Reduced ko-fi tiers pricing, due to reduce in release frequency.Heat flower (4)
Perhaps it was a habit ingrained in my body.
While I was montarily distracted by the surrounding scenery, my feet had instinctively led to Mother's study.
I stood there for a mont, staring blankly at the closed study door.
[Philli's library]
"..."
The silver naplate, heavily etched with the passage of ti, seed to prove the bygone era.
The golden letters engraved on it sent a strange tremor through .
I quietly reached out and caressed the naplate.
-Run, Raiden!!
-I'm sorry... my... child...
Fleeting mories of the past pierced through my hardened heart.
As an unknown emotion welled up inside , I bit my lip hard and my body trembled.
My hesitant hand reached for the doorknob.
The word "Deathweed" had already vanished from my mind.
Forgetting the original purpose for which I had co out, I slowly opened the study door.
-Click, creak...
With the light sound of the hinges, the door opened, revealing rows of old bookshelves.
I stood frozen for a mont, then ca to my senses and stepped inside.
"...Nothing has changed."
Including my ti as Naru, it had been almost 24 years since I last stepped foot in Mother's study.
I walked between the tall bookshelves, reminiscing about past mories.
Even though three long years had passed since Mother's death, the study remained largely unchanged.
Perhaps Father and the mansion staff had been maintaining it all this ti.
I quietly took in the fragnts of the past.
The desk where Mother used to do her paperwork.
The chair by the window where she would occasionally sit and enjoy her tea.
The old sofa where she would read us fairy tales whenever Ariel and I visited.
And the portrait of our family, hanging on the central wall, at which she always smiled warmly...
Traces of Mother lingered everywhere in this study.
Every single object in this aged space reminded of her.
An image of Mother flickered before my eyes, her red hair cascading down as she graced with a gentle smile.
A wave of dizziness hit , and I swayed on my feet.
"Ugh..."
A soft groan escaped my lips, disturbing the silence of the study.
The headache I had forgotten about for a while seed to be returning, but I didn't stop walking.
As I steadied my blurry vision and continued walking, I reached the end of the long study.
Finally, I stopped and stood still.
I turned my head slightly and looked at the bookshelf at the very end of the study.
"...It should be around here sowhere."
With a small murmur, I reached for the bookshelf.
Three shelves from the top, four from the left, the last book among seven lined up there.
I pulled it out and carefully dusted it off.
In my hand was a faded leather-bound notebook.
A thick, worn-out leather notebook that seed to have weathered countless years.
{A Motherly Note}
(A Mother's Diary)
I gently traced the title embossed on the cover.
A Mother's Diary, as its na suggested... was a parenting diary that Mother had diligently kept from the day I, her firstborn, was born until the day before she passed away.
Whenever night fell and the searing longing kept awake, I would quietly co to the study and read this notebook.
Reading it made feel as if my deceased mother was sitting right next to , which brought a sliver of comfort.
"..."
I hesitated for a mont, then took a shallow breath and opened the notebook.
Rustle. The pages turned with a soft sound.
Familiar sentences, written on yellowed paper, ca into view.
[Imperial Calendar 632, March 28th]
I have finally beco a 'mother.'
My first child with him, the one I had been longing for, has been born.
Childbirth brought far greater pain than I had anticipated.
But it also brought happiness that overshadowed all the pain.
His black eyes, just like his father's, his handso face, his cute, beaming smile...
I still can't believe that this innocent life ca from my womb.
Perhaps I need a little more ti to accept this reality.
After much discussion with him, we decided to na our child 'Raiden.'
It is derived from the ancient word 'Lyo Ru,' aning 'miracle child.'
I thought it was the perfect na for a child who ca to us like a miracle.
To think that what I had only imagined in my dreams has co true in reality.
I'm almost worried that I might be overwheld by this overflowing happiness.
I'm sure he feels the sa way.
He's been wearing an uncharacteristically goofy grin all day long.
My little love, descended from heaven like a miracle.
May our path ahead be filled with happiness and joy.
[1st Entry, End]
"..."
