(Mintaka)
I have stayed stronger in front of my brother but when we settle in the carriage with her in my arms, I completely break down.
The reality is so bleak. No matter how much I try to believe she is gone.
First Kayla and now her. The pain, the desperation, the agony are indescribable.
My chest aches so vigorously as I stare at her.
She appears so serene as if she had already found peace. But the weight of her body in my arms feels so heavy. My arms and knees shake and Alnitak’s support keeps going or I would have slumped to the ground.
The tears flow nonstop from my eyes.
The last two weeks had been devastating for her. Finding out that Amaia is Alnilam’s mate, broke her emotionally.
I had been speaking with her, trying to spend ti with her.
And now she is gone.
I am unable to accept the truth even when I am the one who carried her to her parents.
I don’t know how I did it.
Mr and Mrs Astride break down seeing their daughter return like that.
I don’t have enough words to comfort them. Helplessly, I console them as they hold her and we cry together.
"I am sorry..." I embrace them both. They desperately embrace , their pain and agony make my heart tremble.
"...She was always... so brave, so helpful, so lively and now she will never smile again," her mother lants, making my chest heavy with guilt and regrets.
She was always there for but I couldn’t be there for her.
"Yes, she was..."
"We should prepare for her funeral since she was our only child," her father sniffles.
He felt obliged to do that.
"No, Alnitak and I will perform those duties," I assure them, giving both of them another hug.
***
Mama has arranged for the funeral preparation to be held in the palace cetery so I let Mama’s special female guards take Jamina’s body for preparation.
Numb and disoriented, Alnitak and I help with her funeral preparation.
In Orion, siblings play the main role in funeral preparation. Since Jamina didn’t have any siblings we took that role.
The grey shroud they brought for her annoyed . She hated dull colours, especially grey and I wasn’t going to let her be buried in one.
"We will be using a pink silken cloth for her, not the usual grey," I inform them, hating the grey cloth they have arranged.
They pass confused looks.
"Do as you have been told," Alnitak sternly says and they bow their heads and rush.
"Have you seen Alnilam?" I ask my brother as we walk out of the room where they are going to bathe and prepare Jamina’s body for the final rituals.
"He is in his room. Mama is with him." We cross the corridors and arrive outside in the palace cetery.
"And Amaia?" I ask about my mate. I have been spending all my ti with Jamina’s parents so I haven’t checked up on her. I know she is devastated too, especially with how Alnilam is acting. As thoughtful as she is, Amaia is giving us ti and space to properly grieve.
"She is with Ezran. Although I hate to say this, I think he is the best option at the mont. Emotionally, he is the most stable in this situation." Stifly I nod at Alnitak’s words.
We enter the cetery grounds and check the arrangents. The chairs are laid out covered with grey cloth. The grave is being dug and my heart shivers seeing it.
Life is so short, so unpredictable.
She had promised to be the coolest aunt to my kids and now she left .
This is going to be one of the most difficult days of my life.
With a heavy heart and wet eyes, I begin giving instructions to our helpers.
***
It’s a sea of grey. All of us wear robes of this dull colour for Jamina’s funeral. Grey is the colour we associate with and choose for death.
It’s the hue of the back of the mirror which doesn’t show your reflection. It’s the shade of the gravestone and it’s the colour of the coins which are placed on the eyes of the dead.
It’s the pallor of death.
Even the skies are overcast, the greyish black clouds rest low and angry, ready to burst down their loads. Nature seems furious because we lost the gentlest soul among us.
Family, friends, colleagues, our badgemates, everyone has gathered in our family cetery. We have arranged a purple casket for her; she will be buried with the colours she loved.
Alnilam has asked for a trail of pink rose petals to be laid from the cetery door to her burial place. The pink rose was Jamina’s favourite.
Alnilam walks out and his eyes are swollen while the whites inside them are blood red. I have never seen him this haggard before.
Her death has broken him, and I wonder if Amaia and we can fix him.
"Hey!" I give him a hug and he just sniffles.
Saiph joins us brothers. The four of us pick up her casket. Alnilam and I are in front while Alnitak and Saiph are in the rear.
We begin to move on the trail of pink petals. Every head turns to watch us. I observe a grim-looking Kacir, holding onto a crying Rahria and with them stands Amaia—tears flood her eyes.
She sniffles but gives a nod, holding a wreath created from leaves and pink roses. Her grieved eyes stray towards Alnilam and I feel the pinch in my heart.
It baffles and, at the sa ti, amazes how connected all six of us have beco.
This loss has also taught that life is too short and unpredictable, none of us knows how long we have. So I am not going to spend it fighting or controlling anyone. We have been blessed with a mate. Jamina never had that luxury, which ans we need to do better for her.
Forget all grievances we hold for each other, forget who holds what status because we don’t know when one of us will be gone too.
Sniffles and soft cries follow us all the way to the casket stand. It seems like the whole world has gathered to mourn her passing.
We let it rest on the stand and take a step back. Alnilam doesn’t, he stays there.
The stand has four erected poles with small chimneys to be lit up.
In the front are Mr and Mrs Astride, holding onto each other and softly crying.
My father and Mama stand on one side, ready to begin the rituals. Father holds the torch, the fire flutters backwards because of the intense winds. He touches the chimneys one by one and lights up the poles. As the sovereign of the state, he has begun the burial rituals.
Mama follows my father. Stepping forward, she lets Alnilam pick up the casket lid. Her hand cos to rest on Jamina’s forehead, to place the coin of Orion in the centre as per our traditions.
"Rest in peace, Jamina. May your journey ahead be eased. An."
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