June 4, 2020
"Are you feeling tired?"
"Sorry. Lately, I keep getting drowsy."
Alicia gave an awkward smile.
"If you're really exhausted, should we end today's lesson here?"
"Is that okay?"
"There's no point in pushing through a lesson if it's not going to improve your skills right away. Days like this are necessary sotis."
Jas looked at Alicia with a gentle gaze.
"I'm sorry, but I think that would be for the best."
After a brief hesitation, Alicia nodded and set down the pen she had been holding. She had wanted to endure it, but the drowsiness that had been creeping up on her lately was becoming increasingly difficult to fight off.
"Today's lesson ended earlier than usual."
Lady Morco, who had been observing from a short distance, approached with keen awareness.
"I'm just a little tired."
"You’ve been feeling drowsy quite often these days."
Lady Morco smiled gracefully and gestured to the maids behind her. They swiftly gathered the art supplies and set up refreshnts on the table.
"Perhaps it’s because you’re starting to relax."
"That just ans you're becoming more accustod to Schwarhan."
Lady Morco placed a prepared tea set in front of Alicia. Now, like any noblewoman, Alicia could properly brew tea for her guests.
"It's lga."
Jas smiled faintly as the subtle scent of tea filled the air.
"You seem to know a lot about tea."
"Traveling here and there, you naturally pick up all sorts of things."
"Now that you ntion it, you did say you've traveled a lot, didn't you?"
"Yes, I’ve been to many places."
"That’s impressive."
Alicia poured the freshly brewed tea into a cup and handed it to Jas. The porcelain teacup, adorned with delicate patterns, was unmistakably of high quality. Jas gazed at the steaming cup for a mont before slowly lifting his head.
As Alicia inhaled the tea’s aroma, her deanor was noticeably different from before. Now, she looked quite the part of a noblewoman.
"If you ever get the chance, you should travel as well, my lady. Every experience you have will beco the foundation of your art."
"Travel, huh…"
"The world is far broader and more diverse than you might think. There’s so much to see. It would surely be beneficial for you."
He spoke casually, yet the more he talked, the faster his words beca. Eventually, Jas stopped himself and took a sip of tea. It wasn’t bitter, but for so reason, it left a dry aftertaste.
"When I read books, I do get curious. I realize just how much I don’t know."
"Is that so?"
"But I like it here."
Alicia interlocked her fingers and lowered her gaze slightly. Jas, feeling sowhat anxious, ran his fingers over the handle of his teacup.
There was only one person in Schwarhan who was unaware that the Princess of Christi was residing in the castle. Even as Cabelenus hosted extravagant parties unfit for Schwarhan, even as rumors spread that the princess would soon beco his fiancée and eventually the mistress of Schwarhan, Alicia knew nothing.
She simply practiced painting Cabelenus’s portrait every day, smiling shyly.
And what gnawed at Jas was that gap—the sa tragic story that played out ti and ti again. A common woman mistaking a nobleman’s amusent for love, offering everything she had in return.
Jas knew that tale better than anyone.
"My lady… are you happy with your current life?"
"Yes. I am."
There was not a single mont of hesitation in her response.
Jas instinctively reached for his neck, and the action naturally drew Alicia’s attention.
"Co to think of it, you always seem to be wearing that necklace."
eting Alicia’s curious gaze, Jas finally regained his senses.
"…It’s a keepsake."
"A keepsake? Oh… I—I’m sorry. If I said sothing out of line, I apologize. You don’t have to tell . I wasn’t trying to pry."
"It’s fine. It’s all in the past."
His fingertips brushed over the soft leather cord. Jas traced it downward and let his hand rest against the faint bulge of the pendant beneath his clothes.
"It must have been soone important to you."
"…"
"I can’t say it’s exactly the sa, but… I’ve lost soone before, too. I know how painful it is."
Alicia forced a small smile, her fingers twitching slightly. Jas’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
She hadn’t changed completely. So of her old habits remained.
And that fact made Jas oddly relieved, despite knowing it wasn’t his place to interfere.
