Side Story Episode 20: Fear
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lissa had a slight fever. Early in the morning, I moved her to the bed and carefully covered her with the blanket, but it seed I was a bit too late.
As usual, Alan, who woke up early, tidied up the room quickly, having missed so spots the previous night. The truth was, he wanted to pack up and find a slightly better inn as soon as lissa woke up, but he knew he mustn’t be careless.
A lively novelist is not an easily predictable creature.
Sure enough, the first thing she said upon waking was, “I like this place.” With that one sentence, it was decided that they would spend a few days in this old, dilapidated room in Whitewood.
For breakfast, the innkeeper provided only coarse bread, jam, butter, and tea with a very old taste. Although Alan found both the food and the dishes unsatisfactory, his mood improved as he watched her cute lips chewing the bread.
It was a mont when the terrible als that had to be endured here actually seed quite acceptable.
However, after finishing her al, lissa brought up an unexpected topic.
“I want to go to the forest.”
“What?”
Alan, who had touched her forehead, stiffened his face.
“No, you have a fever. It’s snowing outside and the forest…”
“That’s why I wanted to co here…”
But there was no way to refuse when lissa pleaded with a sad face.
“Rose and Liam, or rather your parents, spent a lot of ti there. Right?”
“……”
He had no choice but to give in.
“Think about it, Alan. You t in the Whitewood forest, and if your love grew there, it ans that the forest is what allowed you to co into this world.”
Sigh. Alan let out a low sigh. Living with an artist was not an easy task for soone like him. Moreover, lissa, with her pleading gaze, was not soone he could easily resist.
Alan said with a displeased tone.
“…You need to dress warmly, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
“Wow!”
“Make sure to be back before sunset.”
Despite his stern voice, it seed his words didn’t reach lissa, who was clapping her hands with joy.
When they went downstairs, a short, diligent woman who appeared to be the innkeeper’s daughter was busily wiping glasses. When lissa, who no longer rembered the details of ‘that novel,’ asked her about the Whitewood forest, she received this reply:
“It’s easy to find. The village is surrounded by the forest, so everything you see on your way is part of Whitewood forest.”
“It really is a vast forest.”
The middle-aged woman looked puzzled at lissa’s innocent reaction.
“Are you really planning to go into the forest? Even the locals often get lost there…”
“There’s a specific place I want to visit. I won’t go too deep.”
With a bright smile, lissa thanked her and took Alan’s hand, leading him out. When they pushed open the old door, they were greeted by a dazzling scene of sunlight on white paper-like scenery. Fresh winter air filled their lungs.
“A specific place?”
“Oh! I’m going to visit the treehouse Liam built.”
“There’s a house in the forest?”
Alan asked in surprise, still feeling a peculiar impression of lissa casually talking about her parents, whom even he didn’t know much about.
“It’s more of a hideout than a house.”
“Do you think it’s still there? It must be at least thirty years old.”
In response, lissa lovingly linked arms with him.
“Let’s see for ourselves. Whether it’s still there or not.”
“……”
“I think it will still be there. Sohow, it feels like it’s waiting for us.”
Instead of replying, Alan tidied up his wife’s disheveled hair and made sure to adjust the shawl that was precariously draped over her delicate shoulders.
If she wished for it, Alan hoped that the cabin would still be there. Ideally, he hoped it would be near the edge of the forest, sowhere easy to find. He hoped lissa would have ample ti to enjoy herself, and that it would still be bright enough for her to bask in the experience.
Before evening ca, he wanted to return to the room, have a long chat by the fireplace over so unpleasant tea, take a bath together in the narrow tub, and then fall into a deep, side-by-side sleep.
As he walked quietly, matching lissa’s pace, these thoughts occupied Alan’s mind.
“Look at these trees!”
lissa seed genuinely moved by the towering spruce trees that reached towards the sky. Her excited cheeks were frad by her brown hair, fluttering like waves as she walked through the forest.
However, the dense conifers that lined the edge of the forest grew even thicker as they ventured further in. The faint beams of light filtering through the dense branches and the chirping birds were no longer visible.
“It’s strange. It shouldn’t be this hard to find…”
Alan, who had pulled lissa close as she started to shiver slightly, looked troubled.
“How can you be so sure?”
“She said she visited it like it was her own ho since she was a child. Children wouldn’t have co to such a deep place every day…”
“If the forest is like her own, it could be possible.”
“You speak as if you’ve owned the forest.”
lissa looked up at him with a playful gaze, but the response she received was perfectly calm.
“I received a gift. When I was about nine. It’s now returned to the royal family.”
“Let’s go over there!”
lissa hurriedly quickened her pace as if fleeing, and Alan followed with steady steps.
How long had they been walking? Still, Liam and Rose’s cabin was nowhere in sight. Only the endless winter trees stretched out before them.
