Tsk! I was this close to unprecedented power—to winning over won—and this slab of divine sexiness was standing in my way.
'Whatever!'
I looked back at the system board...
I willed it to change in so peculiar ways—and, surprisingly, it did.
It actually showed its insides.
Seraphina flinched.
Bingo.
That ant I was doing sothing right—or sothing very, very wrong. But I didn't care.
Inside the system board, strange characters were arranged in a sophisticated order. I didn't understand a thing.
But it wasn't so different from the way code worked back on Earth.
So, naturally, I ssed with it.
I twisted the structure, re-ordered so things—not that I understood what I was doing—but then...
Two Ultra skills beca mine.
"WAIT, MASTER!" Seraphina shrieked, yanking into her chest like she was shielding from a nuclear blast. "Fine! I'll help you! Just stop whatever you're doing. If you break the system further, the gods will send legions of celestials to end you—and this city along with you!"
"You say so pretty scary things so casually, huh? And aren't the gods too extre?!" I trembled a little. "But now you understand—help out!"
Seraphina begrudgingly agreed.
But she warned there would be sacrifices.
"Hmmm... would my mories from Earth do?"
I just said it casually. Of course, I'd never throw away my mories of Mom—those years of poverty and struggle we shared—or my childhood with Alice.
But Seraphina took it way too seriously.
She grabbed my arms, her smile evaporated. "Don't you ever casually offer your mories, Master!!"
I'm seriously confused who the master is right now, though!
"mories are the essence of your soul! Of your being! Lose them, and you lose yourself!"
"Calm down, Sera!" I winced as she started breathing heavily, eyes wide like a demon-possessed psychologist. "I was just kidding. I only wanted to know if mories were that important to a soul."
"Oh, is that so? Then there's no problem."
...So fast?! She changes gears so fast!
Since I told her I was okay sacrificing anything except mories, she let have 3 Ultra Skills and 3 Extra Skills.
There was also sothing called "System Skills," which were basically the default guardian kit—stuff like ntal Communication, System Board, System Override, and a few other things baked into my new existence.
But I had no "Ordinary Skill."
I sacrificed that one to squeeze in more Ultra Skills. I also gave up one Extra Skill. And apparently... a bunch of other things.
Like my lifespan.
"Are you sure, Master?" Sera had asked, seriously for once. "To attain multiple Ultra Skills, your life may be cut in half. Or worse."
"In the other world," I said, "I never really lived, you know. I just existed there. I hated that. This ti, I'll live. I'll do as I please, and have fun to the fullest. I don't care if I die young anymore... Actually, I kind of care a little, so you have to hold back, okay?!"
As a result, I now had an estimated death age of around 40.
Hehehe.
Plenty of ti to truly toss my virginity into a volcano and dance on its ashes!
And bonus: it was three years longer than my lifespan in my last life!
"...You think I'm an idiot, right?"
"Oh, Master. I've always known you were a big fool. But I don't mind."
Please mind a bit!!
"Sigh... Is that everything you sacrificed for my Ultra Skills?" I asked Seraphina, struggling to climb the towering bed.
"No," she said cheerfully, scooping up like I weighed nothing. "I sacrificed one more thing."
"And what is it?" I grunted, already dreading the answer.
It couldn't be worse than lifespan... right?
"It's your Romance Luck Percentage."
"What the hell is a Romance Luck Percentage?"
My heart skipped, then started pounding.
"My, Master," Seraphina said sweetly, "a Romance Luck Percentage is the amount of luck you'll have with romantic interests."
And that was what she sacrificed? I don't think I understand what she's saying.
"Wait, wait, wait! Drop on the bed—I feel kind of dizzy. Are you telling you sacrificed my romantic life for re Ultra Skills? Don't you think that's a huge price to pay? Or... ah, are you ssing with right now?"
"I'm not lying. I sacrificed 99% of your Rom—"
"Please shut up! If I keep listening, I'll cry."
"But, Master! You now have three Ultra Skills! No one in the long history of Guardian candidates or Guardians has ever—"
"Are you MAD?! We may as well end the story right here! The whole point of this Hero Journey is to hunt down babes! How am I supposed to do that with 1% freaking luck?!"
Seraphina giggled, hugging her chest proudly. "Aren't you forgetting sothing?"
"What am I forgetting?"
"...Hehehe. Jeez, you retarded Master. You have , rember?"
Who the hell are you?!
I facepald.
I knew it. She definitely set up. From the start.
Now these Ultra Skills felt... empty.
"Do you know what you've done, you hussy?! You've completely ruined my story! I'm literally not the MC anymore! Apologiz—"
"A...lex...?"
"...?!"
Oh... Shit...
Oh. Shit.
Oh.
Shit.
Standing on my two tiny legs.
Talking.
Pointing at a sexy strange woman in the room.
At the age of one.
Yeah. My new hot mother just walked in on .
I think I ssed up.
I definitely ssed up.
Suddenly crawling away and yelling "goo-goo gaa-gaa" won't cut it now, will it?
"Alex... who's this girl?"
Mom's face unexpectedly lit up with a grin that could crack glass.
"Jeez! I can't believe you didn't even wait till twelve—you're already a womanizer!"
"Twelve is still too young to womanize!!"
She giggled like this was a romantic cody.
"Gosh, were you two having a lover's quarrel? Ah, did my son's tiny tusk fail to please you, pretty lady?"
"OHHHH MY GOD, MOM, SHUT UP!!" I nearly threw myself off the bed in protest. "Shouldn't you be worried about other things?! Like your one-year-old baby using big word?!"
"Oh, that's no cause for alarm at all." She waved it off like I just said I didn't want broccoli. "Now let make sothing for our lovely guest here."
"Wait—Mom! What are you wearing?!"
But she was already sauntering out, apron flapping gently behind her.
No clothes.
Nothing under that damn apron but bare ass!
Was my dad a pervert or sothing? Did he make her do this?!
I turned to glare at Seraphina.
"...And you! Can you stop smiling already?!"
"Your mother already approved of . Let's just go with the flow."
"No! No, no, no! You're ssed up in the head—way worse than ! And my new mother is unmistakably, absolutely unhinged!! DAMN IT! What kind of reincarnation is this?!"
As I shoved Sera's smug, smooch-y face away from mine, all I could do was sit there on the bed, defeated—trying to comprehend the hellish circus I'd been dropped into.
The lunatics I'd et. The twisted situations I'd be dragged through. All for three Ultra Skills.
But then...
A glimr of hope.
1% isn't zero...
1% ISN'T ZERO!!!
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