After that day, Monica did not appear in the annex. Had she already figured out why Alan was interested in ?
If its really like that, Id like to know.
What I found out after about ten lunches with herand of course I never really talked to her except for the last daywas, in general, not good.
How long have Alan and Monica been together,how special they are to each other and the conviction that there is no room for to intervene. What a perfect match for two rose-like people, how shabby I am in comparison were things I wish I hadnt known.
Maybe its a good thing. Thanks to this, I think Ill be able to et Alan again with a cool and rational face. No matter how much Alan Leopold puts his lips on the back of my hand and wipes my tears with his handkerchief with aningless kindness, I will be able to shake it all off now.
Still, Alan didnt co back, so the progress of writing my novel was slow. Due to the lancholic sumr rain that continued day after day, my body and mind were damp.
If I kill ti like this, my firm resolution that I made for the first ti in a while may fizzle out. Until Alan Leopold cos back and finds , Ill have to diligently reflect on my commitnt and greet him in the strongest and most prepared state.
So I opened my diary and picked up a pen. The diary, filled with miscellaneous scribbles, was not a diary, but rather like a museum displaying traces of past anguish.
[What to say when I et Alan.
1. The story of Mr. Maurice.
2. Tobias Miller: Ask him the whole story of how he got Tobias involved in the terrible accident, whether he is fully reflecting on this misdeed, and how hes going to apologize. (If theres no sign of self-reflection, Ill reprimand him and remind him. By the way, will there be a day when I et Toby again?)
3. Ask him if all he really wants from is Moons Paradise and promise that hell let out of here when I complete the novel. morandum, if possible.
4. As a courtesy to the tis lissa Collins had spent to love Alan Leopold, Alan is to apologize for making her regret those tis.
As part of his apology, he is to explain in detail what kind of person he was. (Including the family story that he didnt tell after he heard my secret.)
5. Asking for a respectful apology as kissing arbitrarily is clearly rude.
6. Get a promise to notify in advance if he is unable to return ho for a long ti.]
Is this enough? Is there anything missing?
Oh, I almost forgot one important thing.
Yes, this cant be left out. I have to hear everything about what circumstances and how he stalked , what brought here, the real reason for bringing , when he started planning, etc.
With a satisfied smile as I rotated the pen, I quickly wrote down two more things.
This is to show my determination not to be dragged around by him any more, and number 6 is. Its natural to have a responsibility as the person who brought in, right?
Of course you have to take responsibility. Youre not going to let out right now.
After looking through what I had written with a determined face, I thought about writing a few more things, but I stopped because I was not confident of rembering them all. I cant even take this diary and read it out.
Still, I think everything necessary is included. I felt much lighter when I got my thoughts organized.
After that, I went back to my normal life. Writing novels without much progress, learning the Lunoa language from Sandra little by little, fumbling through books in the Lunoese language, spending awkward tis with Mr. Maurice, who cos once a week, and writing down letters that I couldnt send.
Is it because I fell asleep suddenly? This languid and boring daily life passed quickly like an arrow that was shot without any resistance.
In the anti, there was never a day when I didnt think of Alan Leopold. From the thought of just wanting to see his face, the frustration of only being able to wait for him, to the new anger that pours in every ti I rembered his past deeds. He really makes feel various emotions.
Oh, there was a ti when he appeared in my dreams. There were two such incidents. The contents were the sa, but it was a dream that he ca to wearing silver armour like a knight from history.
Ard with cold iron, Alan looked cooler, and I could hear the clashing of tal as he strode closer. I stood trembling slightly, wondering if he had co to kill .
But suddenly, Alan knelt reverently in front of , so I held out my hand as if possessed.
On that hand, he kissed like an oath. First, on the back of my hand and then on each finger, he offered a sincere kiss as if he were a knight who ca back alive after the war.
And when he finally lifted his gaze, the dawn-like eyes, just as darkness had cleared and dawn had opened, pierced .
I woke up in horror at the sight of a terrible desire in it.
Its already the third sa dream.
I fell asleep while reading a book. I hope I dont get sick tomorrow.
I stretched slowly, repositioning myself. I dont know how deep was that blade-like gaze, that even after returning to reality, I still think that my heart is still numb.
Miss.
At that mont, Sandra, who entered the room, said urgently.
The young master is back. Ill help you prepare.
Oh.
It was one late sumr night, two and a half months after I last saw Alan.
* * *
The place he called to was the office of the main building. It was dark in the room where only one candle was burning quietly.
He was standing with his back against a wooden table cluttered with papers, with his head bowed softly. The ss on the table was sohow not like Alan. The faint moonlight glimred like a mist over his shoulder.
