The next day after dreaming of being chased by a stalker, I was dazed all day. anwhile, Mr. Maurice ca to visit. I sat down at the reading table, and he sat at the tea table next to , reading a book.
My mind was so noisy that I couldnt write, but I didnt have the confidence to say that I wanted to rest today.
Thats why I wasnt confident to listen to his peculiarly strange tone of saying Ill be your Troy again and the kiss scene after showing him the manuscript for an interim checkand above all, Mr. Maurice looked exceptionally tired.
Originally, he always looks tired, but these days, he gives off a blurry atmosphere as if he would disappear at any mont. I didnt want to have an old-fashioned quarrel with him. So, I put my diary under the manuscript paper and pretended to write aningless letters or scribbles.
When he got up after a couple of hours, I told him I wanted him to co only once a week, not three tis a week for the ti being.
Mr. Maurice did not object. Hes not really teaching , so my suggestion to reduce the number of visits probably didnt sound like a complaint about his skills.
Furthermore, Maurice had said that there is no need to worry about a reduction in salary depending on the number of days of class because the remuneration is paid in a special way.
However, it was Alan Leopold, not , who signed the contract with him, and that he could not follow my suggestion because it was a condition set by Alan that he had three classes a week.
So I said,
I think you really need a break. If youre not healthy, itll be hard for you to have a good influence on .
Thats true, but.
You can still read my novel once a week. I will work hard without being lazy.
I added hastily for him, who was still hesitant.
Ill tell Alan.
I didnt forget to smile as if I was relieved.
Dont worry, hes good at doing favors.
So I was relieved to finally reduce my contact with Mr. Maurice, whom I had been uncomfortable withalthough not a bad personall along.
Now that Sandra is here, there is no need to quench my thirst by having awkward conversations with him, and once a week is enough to check whether the progress of the novel is going as he had planned.
This gave a good reason to et Alan Leopold. I have a clear duty to tell him about the alteration of his contract. So it makes sense for to wait for Alan Leopold.
Even if I say that , in fact, after Mr. Maurice went back that day, I did not continue writing the novel or my diary, but focused on my thoughts, and I ca to the conclusion that I had to wait for Alan anyway.
It is my excuse to use Mr. Maurice as a defense chanism to defend my pining for Alan..
So the reason I have to face Alan Leopold again is because I have to fight with him. There are still a lot of things that need to be answered by him, and there are still a lot of things that need to be explained with his own voice.
I have faced Alan several tis since I ca to this mansion. Thats pretty close too. In other words, I have experienced things that are unusual for , such as making eye contact, eating and drinking together, receiving flowers, and sharing deep kisses.
We are even addressing each other by na, and we use quite intimate language.
But I still dont know how Alan Leopold feels. He looks clear and transparent at first glance, but when I approach him, I cant see anything.
He and I are no longer what we used to belissa, who stared at him from a distance, and Alan, who never looked backSo I need to know his psychology.
Now I think I need to figure out exactly how he stalked and how he brought here.
I cant imdiately hate Alan Leopold no matter how much I reflect on his past deeds. So I feel I have only myself to bla because I have loved him for countless hours, but I dont know what his intentions were for his actions.
The sa is true of my novel. Just as it is impossible to sympathize with or empathize with a text that is not well explained, the story between him and is completely lost in the middle.
This is the identity of the sense of incompatibility that I have felt. His circumstances, his motives, his sincerity, his explanation I didnt hear any of this properly.
All hes ever told was a roundabout, abstract answer. Its an excuse that doesnt work for , even if its an excellent businessmans way of speaking. Using the sa language in conversation is fundantal, and Im not a businessman.
Alan Leopold, who had been just an illusion to for so many years, materializes and talks to , smiles, breathes and slls, touches every mont that always blurs my consciousness.
How much I looked forward to studying abroad, how much I wanted to send a letter to my family and friends I left behind in the kingdom, and how I was determined to break free from this deford life. After making eye contact with Alan, all of this hot enthusiasm becos dull like a night fog that scatters in the morning sun.
The mont I monopolize Alan Leopold. The euphoria of that magical ti is more exhilarating than anything Ive ever experienced.
