Chapter 100: Confronting Feelings
Sadiki paced outside Drystan’s quarters, his heart hamring in his chest as he struggled to keep his thoughts in order. It had been days since the kiss, days of avoidance, confusion, and the painful pull of unresolved feelings.
But he knew it couldn’t go on like this. He had to confront it, to confront Drystan, and the emotions he wasn’t sure he was ready to face.
Taking a deep breath, Sadiki clenched his fists, willing himself to find the courage to knock. His mind swirled with doubts, uncertainty flooding him.
What if this conversation only made things worse? What if he said sothing he couldn’t take back? But he knew this limbo between them couldn’t go on any longer.
Summoning the last bit of resolve, Sadiki knocked on the door.
A few monts passed, then the door creaked open. Drystan stood there, his stoic expression softened, surprised to see Sadiki standing there so late. His eyes widened slightly before he quickly masked his reaction.
"Sadiki?" Drystan’s voice was cautious, but there was hope behind it. "What are you doing here?."
Sadiki’s throat went dry. He hadn’t exactly thought through what he would say. All he knew was that the tension between them had grown unbearable, and he needed to clear the air.
"We need to talk," Sadiki said quietly, his voice wavering more than he intended. He glanced past Drystan, into the dimly lit room, then back to Drystan’s face.
Drystan hesitated for a mont, searching Sadiki’s expression, then stepped aside, wordlessly inviting him in. Sadiki entered, his pulse racing as Drystan closed the door and leaned against it.
The room felt warm, intimate. A small fire crackled in the hearth, casting flickering shadows across the walls. Sadiki tried to steady his nerves as he turned to face Drystan, who stood there, waiting, watching him closely.
"So... what’s this about?" Drystan asked, though there was a glimr in his eyes that suggested he already knew.
Sadiki exhaled sharply, feeling the weight of the mont press down on him. "The kiss," he said finally, the words escaping before he could second-guess them. "We need to talk about the kiss."
Drystan’s shoulders tensed, his playful deanor slipping away. He nodded slowly, though his expression remained guarded. "I figured as much."
An awkward silence stretched between them, thick with everything unspoken. Sadiki shifted uncomfortably, suddenly unsure of where to begin.
His mind raced, a dozen different emotions battling for dominance, confusion, guilt, fear, and sothing else, sothing he wasn’t quite ready to na.
"I’ve been thinking about it," Sadiki began, his voice quiet, almost apologetic. "About what happened. About us."
Drystan didn’t speak, his gaze steady and patient, but the flicker of vulnerability in his eyes didn’t go unnoticed by Sadiki.
"I don’t know what I’m feeling," Sadiki admitted, his voice breaking slightly. "I’m still trying to figure it all out. Eirik, you... everything. It’s a ss."
Drystan’s jaw clenched slightly, though he remained silent, giving Sadiki the space to speak.
"I care about you, Drystan," Sadiki continued, his heart pounding. "But I’m still... confused. I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more. Not yet."
Drystan’s expression softened, but there was a flicker of disappointnt in his eyes. He nodded slowly, his voice calm when he finally spoke. "I understand. And I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for."
Sadiki felt a wave of relief wash over him, but it was tinged with guilt. He could see how much Drystan was holding back, how much he was trying to protect Sadiki’s feelings, even at the cost of his own.
"It’s just..." Sadiki trailed off, struggling to find the right words. "That kiss, it wasn’t sothing I expected. But it wasn’t sothing I hated either."
Drystan’s eyes widened slightly, and Sadiki saw a spark of hope flicker there, faint but unmistakable.
"I’m not saying I don’t feel anything," Sadiki clarified, his voice shaky. "I just... need ti to figure out what those feelings are. And I need to know that you’ll give
that ti. No pressure. No expectations."
Drystan took a step closer, his expression softening further. "Sadiki, I’ll give you all the ti in the world if that’s what you need. I don’t want to rush you. I just want to be honest about how I feel."