Alan didnt look back as if he didnt know I ca in. I wondered if he was deep in thought or if he had any concern was worried.
Alan.
I called him urgently. It still didnt feel real that he was in front of yet, and his back in the hazy moonlight was exceptionally dim. So I was afraid that he would disappear like a mirage.
The neck exposed above the collar was as noble as white snow.
Alan.
I impulsively ran to him and hugged him by the waist. A flat, hard back and a subtle body temperature. The sweet and bitter scent of rose vines and wet soil.
Thank God, its not a dream.
Oh.
As soon as I realized it, I pulled my arms back like I was burned.
Am I still not awake? Where did the courage to say the words to Alan go? Just as I tried to beat myself up like that, I suddenly realized.
The fact that I was missing him more than I thought.
At that mont Alan looked back at .
.
He was always as white and pale as the moon, but today he seed to be in danger for so reason. The shiny gray eyes with blue light were as clear as showing off their presence in the dark, but there were emotions resembling sadness and hopelessness
There are days when Alans eyes glow like this. Sohow, I felt like I had seen his hidden secrets.
lissa.
If you have to go on a business trip like this you should have told .
Obviously, this was not the intention, but my voice shook strangely. Like a whining child.
Alan, who was staring at , narrowed the distance and grabbed by the shoulder. His body size, which is one head taller than , obscured the moonlight that was pouring over . Instead, his dark shadow cast over .
.
A sense of intimidation and tension engulfed . My heart thumped. His blue-gray eyes were as persistent as trying to dig into . There was no escape from his body and gaze. I just held my breath. as if standing on the edge of a cliff
Nevertheless, his grip on my shoulder was surprisingly cautious.
lissa, Troy.
I watched his lips gently open.
Answer . What happens to Troy?
Troy?
For so reason Alan was asking about my novel. Is it the illusion created by this strange darkness that his voice sounds strangely desperate?
He lived by deceiving everyone. Even to himself. What the hell was that deception for?
That.
There are monts like that sotis. Sotis you just want to hear a story. Anything that happens outside of reality.
Troy has an old wound.
I whispered, thinking maybe thats how Alan feels now.
The wound grew at an alarming rate. It was already big enough to swallow him all while he was still a child..
.
So its not like deception. Its only natural to look clumsy sotis. The young Troy, covered in scars and weeping, still lives in his heart.
So I want to soothe him, hug him.
Its all right. Youre doing great.
Was what I wanted to tell Alan tonight, when he seems to be anxious.. With that in mind, I gently leaned my cheek against Alans wrist, which stretched over my shoulder.
Is that all?
Then I could feel Alans hand being strained.
Can he eventually be free? The ideal that he longed for even in the midst of fears
.
Can he find it?
Its a strange thing. I felt like Alan, who asked that, was like a small animal that relied on . As if my answer were his salvation.
Of course I know its ridiculous. How could he, who is so high and so great, lean on , who is so small and insignificant.
Nevertheless, I answered while looking into his eyes.
Yes.
At that mont, Alan hugged my head. The comfort of being in his arms was deeper than eternity.
But suddenly he hurriedly pulled himself off. It had only been a few seconds since he held in his arms. Saying the following words to with a confused face,
Thats it for today.
I still.
Alan sighed as I tried to return to his arms. He seed to be angry, or he seed to be holding back his anger.
Its better to go back.
I couldnt resist him, who spoke strangely with a strong voice, so I just bit my lips. I wish I had the courage to say I wanted to be hugged more.
Is he tired from the long business trip? Of course he will. Maybe he wants to catch up on his work or organize his thoughts before he goes to bed.
Okay, still, I hope you find again sooner or later. I have sothing to say.
.
And if you have to travel far in the future.
Then Alan leaned in my ear.
Ill tell you. Im sorry.
The breathy whisper made shiver.
Okay, go now.
.
It was a pity that I couldnt hug him again, and when I looked up, his blue-gray eyes, which had always been cool, were twinkling.
Alans lips touched and fell lightly on my cheek the mont I realized that those eyes were remarkably similar to those I had seen in my dream. It was very fleeting.
T/N: I relate with Alan so much here, to be honest in your life you are so lost that you arent sure of anything at so point, it makes you feel like quitting everything because you dont see any end to this hellish misery.
In my life I had a similar situation and after hearing those words from soone who is important to I strangely felt light that I literally thought I might die soon because I was feeling so light hearted.
Here, for Alan, lissa is a very important person, she wrote a novel with a character so much the sa as Alan even with his original na that he wants to hear the words of him getting out of this misery soon.
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