Chapter 108: Reason
But Luo Qingyu’s fingertips didn’t exert any force.
“So cold,” Jiang Huai muttered softly.
Luo Qingyu snapped back to reality, and in the next instant, all the cold energy retreated back into her body. The chill in her eyes lted away, but soon her eyes misted over, and tears began to swirl.
“Did Qingyu do sothing to displease Jiang Huai brother?”
“No, I’ve always liked Qingyu.”
“Then why… after knowing Jiang Huai brother for four years, you’ve never kissed Qingyu, but you’ve already kissed Wen Wanwan after knowing her for such a short ti? Is it because you like her more than Qingyu?”
“It was my mistake that day because I drank too much.”
“I’m not asking Jiang Huai brother to admit fault, Qingyu just wants an answer, is she more likable to Jiang Huai brother than Qingyu?”
“No, I’ve always liked Qingyu.”
“Then why could you kiss her before but not Qingyu?”
“Didn’t I kiss Qingyu already?”
“Why did she get to be first?”
Luo Qingyu’s tears slid down her cheeks, and Jiang Huai didn’t know how to explain.
How could he explain?
Because he had always harbored the illusion that the marriage might be canceled, so he never did anything to Luo Qingyu. So things, once done, require responsibility; if not done, there’s no need.
If the marriage was called off, he could still treat Luo Qingyu as a dear sister.
But then he realized he had fallen for Luo Qingyu, and there was no need to cancel the marriage, so he let go. But indeed, he had kissed Wen Wanwan first, and now he seed to be in a position where he couldn’t clear his na no matter what.
“Will Jiang Huai brother dual cultivate with her first? Before Qingyu?” Luo Qingyu’s voice began to tremble, and Jiang Huai could only shake his head.
“No.”
“But what if you drink too much again and it happens by accident… What then? Qingyu ca first, but it seems like she’s always ahead of Qingyu…”
Jiang Huai fell silent for a while.
It seed he now had a way to solve the problem. If he dual cultivate with Luo Qingyu first, maybe she wouldn’t feel wronged anymore?
Maybe that would cheer her up?
“Really, it won’t happen,” Jiang Huai tried to struggle once more.
“Then why doesn’t Jiang Huai brother want Qingyu’s body? Is it because…”
“Because… we’re not married yet.”
Jiang Huai didn’t know whether to speak up because deep down… did he still covet his fairy-like master Chu Xianning?
Did Luo Qingyu know?
Maybe she did, and maybe she was just waiting for him to say it himself. He had been dodging the question for a long ti, and Luo Qingyu had played along, but now that she had asked, he didn’t know how to respond.
“But we’re getting married soon… Jiang Huai brother’s hesitation… is it because you might not want to marry Qingyu in the future?”
“How could that be?”
“Then since we’re definitely getting married, why does Jiang Huai brother hesitate… is it because you’re actually not interested in Qingyu’s body… you don’t really want to marry Qingyu… that’s why you’re always hesitant?”
“I told you, that’s not it.”
“Jiang Huai brother is lying,” Luo Qingyu turned her face away.
“I’m not lying.”
“Then Jiang Huai brother… show now…”
Luo Qingyu’s lips pouted slightly, “Qingyu will definitely belong to Jiang Huai brother in the future, but you always refuse … I’m always so scared…”
Jiang Huai felt an inexplicable weariness.
A hint of helplessness appeared in his eyes.
“We’re getting married at the end of the year. There’s only one last year left… why rush now?”
“Because Qingyu is scared…”
Jiang Huai’s shoulders grew heavier as he looked at the tears on Luo Qingyu’s cheeks, feeling a sudden, inexplicable frustration. But after all, it seed to be his own fault, and he couldn’t even retort.
Tears are a woman’s sharpest weapon; he had been pierced through all defenses.
Jiang Huai closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Luo Qingyu.”
Jiang Huai reached out, gently wiping away the tear stains on her cheeks.
“Did you co up with this on your own, or did your mother teach you?”
“Eh…?”
Luo Qingyu was startled, a flicker of unease in her eyes.
“I don’t an to bla you.”
Jiang Huai wiped away her tears, “Did you ask earlier if I don’t like you?”
Luo Qingyu’s unease grew stronger at that mont, her throat tightening, and she was suddenly afraid to answer Jiang Huai.
“I’ve never dual cultivated with Qingyu for many reasons. Before, it was because Qingyu was too young. In my heart, I always thought dual cultivation should be for those at least eighteen years old, and Qingyu has just turned eighteen, so I thought there was no rush. I never kissed Qingyu before because I thought she was too young. When Qingyu was a little girl and t , maybe she liked being around because I seed capable, depending on .”