Sadiki swallowed hard, his heart thudding in his chest. The warmth of Drystan’s presence seed to envelop him, grounding him in the mont. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear those words until now.
Drystan’s eyes searched his face, his voice dropping to a soft murmur. "I’ve wanted to say sothing for a while, but I didn’t know how. That night in the garden... I couldn’t hold back anymore. I didn’t an to confuse you."
Sadiki’s chest tightened at the sincerity in Drystan’s voice, the weight of his confession settling over them like a blanket. He took a slow breath, feeling the tension between them shift into sothing new, sothing more fragile.
"I don’t know where this is going," Sadiki admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I’m not opposed to finding out."
Drystan’s breath hitched slightly, his eyes widening in surprise, but there was no mistaking the joy that flickered across his face. He stepped closer, closing the distance between them until they were standing just inches apart.
"You an that?" Drystan asked, his voice low and hesitant, as though he didn’t dare believe it.
Sadiki nodded, feeling the truth of it settle in his chest. "Yeah. I do."
"Are you being serious?" Drystan asked for more clarification, his voice thick with emotion. He took another step forward, his hand almost reaching out before pulling back, as if afraid of crossing an invisible line. "You’re really willing to... to give this a chance?"
Sadiki nodded slowly, his heart pounding. "I don’t know where it’ll lead, but I’m willing to try."
The relief that washed over Drystan was palpable. He exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, his entire posture relaxing.
And for a mont, they just stood there, staring at each other, the tension between them crackling like the fire in the hearth. Sadiki’s pulse raced, his heart hamring in his chest as Drystan’s hand finally reached out, fingers brushing lightly against his arm.
The touch was gentle, hesitant, as if Drystan was waiting for permission. Sadiki’s breath caught in his throat, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he took a step closer, closing the remaining distance between them.
Drystan’s eyes searched his face, as if asking a silent question, and Sadiki felt his heart stutter in response. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore, but in this mont, it felt right.
Before Sadiki could second-guess himself, Drystan’s hand cupped the side of his face, and in a heartbeat, their lips t. The kiss was slow, hesitant at first, as though both of them were testing the waters, unsure of what ca next. But then it deepened, and suddenly all the uncertainty, all the confusion, lted away.
Sadiki’s hands found their way to Drystan’s shoulders, pulling him closer as the kiss intensified. Drystan’s arms wrapped around him, holding him like he was afraid to let go, like this mont might slip through his fingers if he wasn’t careful.
The kiss was a rush of emotions, passion, relief, fear, and sothing deeper that neither of them was ready to na. It was like everything they had been holding back had finally broken free, and they were both drowning in it, overwheld by the intensity of what they were feeling.
When they finally pulled away, both of them were breathing heavily, their foreheads resting against each other. Sadiki’s heart was pounding in his chest, his mind racing as he tried to process what had just happened.
Drystan’s fingers gently brushed against his cheek, and Sadiki looked up to et his gaze. There was a softness in Drystan’s eyes, a vulnerability that made Sadiki’s heart ache.
"I ant what I said," Drystan whispered, his voice rough with emotion. "I’ll give you all the ti you need. We’ll take this slow, however slow you want."
Sadiki’s chest tightened, a strange mix of relief and fear washing over him. He wasn’t sure what the future held, he wasn’t sure of much right now, but in this mont, he knew one thing: he didn’t want to run anymore.
"I don’t have all the answers yet," Sadiki said quietly, his voice steady despite the storm of emotions swirling inside him. "But I want to figure it out. With you."
Drystan’s smile was soft, full of warmth and sothing that looked a lot like hope. He pressed another kiss to Sadiki’s forehead, lingering for just a mont before pulling back.
"We’ll figure it out together," Drystan promised, his voice barely above a whisper. "One step at a ti."
Sadiki nodded, feeling a strange sense of peace settle over him.
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