I dont have anything to say if Ive lived a small life, but its true that the actions he takes, the expressions he makes, and the words he says are so stimulating that I cant turn a blind eye to them.
But I must never forget. No matter how sweet he is, as sweet as candy, licking it with a wounded tongue is only painful.
So in order to face Alan Leopold straight, to resent him indifferently, to clarify my feelings for him and to be completely free from the remnants of the fear that weighed on , I decided to wait for him and confront him.
Of course, I must not forget to tell the story of Mr. Maurice.
I felt lighthearted after a long ti. Have I ever felt this relieved since the day I first learned that I was being stalked by an unidentified man? Even after his identity was finally revealed, I never felt comfortable living in this picturesque mansion.
So may laugh at for being so proud of a decision that I havent even tried yet, but this resolution really ans a lot to . To the point where I think the worries and tears of the past few months were a hardship to reach this conclusion.
So I was so happy that I wanted to hug myself. I feel like I have crossed a wall I thought I would never be able to cross. Like the saying that the beginning is half the battle, I had a hunch that there will be countless walls left in the future, but everything will be fine.
You can do it, lissa. So I just need to see Alan again!
* * *
Its been a few days since I thought that way. Theres a problem. Alan Leopold hasnt yet co back.
Is it because I made a big decision? The days without him were as long as months.
In fact, it wouldnt have been a big problem if it had stopped here. If its waiting silently, Im pretty confident in doing that. But,
Are you here?
Ha Why are you here again?
It is a huge problem that an unexpected uninvited guest has already visited for the third ti.
Sit down, its getting cold.
Monica Elwood was a very brazen woman. It was four days ago that she ca back to . I believed that she would never et after the day she tore my clothes and scratched my skin.
She didnt seem to be here to apologize or say anything in particular. She just walked into the dining hall of the detached house at lunchti and sat at the opposite side of the big table where I always sat alone and ate. It was the sa the day before, yesterday and even today..
She greeted and then dined again. With an attitude of insignificance, as if she were dealing with a lady whom she had t several tis in the social world. It was really shaless.
When I t her in the dining hall, my feelings were half absurd and half fearful all three tis. I wanted to avoid my seat imdiately, but I couldnt read her intention to attack like last ti, and above all, I had a useless determination.
Why do I have to get out of the way? This is my space, this is my al. Isnt she the one who needs to get out of the way?
Today, Sandra ran away in surpriseits getting more and more entrenched that she must have been harassed by Monica Elwood at so pointMonica was surprisingly nonchalant. She was even eating in a ridiculously beautiful appearance.
Today she was wearing a dress as white and beautiful as snow, which looked almost like an angel or a fairy. I almost believed that the evil deed of the other day was in my imagination.
You dont plan to co every day, are you? Are you free?
All I have is money and ti.
Ha.
I shook my head quietly and started eating. The main dish was veal with potato puree.
You know, Collins.
.
The way she talked informally was the sa. Temptress, should I be thankful that she isnt saying anything like that anymore?
No matter how beautiful she is, I didnt want to mingle with a rude person. So I maintained the distance. I dont even want to get close to this woman.
I hate mushrooms. Will you eat it for ?
Ha.
What is she talking about? I shot back while cutting the at.
What are you doing? Is it a new type of bullying?
I was able to reply to her in a pretty loud voice. Of course, I still freeze when our eyes et.
What do you an by bullying? How can I do that when Im so scared of baby?
Monica folded her eyes and smiled. I swear Ive never seen such an evil smile in my life.
Im trying to get close to you. I dont have any friends. He doesnt seem to be here either. Im not here to see Alan, so dont worry.
.I have a friend and Alan isnt usually here at this ti.
Isnt it normal to apologize for what happened before that? And why am I answering each and every one of her questions?
Thats great! Its perfect for girls to build friendships.
I dont want to build a friendship. Im going to eat now, so dont interrupt
Its a secret between us, so dont tell Alan Im here.
No, Im not building a friendship!
Monica, who ignored my words, was so annoying that my face heated up. What can I do? What a brazen woman.
Then Monica, who picked up a plump cherry and put it in her mouth, whispered in an elegant and captivating voice, while curving her eyes.
If I say, Ill kill your maid?
I dropped the dishware.
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