"…It belonged to my sister."
Perhaps that was why he spoke at all—why he brought up sothing unnecessary.
After a brief pause, Jas unclasped the necklace hidden beneath his clothing.
"Your sister?"
"I had an older sister."
Jas murmured calmly as he turned the pendant in his hand. With a small click, it opened, revealing a miniature portrait inside.
"She was beautiful. Truly."
Alicia smiled softly.
Instead of smiling back, Jas took a slow breath.
"She was as beautiful as a flower."
"My lady."
Lady Morco abruptly interjected, her voice urgent.
Jas, however, kept his gaze fixed on Alicia.
Alicia swallowed reflexively. Beneath the table, her hands trembled ever so slightly.
"It would be best if we end today’s lesson here. There’s no need to overdo it."
Lady Morco cast a sharp glance at Jas.
Only then did Jas lower his eyes and conceal the pendant in his palm.
Even as he acknowledged his own rashness, he did not regret it.
Because in the mont those lingering thoughts finally took shape in words, he was certain of sothing.
He could not turn away from Alicia.
She was different from his sister.
She still had a chance.
***
"She was as beautiful as a flower."
Alicia closed her eyes slowly.
She had pretended not to notice because they clearly wanted her to remain unaware, but the truth was—she knew.
"Flower" was a euphemism for a nobleman’s mistress.
Jas thought of her as Cabelenus’s concubine.
Alicia finally covered her face with both hands.
She had expected it, but actually facing the reality of being seen that way made her heart sink.
So this was how others perceived her.
Cabelenus’s hidden lover.
That was all.
Even though it felt like sothing inside her was crumbling, she could do nothing.
Because he wasn’t wrong.
Alicia clenched her hands.
Just recalling that look in his eyes made her chest ache, but it was fine.
She could endure it.
As long as she could remain by Cabelenus’s side, she could endure any humiliation.
"My lady, His Highness will be late tonight. You should dine without him."
"…"
"My lady?"
"Ah, I’m sorry. I was lost in thought. What did you say?"
Alicia quickly composed herself, masking her expression with the refined smile she had practiced so many tis before.
After glancing at her reflection in the mirror countless tis, it had beco second nature.
Now, her smile appeared completely natural.
"His Highness has inford us that he will be late. He has asked that you dine without him, my lady."
"He’s late again today?"
"He is a very busy man, after all."
"That’s true."
Alicia lowered her head, her shoulders sinking slightly. When she had co to Schwarhan, she had assud she would always be by Cabelenus’s side. But he was far busier than she had anticipated, and lately, even more so.
The als they used to share as a matter of course were now more often skipped than not. Days would pass without seeing him at all.
But regardless of how things had changed, all Alicia could do was wait—just as most mistresses did.
Alicia’s shoulders drooped.
"Are you disappointed, my lady?"
"How could I possibly be?"
"It would be understandable if you were."
"I wouldn’t want to say anything unnecessary and distract His Highness."
Alicia shook her head urgently, worried that Lady Morco might report her words to Cabelenus.
Lady Morco, watching her, rely smiled—amused by the display.
"He might actually like it. You wish to see him more, don’t you?"
"I…"
"They say personal and official matters should be kept separate, but young lovers shouldn’t be bound by such strict rules, should they?"
Lady Morco gently stroked Alicia’s shoulder, offering comfort. But Alicia’s slumped shoulders remained as they were.
"I know that the position given to you is a heavy one, my lady. And at your age, it must be even more difficult. But you are not His Highness’s subordinate. You don’t have to be so cautious."
"I am… not his subordinate?"
"You are the only one who can stand beside him as his equal."
"There must be so misunderstanding. I am rely…"
Had she not been told?
Alicia’s lips parted, but she couldn’t finish the sentence.
Schwarhan may not have had an official system of slavery, but surely, they understood the concept.
What would Lady Morco’s face look like when she realized the lady she served was, in fact, nothing more than a slave?
"I told you already. I know everything."
