there is to it.”
“If you’re so exhausted, why don’t you just end your life?”
Alicia glanced at him cautiously.
His expression was unreadable, but his golden eyes glead with sothing that wasn’t entirely hidden—curiosity.
Maybe this ti… he’ll actually kill .
She swallowed dryly.
“There’s a superstition in Neuschwein that those who take their own lives can never go to Lubertain.”
“Lubertain?”
“A land where only those who lived righteously can go.
People who perford good deeds, lived honorably, never deceived or hard others. Only the pure and noble are allowed to enter.
But those who take their own lives… they aren’t even allowed to set foot there.”
“You actually believe that?”
“…No.”
Alicia shook her head weakly.
A superstition was nothing more than an old tale passed down through generations.
She had never put faith in such things.
“Then why do you abide by it?”
“…Because there’s soone I have to et.”
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