507 A Nightmarish Night
Selma Payne’s POV:
Being lectured by a child who looked only two years old was a rather comical scene. However, I couldn’t smile because I knew Cynthia was right.
I’d beco weak, and I’d beco more indecisive as ti went by.
Cynthia calmly looked at . Her almond-shaped eyes didn’t carry any of the innocence of a child. Instead, she was so rational that even I found it hard to look at her directly.
She said, “I understand your concern for , but Mother, the probability of this happening is even lower than if I were to buy a lottery ticket and win the first prize. To prevent that one in ten thousand chance of an accident, will you give up the remaining nine thousand nine hundred and ninety percent chance of survival?
“To be honest, Father – General Aldrich is just a stranger to without any blood relations. All my love and worry for him cos from you. Your influence on is already so deeply rooted. As for yourself, how deep must your ardent longing for Father be? At the last mont, you retracted yourself into your turtle shell. Are you afraid of failure? Or are you already used to the current situation and would rather guard a breathing dead person for the one in ten thousand chance of an accident than gamble on a good outco with a large possibility of success?
“That’s why I think you’ve changed, Mother. You were so decisive and brave when you fought against Azazel. Perhaps because you’ve taken too many lives, this has beco your nightmare at night, constantly eating away at your willpower. But are you going to be defeated by them like this? Step back bit by bit, slowly forget your original decisive self, let the ghosts expand in your world without limit, and let yourself be buried with them in the future?”
Unknowingly, my face was already covered in tears.
How could I not know that Cynthia was right? I once thought I could return to my powerful self after I fused with Madeline, but I was wrong. The power only made my armor stronger, but my heart was still as fragile as a piece of tofu. It trembled and shivered under the protection of the layers of armor. No one needed to hurt it before it slowly cracked and shattered into a pile of sticky debris.
I knew this wasn’t right, just like how people with ntal illness know they were sick. However, no dicine could cure . No dicine could drive away the vengeful spirit in my heart.
Their deaths weren’t my fault. I understood this, but I couldn’t get rid of this darkness. I was like a rabbit in a swamp, struggling on my deathbed, only to sink deeper and deeper.
Such a gentle and lodramatic ntality made sick, so I hated myself even more, making my obsession deeper and deeper.
I tried to correct myself. I drowned myself with endless work, diverted my attention by fighting against the Evaria Family, and healed my heart that was riddled with holes with the innocent smiles of children.
However, there would still be a silent midnight when I couldn’t find any driftwood to climb on. I would drift alone and fearfully in the vast ocean of my dreams, watching as the water drowned frightened faces.
Then, the furious undead congealed into a thick rope and wrapped itself around my body, making unable to move at all. It then dragged into the cold, dark abyss.
This was sothing that had never happened before. This was just my fantasy.
This was my lingering fear, sothing that could have happened in another tiline. It passed through the barriers of ti and space, punishing by making pay the price for in another ti and space.
I’d asked for help, but neither my parents nor Miss Marcy could help . I couldn’t collapse just like that, so I forced a smile and did everything possible to pretend I had completely walked out of it.
But only I knew I was gradually rotting, like a weed soaked in flood.
I thought that I could continue living like this, but Cynthia ca. She was the creation of my flesh and power. She was connected to my heart. She knew everything about , just like how I knew her.
I had nowhere to hide in front of her.
I suddenly wanted to escape from Cynthia. Why did she expose everything? My pretense and false peace crumbled at this mont.
I couldn’t run away anymore. I couldn’t pretend to be the little girl who jumped into the river to commit suicide. I no longer had that right. Whether I wanted to or not, countless factors pushed forward. Whether I wanted to or not, there were so things I must do.
“I pretended that everything was fine, everything... Whether it was my heart that was riddled with holes or Aldrich’s life that was so close to the edge of the cliff.
“I...”
I wanted to say sothing, but I couldn’t.
Defend?
Escape?
Now that things had co to this, what choice did I have left?
I didn’t want to think about it. This highlighted a fact: I had undoubtedly beco weak, and I even tried to numb myself by avoiding the truth.
I had no other choice.
“... Alright, alright, this mont would co anyway. I know...”
I mumbled to myself. After a long while, I t Cynthia’s silent gaze.
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