After reading the first entry, I paused, my fingers clutching the page.
Tears fell, splattering onto the old notebook.
I repeatedly wiped my eyes with my hand and reached to turn the page.
[Imperial Calendar 632, March 29th]
This morning, I breastfed Raiden for the first ti.
He seems to know I'm his mother, because every ti our eyes et, he gives the cutest, brightest smile...
[Imperial Calendar 633, October 23rd]
Today, Raiden said 'Mama' for the first ti.
I couldn't hold back the tears of joy welling up inside .
He seed a little disappointed that he didn't say 'Papa' first...
[Imperial Calendar 634, March 13th]
Raiden took his first steps!
He toddled around, exploring the room...
[Imperial Calendar 633, September 18th]
My second child was born.
We decided to na her 'Ariel'...
"Ugh..."
Mother's stories continued for dozens, hundreds of pages.
Stories of Ariel and growing up day by day.
And the emotions Mother felt as she watched over us.
Joy, happiness, ecstasy...
And love, love, love.
Most of the stories in the old notebook were about Ariel and .
And those records reminded of how much Mother loved us.
As I turned the pages, my vision blurred more and more, and I had to wipe my eyes countless tis.
The hot tears that stread down left a burning mark on my heart.
My hand, having traversed through countless stories, finally reached the last page of the notebook.
"..."
This page held no written entries.
Instead, a small magic formula was printed on it.
A faint, blue magic formula.
I gently traced it with my finger and channeled a bit of mana into the paper.
The illustration on the page shimred, and a faint light flickered as it released the stored magic.
《Chirp... Chirp...》
《My children... I love you both, always.》
《Whenever the world pushes you away, whenever sadness weighs you down, rember this.》
《Rember that Mom is always by your side...》
It was a type of recording magic.
Mother's voice, recorded on the last page of the notebook right after Ariel was born.
Her nostalgic voice, as if whispering in my ear, finally shattered the dam holding back my tears.
"Mother..."
The emotions I had been desperately suppressing ca pouring out.
I hugged Mother's notebook tightly.
The boy's voice, choked with grief, pleaded with soone who wasn't there.
Oh, Mother.
My beloved Mother.
You loved us so much, so why did you leave us?
You promised to always be by our side, so why aren't you here to hold as I cry?
Why did you... sacrifice yourself to save that day?
"Why..."
I've regretted it countless tis since you passed away.
That it should have been , not you, who died that day.
That everything would have been better if you had survived, not ...
"Ugh..."
Why am I such a failure?
I hurt the people I love, and I destroyed the love I should have received with my own hands.
So many people were hurt because of my foolishness.
In my past life, and in this life... I've always been a ss.
How am I supposed to go on living now?
Carrying the weight of guilt, loneliness, and longing...
Am I dood to live every day tornted by the wounds of my past life?
I miss you, Mother.
I miss the old days.
The mory of those unbroken tis haunts every night, stealing my sleep.
I spend all day lost in a haze of smoke, desperate to escape from reality.
How can I turn back ti?
How can I find the strength to go on living?
Please, just tell ...
"Mother... Mother..."
I cried for a long ti, staring into the empty air that held no answers.
Until, exhausted from crying, I finally lost consciousness, clutching Mother's notebook tightly to my chest, searching for the mother who was no longer there.
***
Morning arrived at the mansion.
Raiden was asleep, leaning against a corner of the study.
Perhaps he had cried himself to sleep, for faint tearstains were still visible on his face.
"Young Master... why are you sleeping here...?"
A brown-haired girl was gazing down at Raiden. She gently reached out and wiped the tears from his eyes.
Her touch was soft and warm, careful not to wake him from his exhausted slumber.
She gently lifted Raiden's body, which was leaning against the bookshelf, and laid him down on her lap.
She brushed his ssy bangs aside and pressed her lips to his forehead.
-Kiss...
"Sleep well... Young Master..."
The girl whispered softly.
Choose your tier by clicking the 'Support ' button!
Rate and review this novel on NU to help people find this novel.
Reviews
All reviews (0)