Volu 6, Chapter 112: Yearning to be a Hero
Yes, it was a very simple order.
To avoid putting the organization at risk because of one person’s feelings. Of course, Matia disapproved of those whose emotions were like fire. She wanted to avoid risking her entire foundation. I agreed with her to so extent.
Saint Matia said she wouldn’t allow anyone to be reckless during the negotiations with Belfein.
Ah, anyone, including the reckless . Nevertheless, I knew I was an idiot who acted without much thinking. I only brought trouble to the people around .
That was why…If I wanted to take so action, I had to do it on my own.
The darkness of the night filled the whole area and put the Earth to sleep. I gazed at the road ahead while moving my eyes. I put a piece of the chewing tobacco in my mouth and felt a pleasant scent passing through my nostrils. My horse’s hooves hit the cobblestone road in direction to the main gate of Garoua Maria.
There was no one around. Literally no one. When I thought deeply about it, I realized there had been a lot of noise around lately. That would have been unthinkable in the past.
The strange tranquility of the night made my heart cool and cald down.
How nostalgic. How could I even rember this strange nostalgia? Yes, I was the only person who was “stuck” behind. A person who never reached the frontlines. I could not walk side by side with soone at all.
But, what about now? I had Caria, Filaret and Eldith walking side by side with . This distorted situation was the existence I once envied and hated of the hero who walked side by side with them.
In addition, I did not forget the treatnt I once received. They were my enemies. Yes, my natural enemies.
They trampled on . They destroyed my dignity. I felt totally abandoned and neglected. Then, I felt hatred. My chest clearly rembered the hatred that ignited toward those heroes.
Ah, but now, I felt joy in this tiny heart. I felt fulfillnt that burst my insides. A feeling of irresistible pleasure that made my skin itch.
The fact that soone recognized as the hero I was envious before. Even tears overflowed at the edge of my eyes.
However, at the sa ti, I felt a trembling sensation in the depths of my heart.
The true nature of this tremor was my twisted self-esteem, which made feel excited because of those who once despised , recognized now. In the end, I felt scared. I did not know what to do about my emotions. I was afraid that nothing would ever change in my life.
Yes, I wanted to change everything about my past. So things did change, which made feel happy but wary at the sa ti. However, my insides, what I truly felt about myself never really changed. I did rember the ti when I used to guard the surroundings alone. That ti took away from reality as I comforted myself with the chewing tobacco. I would just sit there in the lookout and reminisce about what I wanted but did not have. Yes, day by day.
I knew that those people would eventually abandon . Despised and banished by the people who now approved of my self-being.
I knew that very well. Even coming to the past was a big risk. I ca here to search for a little bit of wisdom, and to gain a new purpose in life. I knew a little bit about the future, and it worked just fine. At least, until now.
However, I had to change in order to avoid the cycle of hatred.
Lagias, the old King of the Elves told . “You have to trample on my own corpse and use it as a stepping-stone in order to move forward.” I had to overco my own obstacles in order to be responsible for my own choices. Only then, I could walk through the right path.
Those were big words, and kept piercing through my heart every single day since then. A blood of impatience that filled my wound and created great confusion in my chest.
I was an unmistakable insignificant person. I knew it too well, and I swallowed that fact many tis over.
However, I still wanted to do sothing. Yes, sothing relevant with my own life. I wanted to reach the heroes’ necks. I wanted to be seen as soone worthy. Yes, as soone who ignited “fire” in people’s hearts like true heroes.
In order to be in par with them…I had to beco a hero myself.
Ah, what a faint dream. I felt ashad of myself that I even strengthened my cheeks.
A hero, huh. A person like . If I wanted to reach that faint dream, I would have to walk a thorny path. Yes, a path that would make my body full of scratches. I would have to shed blood and do what I could to deserve that almighty title. That is, if the average person like even tried to reach the feet of heroes.
I sighed as I bit the chewing tobacco with my teeth. My breath was white because of the cold night.
If I wanted to reach the feet of heroes, then I mustn’t remain within the walls of Garoua Maria.
There was Caria, who had beco a hero with the sword. There was Filaret who had beco a hero by magic. Then, there was Matia, the hero of the Heraldic Order.
Who was I? I was sure that Garoua Maria wouldn’t fall so easily. But, if I didn’t do anything at all, then I wouldn’t be able to move forward. I didn’t want to follow the path of my past life anymore.
Indeed. If I stayed quietly in Garoua Maria, then they would do everything and take credit themselves. I was sure of it. Those heroes would be the ones to achieve glory and status.
They were the heart behind the success of both Garoua Maria and the Hanging Gardens of Ghazalia. All I did was pull so strings, nothing else. Ah, what a disgusting feeling.
If that was the case, then I could not stay in Garoua Maria. I had to prove myself. To prove my worthiness, and in order to do that, I had to pursue my own path. Even if I was alone, I was a person capable of doing so things. However, I had to ask this pertinent question to myself. If I wasn’t a hero, then how could I beco one?
Belfein, the rcenary city. I thought this could be a good opportunity to prove myself.
They were definitely underestimating us. They were looking down on us. That was why they approached us with an alliance plan. A plan to lure us in and cut our necks.
Of course, they were not stupid. They probably understood that it was not easy to form an alliance from day to night.
However, I knew that Belfein was trying to have the upper hand over Garoua Maria.
The idea was probably to make internal disagreents, incite them, and eventually break them down. It seed that they were plotting to devour the giant elephant nad Garoua Maria from within.
It was precisely why Matia instructed Ann to take care of internal adjustnts. Matia clearly understood the enemy’s intentions.
What Belfein was most confident about was their ard forces. They knew that nobody would ss up with them out of the blue. That’s the reason why they were slowly trying to strangle our necks, because they felt they had power to do so. But, for , even though they had the power to fight, they ended up choosing a disgusting way to fight.
A cold breath went through my throat. This icy cold cooled down my hot body. I kept thinking while approaching the end of the road with my horse.
I recalled my past life, and…was “that” man the leader of Belfein? He was a fat man who looked down on people. I knew it well. True, I knew a lot about the city and that vicious man.
That was why this was such a good opportunity for .
I was no one and I had no hero power in . But, I had no choice but to do it on my own.
I bit my lips while rolling my eyes in the darkness. No problem. I was used to doing things by myself anyways. Rather, it seed too abnormal to have much power around until now.
I made up my mind. But, I felt sothing like a heavy iron weighing in my belly.
The rcenary city of Belfein, I shall get rid of it by myself this ti. Failure ant that I would remain insignificant and unworthy forever. I would end up with the sa empty body as I used to have in the past tiline.
I was prepared to die. I was willing to expose my corpse up to the end. When that ti cos, then I would gladly die without bothering those around .
I had to possess a clear resolve in order to beco a hero. I did not know what Caria or Filaret would say when they heard this, but if they ended up going against , then I shall bring them down along with to the bottom of this Earth.
“…This story sort of beca like the script of a play. I did not know if my story was just a foolish story or a masterpiece.”
The moon appeared from the shadow of the clouds. Today, the light was strangely dazzling.
The sound of my horse’s hooves dominated the darkness of the night.
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