A Wife for the Billi Chapter 35: SOFIA

Chapter 35: SOFIA

Defeat.

That’s one word I hated more than any other.

To lose. To murdelize. To vanquish. No matter it’s synonym, I hated every single one of them.

No matter how it’s defined, I abhor the word. But the definition I have always taken into consideration, though I hated every word and punctuation was; to reduce, to nothing, the strength of.

That’s how it felt after Richard dismissed me. My strength and myself had been reduced... to nothing.

Everything I worked for, everything that led to this very moment felt like it meant nothing. Like steps leading to failure.

I suppose that’s exactly what it is.

Failure. If not, then what

else would I call it when it failed to

achieve the main goal. The main objective.

I may have tried to achieve success during high school, college and my internship. But the truth remains that life has already defeated me when it took away the two persons who have always fought gallantly for me.

They were my trusted soldiers, and with them out of the picture, the war was lost.

I guess I was trying to prove to myself and life that I could still win. That I could succeed. That I could fight the battle alone and emerge victorious.

Who was I kidding? In the war against life, I was nothing, but an insect against it’s gigantic form. All those times, I thought I won was just me irritating it with my buzzing and humming.

And now, it seems life has finally managed to slap me away, and with enough force that I fear my wings may never lift me up... again.

I think there’s a reason why it’s often called, ’the cold floors of defeat’ and that’s because, rising from such place is close to impossible.

I knew I had lost even before I crossed that threshold. Or a part of me knew,but I was too stubborn to accept it. Even with Cole as a startling reminder, I allowed a part of me to think victory could still be realized.

But is victory even possible when the battle has already been lost?

Now, I must cross that threshold again, but this time with every part of me certain of my defeat.

"It’s over. I’ve lost it all. Stupid me." I

mumbled to myself as I ever neared those doors that mock me with the reflection of my defeated self.

Never have I ever looked smaller. My coat hung over me like a shroud of trounce. My hair hung thickly over my shoulders in curls of defeat. My eyes were dull, brown as the muddy paths of loss. My face felt unrecognizable, as I stared at it, I refused to believe that was me. That I bore those puffed and cherry cheeks and trembling lips.

My mind wheeled and turned, each trail of thought filling me with the crushing weight of what just happened.

It had thought of a way out. An alternative. A choice. Something... anything at all that could change the outcome. Any piece to move that would make this checkmate less mortifying.

But there had been no way out. No alternative. No choice left, but acceptance of this turn of events. Nothing... or anything that held the power to change this outcome. No move or piece capable of outmaneuvering the checkmate.

I remember the very day I got the interview mail. It had been on a Monday, three days after I submitted the application.

A year and six months away from the Blake Mansion for internship, I had returned to my usual routine. A maid.

I was doing my dishes when my phone chimed with the notification. I had been expectant ever since the submission and as I checked my phone, there it was. I was among the selected.

It wasn’t a confirmation of receiving the job, but it was hope. Hope that I could make it out of the Blake Mansion, a ray of sunshine hinting at better days. A step towards achieving my goals.

And now, it was none of these things.

My mind has continued reeling, reminding me of what laid in wait for me back at the Blake Mansion. Ridicule. Mockery. Rounds of really annoying laughter. And "I told you so" statements.

It was inevitable, but I couldn’t go back yet. I was still very hurt for salt to be added to the sore. If I go back in this state of mind, Lord knows, I won’t be able to keep silent when their taunts start. And I would regret every word I retorted in more dire ways.

I needed something, anything at all that would take my mind off things and at the same time - stall.

"Vera!" Richard called, "get me those files I requested for yesterday. I wonder why I’m yet to have them on my desk."

"Wait a minute," The idea ignited in my mind like a high voltage light bulb.

"Of course, why didn’t I think of it before