Lady Morco knelt before Alicia.
Alicia swallowed dryly.
"The day you arrived at the castle, His Highness told himself."
That you would beco the mistress of Schwarhan.
Lady Morco’s hand brushed softly over Alicia’s, but Alicia’s focus wavered.
She couldn’t grasp what Lady Morco was saying.
But Lady Morco… she was serious.
"…Did His Highness really say that?"
Alicia’s voice trembled.
Not once had she imagined herself standing proudly by Cabelenus’s side.
She had never dared to hope for sothing so impossible.
Because she was a coward.
She had long since learned that it was better to abandon hope than to set herself up for disappointnt.
That was why this conversation left her completely unmoored.
"Don’t tell … he never said a word to you?"
"…"
"My goodness."
For a man who knew so little about won, he had been doing surprisingly well—or so she had thought.
Lady Morco clicked her tongue.
There was no need to press further.
The way Alicia’s eyes reddened told her everything.
No formal engagent. No promise.
Just a woman sharing a man’s bed.
The implication was obvious.
"His Highness was wrong."
"He did nothing wrong."
"No, my lady, he was wrong. An engagent is not sothing one decides alone. To keep you in the dark about it is unacceptable."
"But…"
"My lady. Look at ."
Lady Morco locked eyes with Alicia.
"The words I speak now are not as your lady-in-waiting. I speak to you as an elder who has seen more of the world and as your teacher."
"…"
"His Highness may want to take you as his wife, but that is his wish. What about yours?"
"But I…"
"There are no slaves in Schwarhan."
Lady Morco smiled knowingly, as if she understood everything.
Alicia’s breath hitched, her lips pressing together in nervous apprehension.
Lady Morco was watching her closely.
"I will ask you again. My lady, do you truly wish to marry His Highness? Is that what you want?"
Lady Morco’s voice was gentle, yet her gaze held unwavering persistence.
Alicia fidgeted with her fingers for a long mont before finally parting her lips.
"Of course… I want to stay by his side. But…"
Could she?
Alicia’s expression twisted.
She knew it wasn’t such a simple matter.
"What is it that you’re so afraid of?"
"…That I might ruin him."
"Is that all?"
Alicia could not speak.
She simply nodded.
Her throat was too tight to let out another word.
"If that’s your only concern, then I’m relieved."
The order was wrong, which worried her, but at least their feelings weren’t misaligned.
Lady Morco sighed in quiet relief as she gently wiped away the moisture gathering at the corners of Alicia’s eyes.
A delicate and timid young woman—completely unsuited for Schwarhan.
At first, Lady Morco had been worried about whether she could survive in this place at all.
Yet, at the sa ti, she had been curious.
Despite her fragility, there were monts when her eyes shone with defiance.
If properly nurtured, she might even develop the gaze of a true predator.
"I know what troubles you, my lady. His Highness is a man of great stature, and standing beside him carries weight. But let tell you this—when I say I will do sothing, I see it through."
Lady Morco lifted Alicia’s hand as though she were holding sothing precious.
Her smile was full of unwavering confidence.
"Supporting you is my role. All you need to do is focus on what you want. That is how it has always been for the warriors of Schwarhan, and the mistress of Schwarhan is no exception."
"I’m not a warrior."
"One does not need a weapon to be a warrior. Anyone who fights for what they desire is one."
"…Do you really think I can do it?"
Alicia’s gaze wavered with uncertainty.
"That depends entirely on what you decide to do. You haven’t taken any steps yet, my lady."
Try. Just once. Whatever it may be.
Lady Morco’s lips curled into a knowing smile.
Alicia had never once disappointed her.
Even when given difficult tasks, she had always completed them in the end.
Not because she was so exceptional genius.
No, Alicia was no different from anyone else—if anything, she was inexperienced.
But what set her apart was her tenacity.
She could copy the sa text dozens of tis, over and over, until it beca a part of her.
And Lady Morco liked that about her.
Because people with that kind of resolve…
Were the ones who knew how to hold onto what was truly theirs.
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