“But Qingyu was still a child, and how could a child already have the ability to discern whether a man in front of her could accompany her for life? So I wanted to wait for Qingyu to grow up. I occasionally had little wicked thoughts, wanting to coax Qingyu into kisses and hugs and all sorts of bad things, but I thought I shouldn’t do that because Luo Qingyu at that ti couldn’t discern many things in this world. When she grew up and could still tell if she really liked , it would be great for because Qingyu has never been anything but beautiful, cute, and obedient.”
“I’ve always believed that marriage should be decided by oneself, not by elders. So I was waiting for Qingyu to grow up. When Qingyu was still willing to marry after growing up, I had no objections to our marriage.”
“When my cultivation was abolished so ti ago, your mother ca to call off the marriage. When she sent you to Qingxuan Sect, you asked if I would still marry you. I said I would because I want to marry you. I think marrying Qingyu would be a very happy thing.”
“But I do have many faults, like being greedy and lustful. I have indeed kissed Junior Sister Wanwan, and not just once. I never intended to keep it from Qingyu; I was always going to tell you sooner or later. It’s just that I haven’t found the right mont since I ca back. But now Qingyu knows, so there’s no need for to bring it up again.”
“But I have never said I don’t like you, nor have I ever said I don’t want to marry you…”
Jiang Huai looked down into Luo Qingyu’s eyes, “I know Qingyu is not at fault… It’s precisely because Qingyu likes that she worries, that she’s afraid, afraid that I’ll get involved with other won, afraid that one day my feelings will change. I don’t bla Qingyu, but I can’t explain this matter to you either, because it’s a fact that Qingyu has seen.”
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed another woman while I was engaged to Qingyu. I have wronged Qingyu; I am guilty.”
Luo Qingyu’s unease grew stronger. She was listening to Jiang Huai apologizing, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was about to reveal sothing terrible. Her anxiety made her heartbeat race. She gently grasped Jiang Huai’s arm.
“Qingyu doesn’t bla Brother Jiang Huai… Please don’t say anymore… Qingyu isn’t angry… and doesn’t bla you… it’s just fear…”
“Let finish,” Jiang Huai sighed softly.
“It’s my fault from the beginning, harboring ill intentions, which is why Qingyu has been living in fear. Being ambiguous with other won while engaged to Qingyu is my fault. If Qingyu wishes, she can call off our engagent at any ti.”
“Don’t!” Luo Qingyu nearly shouted out loud.
“What if I continue to be ambiguous with other won? Perhaps this marriage was a mistake from the start. When this marriage was arranged, my heart was always thinking of another woman, always wavering, always unfaithful. This is unfair to Qingyu. It’s precisely because of this that Qingyu feels insecure and scared. So… maybe it’s better to reconsider this marriage… I’m not a faithful person, I can’t be devoted to Qingyu alone, I’ll only make Qingyu sad.”
“Don’t…”
Luo Qingyu’s tears fell in an instant as she moved closer and hugged Jiang Huai tightly, “Don’t… Brother Jiang Huai… don’t… you can’t abandon … Brother Jiang Huai promised to marry Qingyu… don’t…”
Jiang Huai fell silent, at a loss for words.
Hearing the girl’s sobs in his arms, his heart ached inexplicably, as if years of repression suddenly exploded. He always felt guilty towards Luo Qingyu because he had been thinking of Chu Xianning while engaged to Luo Qingyu, unfaithful from the start. He tried to be a gentleman, so he never touched Luo Qingyu, thinking there might be a chance to cancel the engagent and that there might be a turnaround. But as he spent more ti with Luo Qingyu, he began to fantasize about the marriage, his mind wavering on whether to give up Chu Xianning and stop the aningless fantasies… But this indecision still caused unease.
“Don’t… Brother Jiang Huai can’t abandon Qingyu… Qingyu won’t say it anymore… don’t leave Qingyu alone… Qingyu won’t say these things anymore… Qingyu won’t test Brother Jiang Huai anymore… don’t… don’t…”
Luo Qingyu’s tears grew more abundant, and gradually she began to gasp for breath, her words becoming blurred and intermittent. Jiang Huai gently held her in his arms, patting her back.
“Don’t cry, I didn’t say I wouldn’t want Qingyu, nor did I say I wouldn’t marry Qingyu,” Jiang Huai said with an indescribable weariness.
Luo Qingyu tried so hard to bite her lip, but she couldn’t stop sobbing. Jiang Huai held her gently, patting her back, and said nothing more until the girl in his arms finally stopped sobbing. Then he spoke slowly.
“Alright, it’s late. Let’s go to bed and talk slowly.”
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