He said no, earnestly.
Yet Bian Shu didn’t believe it.
Her expression slightly angry, she gritted her teeth and said, "Do you like Jiang Yao that much? Ji Anshen, Jiang Yao is not suitable for you, she doesn’t understand anything, but I do understand you."
His smile faded a bit, following her words quietly, "What do you understand about ?"
"I understand your heart is cold and indifferent, you appear gentle, I understand your selfishness, I understand you deliberately distancing yourself from , finding annoying."
While she spoke, she straddled his lap.
Thus his heart skipped a beat effortlessly, he looked helplessly at the woman in his arms, sighed lightly, and said, "Miss Bian Shu, if you think I’m so unbearable, why bother provoking ?"
Bian Shu smiled, she leaned close to his ear, lifted her arm, and wrapped it around his neck, saying, "Because I’m no better, we are a perfect match."
Bian Shu was crazier than he imagined.
She laughed so flirtatiously at him, and under his astonished gaze, she kissed his lips.
Her kiss from above felt more like a malign acquisition.
Her lips were soft, her body exuded a strange fragrance, weakening one’s resolve. Before letting him go, she even maliciously bit his lip, saying, "Ji Anshen, you are mine now."
He looked at her, thankful she wasn’t that smart, so she didn’t see the infatuation in his eyes.
He was obsessed with Bian Shu.
He had always been clear about that.
Later on, a few days after Bian Shu’s birthday as winter descended.
She changed into a lace-trim chemise nightgown, her well-developed youthful body wrapped in delicate fabric, exquisitely pale and clean at the chest area.
She acted as if she was a senseless person, wearing nightgowns daily, makeup glamorous, walking back and forth in front of him.
He guessed Bian Shu’s intention, but didn’t point it out.
He still couldn’t help himself, indulging her.
At night, Bian Shu asked him to drink wine.
Holding the drink, she seriously said, "I’m of age now, I can drink."
He watched her helplessly, saying, "Xiao Shu, you don’t need to use these tactics on ."
"What do you an?" Bian Shu, annoyed, put down the red wine, "Ji Anshen, do you think I have no way to deal with you? Is it a burden to be with ? Why don’t you like ?"
"Xiao Shu, you are not an ordinary woman, you are Miss Bian, you..."
"Don’t you think I can find any man I want in the future, why should I waste ti on you? Is that what you wanted to say?" Bian Shu cut him off, she walked up to him, lifted his chin, as proud and stubborn as ever, and said, "Since I am worthy of any man, why can’t you like ?"
What Bian Shu needed was tangible, complete, definite love.
He couldn’t give it to her.
So, for the first ti, he pushed her away so firmly, went to the fridge, got so fruits, and said, "Xiao Shu, I’ll make you so juice, you shouldn’t drink; go to sleep early."
That night, he woke up from a dream, Bian Shu was on top of him.
Her breath reeked of alcohol, wafting over his face, laced with drunken desolation.
"Xiao Shu..."
He only managed to call her na before she silenced him with her finger on his lips.
She said, "Ji Anshen, you pushed away so hard today, it hurt."
"I didn’t push hard." He was chaotic with worry, anxious to check for injuries that didn’t even exist, "Xiao Shu, let see, are you hurt?"
"Where do you want to check?"
He finally realized Bian Shu was playing him.
He tried to get up, "I’ll leave, you can stay here."
"The door is locked, where can you go?" Bian Shu rudely pushed him back to the bed and said, "Is sleeping with such a burden?"
"You’re insane...."
"Yes, I am insane," she said, laughing.
She didn’t give him a chance to refuse; her hands easily ignited fires on his body.
He thought, Bian Shu was right, she always gets what she wants.
Especially soone as trivial as himself.
Bian Shu was the superior looking down, while he, a subordinate, couldn’t foster any thoughts of pride from indulgence.
He also wasn’t as restrained as he thought.
In his arms was the woman who had stirred his heart for a long ti.
His heart was in utter disarray.
That night, he exhausted all thods possible to [please and] delight her, and in the end made sure to withdraw in ti.
But Bian Shu held him tight, her nails embedding in his back, her voice so calm and hoarse, she said, "Ji Anshen, don’t you want a child?"
She was truly mad to the bone.
Ji Anshen, with his last bit of rationality, freed his hands from hers and said, "Xiao Shu, your life shouldn’t stop here."
Later, they had many more intimate encounters; each ti he would take dication beforehand.
Bian Shu really wanted a child, Bian Shu didn’t understand, but he knew what it ant for Bian Shu.
Her life shouldn’t be this way. Bian Shu shouldn’t be spending her life in this house with him.
Yet, he had to admit he was indulged in the delights she offered; he was nearly obsessed with her.
How could he not love her.
In so many monts, his love nearly drove him insane, yet he would tell her in the most rational voice, he was not a good man.
Bian Shu had the letter in her hands, reaching the last page, she cried uncontrollably, seeing Ji Anshen write at the end, "Xiao Shu, you always say I don’t like you, but what should I use to like you? The gap between us cannot be bridged by my efforts alone, you simply don’t belong in my world."
"This love, it’s too ager and insubstantial. I admit I’m selfish, allowing you to command to stay, then pretending to comply. But truly I never wanted to leave, this ti with you felt more like a dream. But as all dreams must end, I should return you to where you belong. Xiao Shu, move forward, don’t look back, and don’t look for , I hope you can return to the Bian Family, to do what you wish."
"The conflict between and the Li Family deepens each day, with no hope of redemption. I need to pay the price for my actions, I saw this day coming, Xiao Shu, I have no regrets, one should strive for what they believe is worth it, my only regret is that I never got to tell you in person, that I truly love you."
The date of writing was blurred in Bian Shu’s tears.
She clutched the letter to her chest, collapsed onto the dusty ground, and cried out loud...
She had always thought it was just her one-sided affection.
But now she realized, Ji Anshen did love her.
How could he not? The details of his love were so clear, she had felt them, yet she pretended to be clueless, stubbornly wanting him to say it himself.
She was the selfish one....
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