About Your Pride and Chapter 4: Reason For Falling in Love

Chapter 4: Reason For Falling in Love

Alan laughed.

It was a clear laugh.

Lets pretend we didnt hear that.

With those cold words, the collection of poems ca closer to . When he reached out his hand towards my face, the book was placed on my trembling palm with a tap sound.

Alan turned around, slightly loosening the dark red, cravat around his neck.

I couldnt do anything but look up at his black back. Hoping that it wasnt

who made him feel frustrated.

At that very mont, Alan glanced back at . When our eyes t, I thought it wouldnt be strange if my heart stopped like this. It may be my illusion, but his eyes looked as if he had sothing to say..

But it was also my wish, and his gaze stayed on my face for just about three seconds. At the sa ti, the tip of his sleek chin headed straight back, Alan strode away from .

His back slowly blended into the street that was dyed in scarlet. It was such a familiar scene to . Enough to make

believe that everything that just happened was an illusion, and the sight Im seeing right now was real.

On the way back ho, it seed that I was in a daze the whole ti. As scrambled down the street, less than an hour from the city centre, I was preoccupied with the thought of Alans flawless and beautiful skin,

Even his cold transparent blueish-gray eyes did not leave my mind. As if the after-image was engraved in my mind.

I got goosebumps all over my body when I rembered the feeling when his cold gaze slowly swept across my face.

Hey, lissa!

Im back, mom.

What about your hat!

When I returned ho, my mother imdiately tracked down the whereabouts of my hat. My mother, whose only hobby is to look out the window with a lethargic face, ran out when she saw that my hat wasnt in my hand.

Thats sothing I got from my aunt and grandmother a few years ago.

What? How can you go out in the social world wearing that old-fashioned thing? You think you would stand out with that? I gave you enough money to buy sothing good!

Its clean. Its just that its a little modest.

So, you ca back empty-handed? You didnt buy Sarahs hat, but you bought useless books? Ugh!,

Oh, I bought a moon ribbon for my hat. Im going to ask Mrs. Kerney for a favor. This is a poetry book bought because I had so money left.

At my words, my mother was furious and pounded her chest.

lissa! Are you still thinking about becoming an author?

When I was still a teenager, I told my mother that! wanted to be an author, but her response was very bad. I havent said anything like that ever since then, but.. As expected, she mustve rembered.

This is just a collection of poems, mom. I wanted to read poems in autumn..

Its fine to write and dream of becoming an author.

My mother snorted like an angry bull and cut off my words.

But, shouldnt it be your priority to find a good husband? You dont seem to not understand what Im talking about.

You can live leisurely with your husbands wealth and use it to do your hobby. Yes?

A dream that couldnt co true anyway. My mothers small words stung .

Worrying about marriage continued quite long as always. Having managed to endure it, I went straight to Mrs. Kerney and handed her the hat and ribbon. I also said to not forget to put it up beautifully

Then, I sat alone in front of my desk inside my room. I wanted to think about sothing else because my heart was feeling stuffy. It was a natural step for

to start reading poetry.

To be honest, the poems in the book didnt really impress . Since it was an impulsive purchase,

I skimd through the poems with dry eyes, turning the pages halfheartedly, with an attitude that seed as if it was an obligation.

It was when a poem titled made my gaze

stop.

Theres a shadow you left on the

street

When I read the first line, of course, I thought of Alan

I was the one being swallowed alive in the coral sky that I looked up over your shoulder on that sumr day

I was out of breath because it was filled by you

I lie on the wall where your soul was resting, and I felt in ease

You were my mistake

I missed him.

Ive always been curious about the reason for love. think Ive always been curious ever since the mont I existed.

Of course, I wasnt trying to talk about a crush. This curiosity was about the beginning of lovers who swore love to each other.

One day, I asked my mother about how she decided to be Mrs. Collins. The answer, that my mother gave without hesitating, who was sewing a button on an old coat, was,

Livelihood.

Her voice was dry and said so without even looking away from the thread and needle.

Perhaps, because it was an answer that could be expected or convinced, I wasnt disappointed.

Anyway, the Collins couple now have a similar relationship to love, so its fine. I thought so. This was because I didnt think love had to be hot and intense.

I have nothing to say if soone laughed at

for the way I knew about it while not having anyone to love.

I asked right away when I heard the news that Viola had just started dating.

Why did you choose that person?

I didnt expect a great answer, but I still asked her. I was just curious. As to what sense and conviction everyone started to love. That has been my longstanding concern.

Because Im lonely.

When Viola answered, her face was calm.

