Chapter 504: I, Garrett, Am Skilled in Hemorrhoid Surgery?
"Mine, mine, mine!"
"I scooped it up!"
"Oro, don’t steal!"
"Sss... Ah... it’s so hot!"
A group of mages surrounded a basin-sized copper pot, each using unique tricks to fish for food:
Mage’s Hand scooped up white fish slices, which danced back to its master’s plate while the red soup dripped all over the floor;
Miss Anita Winvey conjured vines to gather a huge pile of radish slices, asparagus, spinach, kale, cabbage, freshly conjured mung bean sprouts, and pea shoots. Of course, there were endless fish slices too;
Bernard, although not a mage, had a colander in his hand that was bigger than any Mage’s Hand!
Garrett smiled as he watched them scramble. This noisy, bustling scene was so similar to his college days. Back then, when classmates were hungry and craving, they’d slip to the street behind the dical school for a al to satisfy their hunger.
Back then, boiled fish was popular. One dormitory would order a huge pot, scooping it clean of fish and vegetables. The soup from the fish and vegetables would soak into the rice, and a simple stir would make it delicious enough to devour a large bowl.
It was a cost-effective al. After eating, everyone’s faces glowed, and they would return to school patting their full bellies...
Speaking of which, Mage Tower was also a place of learning and research, wasn’t it?
This al was extrely satisfying. By the end, even the well-sliced fish by Seraina was forced by everyone for Garrett to reprocess into boiled fish slices.
Hmm, eating raw fish slices without mustard or soy sauce always felt a bit odd, didn’t it?
However, joy often leads to sorrow. Garrett’s boiled fish slices, laden with lots of chili, pepper, and various spices, were exhilaratingly spicy and refreshing to eat, but after eating...
The next day, Master Norwood sneaked into Garrett’s room, wincing and twisting his body.
"What’s wrong?"
Garrett laughed the mont he saw his walking posture. He was familiar with this pose from the proctology departnt, where a bunch of big n in skirts each walked like this!
"Uh... Mr. Nordmark... I heard... you cured that child... Do you know about... this as well..."
Garrett held back his laughter, carefully asking about his symptoms. The problem wasn’t serious: constipation and hemorrhoid bleeding due to excessive spicy food. Garrett quickly cast a healing spell to temporarily stop the bleeding, and then for the constipation...
"Maybe you could try this?"
He rummaged and pulled out a bottle of glycerin. Inserting a hollow vine into the rectum, he used a syringe to inject it, instructing Master Norwood:
"Hold on! Wait until you can’t hold it anymore before you go!"
After a while, Master Norwood ca out of the bathroom sweating profusely, feeling much lighter, and thanked Garrett. Seizing the opportunity, Garrett grabbed him:
"Since you’re here, do you want to check your hemorrhoids too? Whether internal, external, or mixed, I can perform surgery with minimal bleeding and high efficacy. It’s simple with a healing spell..."
"You really can do it? — I heard from those guys in Black Crow Swamp that they’ve tried to do it themselves and ended up with heavy bleeding the mont they cut!"
"Hehe, that’s because they don’t understand the anatomical structure..."
Garrett personally perford the surgery, smoothly removing two hemorrhoids for Master Norwood. While chatting during the procedure, Garrett learned that many mages suffered from constipation and hemorrhoids.
"Ah, constipation isn’t a disease, but not being able to defecate can really be deadly! Day by day, drinking castor oil, using soap water enemas, and washing with healing potions if there’s bleeding—it’s quite troubleso..."
Garrett nodded silently. Although he didn’t suffer as much himself, many mages did due to reading, ditating, and sitting all day. They lacked physical activity, ate unhealthily, consud too much at, and lacked dietary fiber—
If you’re not constipated, who is?
As for how to handle constipation...
"Do you want to take a bottle of this back with you?"
Garrett placed the glycerin-filled glass bottle in front of Master Norwood. The middle-aged mage looked at the bottle, thought for a mont, and then shook his head:
"Never mind, it’s too troubleso. I don’t know the divine spells of the God of Nature, and those enema devices are also very awkward to operate..."
"So..."
Garrett naturally thought of a device from his previous life. He casually cast a [Silent Phantom] spell, squeezing and shaping it into the form of an enema bottle:
"How about this?"
