I cried so much yesterday that my eyes turned red as if they were bitten. Stiffness every ti I blink is quite annoying.
I hope it will calm down a bit tomorrow
Ugh Im so sorry, lady.
Im fine.
It wouldnt be very convincing to say that its fine with these eyes, but I didnt want to recall what happened yesterday. No wonder I didnt even write my diary last night. I dont want to leave a sentence or a word about this in it.
With that in mind, I was trying to soothe Sandra, who has already been apologizing to with a tearful face for two days, while I tried to have the most nonchalant face I can put on. I couldnt believe it was yesterday that I cried so much that I fell down like I collapsed in the parlour in the main house.
But I couldnt go right away, so you.
.
Yes, thats right. The real tragedy was that none of the countless servants in this magnificent mansion ca to pick up. Because the piece of cloth on the body was no longer able to act as a dress, I was forced to be left in that terrible place for hours without being able to go outside.
The sound of rain hitting the window harshly, the chilly reverberation wafting through the air, my shabby and wretched self that couldnt even properly rebut the rudeness of Alans lover who committed indescribable rudeness There was nothing that wasnt sad.
So it wasnt that I wasnt resentful towards Sandra. I was humiliated by Monica Elwood, and during those hours of raging sobbing, she didnt stay by my side for a second.
That is clearly against the role of a maid. All I wanted from her was not for her to stand up against Monica, but to lend her shoulder to lean on.
But Sandra, who ca to at night, was crying bitterly when she hurriedly covered with blankets and led to my room in the annex. Her plump carrot-colored eyebrows looked pathetic like a frightened animal.
So how can I reprimand her? I patted her on the back helplessly.
I was so exhausted and tired yesterday that I fell asleep as soon as I finished taking a bath. And from the ti I opened my eyes until now, Sandra was crying.
Please. Please forgive .
.
I cant fire her because Im not her master. Even though she wouldnt know it, asking for forgiveness so desperately would at least an that she was working as a maid with sincere responsibility.
And an oddly frightened look. I am by no ans the object she should fear. So the anxiety in Sandras eyes must be towards Monica, not .
Since she has such a talkative personality, if I talked about Monica Elwood, she would have been able to say anything.
She may have done a lot to the maids who served Alan if she had such a violent temper. Maybe Sandra had a rough ti with Alan when she was his maid or witnessed that?
If so, it ans Monica and Alan have a long relationship, but it could be sothing like a betrothal relationship from childhood. As much as a family is a family.
Anyway, it was clear that I wouldnt have suffered so much humiliation if Sandra hadnt told that Alan didnt have a lover. I moved my lips in a deep voice.
Sandra, its all in the past. Its all right. Stop crying.
But, miss.
Let ask you one thing instead. Didnt you say Alan didnt have a lover?
Oh.
Sandra, who hesitated with beads of tears, answered in a trembling voice.
Oh, the person who ca to see you yesterday Shes not his lover. I dont know whats going to happen later, but now.
.
What does this an? So she threatened by pretending to be a fake lover? Or did she really promise to marry Alan Leopold?
If thats what she really is, shes technically not a lover, but shes in a position to be suspicious and angry with and Alan.. Anyway, it was too much.
My chin and wrist are still scarred with red marks. Even now, I tremble with anger and fear when I think of the mont when she was rushing to rip my clothes.
Even though it was a problem that could be confird by conversation, she was busy trampling on , far from listening to . Shes like a raging person.
Lady
Maybe my expression was too serious, Sandra, who was slowly looking around, called in a small voice. I was just staring blankly at the heavy drops of tears dripping down her wet eyes.
I really like you. Its painful that Im weak and cant help you..
.
I just want to tell you everything.
What do you an?
When I asked again to the tearful maid, Sandra answered, wiping her tears with her sleeve.
Poor lady. Please give ti to prepare myself. At that ti Ill tell you every story I know.
* * *
After hearing Sandras tearful pledge, I consciously tried to erase the mory of Monica Elwood.
As I grabbed the pen again and started writing the novel character by character, I felt as if I had returned to my original daily life. I filled up the diary a little by little. Such as,
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