The world is so big and were all weak youths, l./ thought it would be nice to have soone to lean on. Completely on my side. Wouldnt that be the sa for everyone?

I didnt know what Viola ant. So I just nodded my head moderately.

But, I totally stood on my own side. That was such a childish story.

This was my real intention; There couldnt be anyone else on my side other than myself in this world.

It was just a question. Do people really expect such nonsense and start dating? Its not like they dont know that they will eventually end up being disappointed and hurt. I was just wondering endlessly

Of course, I have feelings for Alan, but this was just a simple crush.

.So, it ant that I didnt have any expectations, that I might develop feelings for him. I was also keenly aware of how poor lissa Collins was for Alan Leopold.

The reason why I couldnt beco a lover with anyone in my past life or present life. I was afraid to admit it, but I already knew.

The essence is a feeling of inferiority.

When I fell in love, I couldnt experience it with a calm mind. I didnt think I would have been the only one who felt this way, but I didnt even know how I fell into it calculatively. It was just irresistible and I got caught up in it.

Theres a brilliant type of person in this world. The people, who could easily steal soones heart and soul, they couldnt help but to look dazzling in any way.

Im obviously not of that sort.

So, its unimaginable for

to confess my love to him, who took my heart without any explanation or understanding. I just have to wait helplessly for this love to fade away.

If I had been as calculating as my mother, I would have tried. If I had the courage to start a love for a simple reason like Because I was lonely like Viola, a lot of things wouldve changed.

However, these thoughts also ant nothing. Alan Leopold is too far and overwhelming for .

We were close to each other when I encountered him I might have breathed the sa air as him. If not, at least maybe just a little bit. In that sense, was it natural to think of him while reading this poem?

When I thought about his breath, my heart sohow beca heavy.

Then, suddenly I heard a knock. I raised my head, which had been down looking at the poem. The small fla that sat on the tip of the candle trembled dangerously.

lissa.

It was Mrs. Kerneys voice. When I hurriedly opened the door, her innocent face was filled with a smile, showing her protruding front teeth. Mada had a hat in her small hand. A forked bonnet surrounded by a sky blue velvet ribbon.

Are you done, maam?

Yes, take a look.

In order to chase the thoughtfulness, I shook my head a couple of tis and picked up the hat.

What do you think?

I turned around the hat that was beautifully wrapped with a bright ribbon. As expected, Mrs. Kerneys skills were no doubt. It didnt look new, but it was stylish enough that I could wear it right away.

Its pretty. Thank you.

Thats a relief.

Mada smiled with her good-looking face. At that mont, I suddenly realized that I had never heard about Mrs. Kearneys love story. If I didnt know she was separated from her husband, I wouldve asked her earlier..

As for how Mrs. Kearney ca to my house, it was from the beginning that she had a connection with my father when her husband joined the military.

He suddenly passed away during the training. My father, who felt sorry for Mrs. Kearney, who had nowhere to go, recomnded her to co into our house as an employee.

Do you have anything to say about the hat?

Oh

I suddenly thought. If its now, wouldnt it be okay to ask? I heard that the ti when mada ca overlapped with my birthday, so it has been twenty years.

I stopped talking and started with the intention of apologizing if Mrs. Kearney showed any signs of discomfort.

Madam, Im in love these days, so Im a little curious about.

Love.

Mada smiled when she looked at my fingertips nervously fiddling with my hat, and my eyes wandered around, not knowing where to look.

It was sunset ti, and the corridor without windows was dark. The only thing that was casting light was the madas greenish-brown eyes.

So, you an youre in love?

What? For , such a thing is

was embarrassed at that mont and blurred the end of my words. I just wanted mada not to say anything to my mother.

Be, because I cut the price for the hat, I bought a collection of poems, and it turned out to be a collection of love poems.

Thats possible. When I was as young as you, I loved, poetry.

This actually wasnt the poetry book I wanted to buy Of all things, Im a little short of money.!

I dont know why I was explaining about this..

So, how did mada fall in love? What kind of confidence did your husband give you to decide that you were ready for marriage? I heard that he was a noble..

Well If you feel uncomfortable, you dont have to answer .

Its not a pleasant thing.

Mrs. Kearneys smile faded and she shifted her gaze to the sky as if she were lost in thought.

Her answer was a little out of my expectations,

I was at stake.

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Comnts from Korean readers:

This is a novel that shows what a carefully crafted sentence is. This is a novel that keeps

looking for more works done by this author.

I love the atmosphere of the novel and the lines used.

Life?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Wow, the sentences are really nice.