Master Norwood examined it intently. The palm-sized gadget had a flexible base that was easy to squeeze;
The top was a thin tube, smooth and rigid, which wouldn’t bend when entering the body and its rounded tip wouldn’t damage the delicate mucous mbrane;
The content was small, only about 20 milliliters in the sac, but based on Master Norwood’s experience with treatnts, it should be... sufficient?
"It looks like it could be easily used by one person..." he assessed as a transmutation mage, pondering:
"The difficulty lies in the connection between the tube and the sac. If it’s not tight enough, squeezing it would cause it to leak from the seam; if it’s too tight, refilling it later could be troubleso... Wait, why is yours all in one piece?"
Garrett spread his hands. Enema, of course, it’s made in one piece—who would bother with a small sac and then tie a tube to it?
As far as he rembered, enemas were made of transparent plastic, not rubber...
So, the support Garrett could offer Master Norwood was to take charge grandly:
"Take more glycerin and just try, it’s not hard to make—nor expensive. If successful, you handle the sales, and Mage Tower gets a share of the profits..."
Master Norwood took the glycerin and went on his way. Even if not for profit, for his own convenience, he was determined to develop this useful item. He felt that, given his physical condition, he could use up at least three bottles a month...
"Bring the rubber! Bring the rubber you guys made!" Master Norwood shouted at two apprentices:
"Shape it with your ntal powers, make it into the design I specify, and then fill the tube with the liquid!"
The two apprentices hurriedly got to work. Rubber blocks, rubber sheets, rubber cylinders, rubber skins... one by one, they
In Master Norwood’s lab, several different types of rubber were already made, but they were still a bit off from Garrett’s requirents. He drew a pattern, listed the dinsions and detailed requirents, and led the apprentices to try one type after another, and they actually managed to produce a finished product.
Master Norwood didn’t rush to sell. He first sent small batches to Aurora and Linde, then took the finished products to visit his friends one by one. Each visit required retelling Garrett’s story:
"Did you know? That baby was born without an anus, and Master Nordmark actually managed to create one for him!"
"I knew he could treat it... that ti I had bleeding constipation, it hurt so bad I went to him for treatnt, and he fixed it quickly. Hearing about my constipation, he gave
this thing... Hey, don’t say it, it’s much more convenient to use!"
"This little thing, you feel uncomfortable, you can use it with one hand, isn’t it more convenient than finding soone to help with an enema?"
"Master Nordmark said, hot water doesn’t work well, soap water, castor oil is too harsh, easy to make the intestines sick. This kind of dicinal agent is mild and effective..."
"You don’t believe , nor do you believe Master Nordmark? The man can create an anus that doesn’t exist, wouldn’t he understand this little thing?"
Thus, he distributed a large batch of samples. As the reputation of the enema spread, three to five mages would contact him daily to inquire, and Master Norwood calmly placed the product in the exchange area.
Not expensive, half a gold coin each. Included a small pamphlet, printed with Master Nordmark’s constipation managent advice:
1. Drink plenty of water, 1500 to 2000 milliliters per day;
2. Eat plenty of vegetables and fruits, get moderate exercise;
3. Develop a habit of regular bowel movents, and take a warm water sitz bath after defecating;
4. If bleeding persists, or if there are hemorrhoids prolapsing, or if sothing else seems off, make sure to seek treatnt...
The pamphlet’s end also featured the na and address of the Oak Grove dical Research Institute. At the corner of the paper, the institute’s Red Cross symbol shone brightly, very eye-catching.
The first day it went up, 200 units were hung out, and within three days, they were all swept up.
The mages were overjoyed. In the future, when facing awkward situations, they no longer had to take off their trousers and squat, asking apprentices or servants to help with enemas!
Even if the bleeding was severe, there was now a place to treat it!
Garrett didn’t concern himself with this matter from start to finish. He gave Master Norwood a great deal of trust, always ready to help, covering many responsibilities. The enema was made, good;
The thod for making glycerin, take it;
Need general constipation
advice, no problem, writing a public health article is also what a doctor should do;
Glycerin listed, got it, remind
to settle accounts regularly...
Until at the dical institute, when mages gradually ca seeking treatnt, he belatedly realized:
What’s going on?
What happened?
Why, in your minds, have I beco a proctologist skilled in hemorrhoid surgery?
I’m proficient in ergency surgery!
I don’t want to be a poop scooper!
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