The forest, which had once been bathed in sunlight, grew darker with every step they took. What had once been a fairy-tale landscape now felt gloomy and desolate. lissa, too, seed exhausted and spoke less frequently.
Amid the distant mist, Alan finally spoke up.
“Let’s head back. I think we’ve looked around enough.”
“Just a little longer…”
“lissa.”
“Let’s go a little further. Okay?”
With her lips visibly chapped, lissa pleaded. Alan looked back with a troubled expression and then covered his eyes. They had already co so far that turning back would be difficult, but going further seed risky.
He had to put a stop to it.
“Let’s stop here. You’re pushing yourself too hard.”
“But this is where you were born… We might never co back again. Don’t you cherish your parents’ traces? Don’t you want to find them?”
“……”
Yes, when I was a very small baby, this place might have been his ho. He must have soon beco familiar with the forest, just as if it were his room. So, returning to Whitewood must indeed be a special thing.
But I couldn’t let my already fragile wife wander the winter forest all day. Especially not for the sake of finding mories of parents she couldn’t even rember, or just their traces.
“I know you’re a romantic.”
“This isn’t about romance—”
With a firm expression, he took lissa’s hand.
“No, that’s enough.”
Despite his cold voice, the warmth of his touch made lissa’s nose tingle.
Had his body ever felt this warm? At least, she felt this way when she lost consciousness and was held in his arms on so winter day she couldn’t rember.
Her body was as cold as ice.
“Damn it, lissa.”
Alan quickly took off his coat and wrapped her in it. lissa trembled with a red, cold nose in the heavy, scent-laden overcoat.
“I… wanted you to see it…”
“I understand.”
“I—I don’t understand. If you really knew how I felt, you’d at least act like you were disappointed…”
lissa’s lips were trembling, making it hard for her to speak. It was difficult for her to endure long journeys by boat in the first place. And today, she had been running a fever since the morning.
“It’s… it’s so cold, Alan.”
lissa closed her eyes weakly and was picked up. At that mont, Alan felt a strong urge to kick himself. How many hours had they spent in this godforsaken forest?
Caring for and sotis soothing the impulsive and profoundly innocent lissa was his lifelong mission.
So, if anything were to happen to her today, the culprit would be none other than himself for not stopping her from going into the snow-covered winter forest.
“I’m going to run.”
“…….”
“Hold on tight.”
Suddenly, Alan, who had picked up lissa, began to run madly. She huddled and shivered slightly in his arms. A small, sorrowful sob was barely audible.
“I’m sorry……. I didn’t an to act like a child. I just……”
His thin voice trembled with the rciless cold. It was also difficult to continue speaking because he was running with all his strength. lissa hugged his warm neck tightly and closed her eyes tightly.
But Alan’s words, which understood her heart, were sincere above all else. So, there was no need for explanations or apologies. He learned from lissa that even small, mundane joys and luck can sotis beco the driving force of a lifeti.
When she returned alone to Sorne. Alan realized that the mories between them, even the smallest ones, were what supported him while waiting for a woman who might never return.
If she doesn’t co back, it will be unbearably painful, and perhaps the rest of his life will be lived as a soulless shell, but even so, it is ultimately those mories that keep him alive.
Alan held the love trembling in his arms even tighter. Despite running as if he were about to collapse, his heart was completely desperate.
In the bitterly cold forest, where the cold wind was howling, it was excruciating to think that he could not give all his warmth, even though he was only wearing a thin shirt.
When they finally returned to the old room and laid lissa down, Alan was drenched in sweat. But lissa was also completely exhausted.
Her lips, once sparkling like red fruit, were now dry and cracked, emitting weak groans. Her forehead, where he gently placed his hand, was burning like fire.
“It’s so cold……. Cold and painful……”
As if his cool hand was a salvation for her, lissa pitifully rubbed her flushed face against his wrist.
Eventually, Alan collapsed, sitting down as if he were about to fall apart.
“Ah……”
He was suddenly filled with fear. The rational and calm facade vanished, leaving behind only a desperately powerless and anxious man.
Holding his wife’s cheeks, he pressed his lips fervently against her sweating forehead and invoked a god he did not believe in. If only he could bear the pain for her, even a fraction of it, he would do anything……
“lissa, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I…….”
He was mumbling absentmindedly, not even knowing what he was saying, when he suddenly stood up.
“I’ll get a doctor, just wait.”
……
Seeing lissa suffering without even being able to open her eyes felt like the world was collapsing. He could not afford to stop here. If he couldn’t forgive himself any longer, he might genuinely wish for death.
“…… Just wait a bit.”
Alan carefully placed his lips on lissa’s face, which was burning with fever. Her flushed cheeks were warm.
“I’ll be back soon, dear.”
Grabbing his coat, Alan rushed out of the room imdiately.
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