(Amaia)
"You didn’t take her life, Dread Army did," I quietly answer him.
The way he said he couldn’t love her as she deserved truly hit hard.
She had only him and here I was at tis complaining about my mates when they overwheld . Her death has shown how quickly a life can be cut short.
Alnilam slowly turns and the pain I witness on his face drowns into waters of despair.
I am not sure how he is standing, it has to be his sheer willpower because Alnilam appears completely broken.
"But I killed her emotionally. You know she returned the ring the mont she found out you are my mate." Alnilam struggles to even speak the words. Using his hand he wipes away the rainwater from his face.
"And yet I didn’t want to accept it. I fought with her. I insisted on continuing the relationship, not because I was madly in love with her." He shakes his head. "Only because it was convenient. She was easy, ca with benefits and no other mates. I destroyed her life, Amaia." My hand reaches out to touch his pained face. Miseries are nad there for to witness.
"I kept her trapped under an illusion until it took her life."
My grip on his face tightens, the pain prickles in my heart and tears uncontrollably leak from my eyes, mingling with rainwater.
"That illusion of love, that illusion of perfection she had of , kept her by my side. I should have let her go when she asked, set her free and yet my selfishness." He bangs a fisted hand on his chest and pain radiates in mine. "My selfishness killed her and I abhor myself for it. I will never forgive myself for what I did nor will I ever destroy another life."
I have never felt this helpless in my life. He is hurting, blaming himself and yet there is nothing I can do other than assurances but that’s the thing with Alnilam’s stubbornness, he doesn’t listen.
He is also making it clear to that he will never accept . I know he is traumatised and his emotions are all over the place because of Jamina’s loss, but that doesn’t make it easy or hurt less.
"You did the best you could, and always put others above you. You protected , made everyone take a Blood Oath and you also cared for Jamina. Don’t let negative thoughts consu you." Sliding my hands down, I hold both his forearms and squeeze.
The rain pelts down hard, the petrichor mingles with Alnilam’s scent
"These are not my ramblings. These are the truths about . I am selfish, I am harsh and at tis I can be plain ruthless just to get my way with people. I am not like my brothers, I have already hurt you. I don’t want to do it anymore."
My lips quiver at his words. Why did he think so low of himself?
"We all co with faults, that’s what makes us part human, we can’t be perfect. I am not perfect even. Look how many mistakes I make." I try to lean in and hug him. Our hearts are so pained, so frustrated so very agonised—his more than mine.
But Alnilam takes a step back, severing the connection between us. A shudder of despair weaves through . My hands remain stretched out and a sob leaves at his action.
"No, stay away from , Amaia. I can’t..."
Soone’s strong arms co around and I let my arms drop.
"I am here. It’s going to be fine," Rigel whispers into my ear.
Bending down he places a black rose on Jamina’s grave and I hear him offer a prayer followed by his soft whisper, "Rest in peace, you were a shining light."
Rigel wasn’t here for the funeral, he stayed away most probably lurking in the shadows and now that everyone has left, he must have seen us.
He straightens and cos to stand in front of , blocking Alnilam. His thumbs rub the water from my face and he slowly pushes away the wet strands which cling to my skin.
"Co I will take you back. You are drenched and will get sick."
I drink up the building sobs in my chest.
"Alnilam...I want to stay with him," I painfully whisper.
The bond that lies in my heart is like a ghost of ’us’. Utterly broken, aching, burning, consuming like an eternal fire, punishing us for cris we haven’t even committed.
"Give him ti if you truly want him. The grief and guilt will lead to devastating decisions with rippling consequences." Slowly bringing closer Rigel hugs . His hard body lets find a shard of solace in his embrace.
"Take her away. She will get sick," Alnilam’s anguished voice makes let out a sob in Rigel’s chest.
He places a small kiss on the top of my head and his arms shackle to himself.
Soon we are flying through the cold air and blinding rain. His arms keep secured while my eyes remain closed.
I lose the perception of ti. My eyes only open when Rigel lands inside my room and takes straight to my wash area. Opening the tap of hot water, he sheds my wet and clinging clothes and makes stand underneath it.
Continually, I shiver while Rigel quietly washes , letting my cold skin return to normal. He doesn’t lecture , doesn’t say much, he just bathes and dries . And I am thankful to him.
Dressing up in my night attire, Rigel tucks into my bed.
"I still have your clothes in my cupboard, change into that," I tell Rigel. He nods and grabs them.
After changing, Rigel slips into the bed with , pulling into him. His shadows leech over from him and cover like a second skin, trying to keep warm.
I snuggle into his chest, trying to ignore the incessant pain in my heart.
"It will pass Amaia. And no matter what happens, I will be there for you," he tries to assuage my fears.
"I wish the sa. Thank you for always being here for ."
Softly I cry into his chest while he holds , letting vent, until I fall asleep in his arms.
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