.
.
Finally, I reached my bedroom.
I shrugged off my coat and sat down on the bed, my body still trembling.
The blanket sank softly under my weight.
"Haa..."
A heavy sigh escaped my exhausted lips.
I struggled to keep my consciousness from fading as I spoke to Gilbert, who was tidying up my coat.
"......Old man."
"Yes, Young Master."
"Can you do a favor... as the eldest son of the Lishite Dukedom?"
"Gilbert, servant of the Lishite family, at your service."
Gilbert bowed his head imdiately at my cautious request.
I watched the old gentleman standing stiffly, then gave a wry smile.
"......Don't let anyone into my room for a while."
"No one, you say?"
"Yes... No one."
"And how long would this 'while' be?"
"Until I co out of this room myself."
"Understood."
Thankfully, Gilbert didn't ask for a reason.
He simply obeyed.
"Thank you."
"It is my duty. Please, rest well."
I gave a final farewell to Gilbert as he left the room, then quietly collapsed onto the bed.
Cold sweat dripped down my face, mingling with my ssy hair.
I finally released the breath I had been holding back, gasping for air.
"Haa, haa......"
Was it because of the trauma?
My entire body felt heavy, as if crushed under an imnse gravity.
"Damn it..."
Cursing under my breath, I fumbled in my pants pocket.
After a few misses, my fingers touched a small case filled with deathweed.
I hurriedly put a stick between my lips.
-Click, hiss...
The light sound of the lighter igniting.
Imdiately, a plu of smoke rose up.
Like a drug addict hooked on a fix, I inhaled desperately.
"Huff, puff... Huff, puff..."
Only after several harsh breaths did I manage to calm down a little.
The noxious smoke had an imdiate effect, driving away the headache and auditory hallucinations that had been tornting .
"......At least I have this."
If I didn't even have deathweed in this state...
My mind would have already collapsed.
I shuddered at the chilling thought.
Perhaps due to my trembling fingers, ashes fell from the end of the cigarette.
I brushed them away indifferently.
"How long until my status window returns..."
Once the system was restored, I could leave this world peacefully, without pain.
I stared blankly into the air.
"Actually... There's no need to go through such a complicated process."
My wandering gaze landed on a sword hanging from my waist.
I reached out and quietly grabbed it.
-Shing...
My face was reflected in the gleaming blade as I drew it with a clear ringing sound.
"......"
If I were to drive Sorrow into my throat right now.
I could close my eyes forever.
I could put an imdiate end to this wretched life without dragging it out any longer.
But, even though I knew that thod.
The reason I hadn't taken my own life yet was...
'...I don't want to experience death twice.'
It was a sense of rejection stemming from the death I had already experienced.
I rembered.
How excruciating the first death had been.
The feeling of my skull being crushed while I was still conscious, my brains spilling out from my torn scalp.
"I've had enough of pain..."
I hated pain.
Just living was already painful enough.
I didn't want to fill the last remaining page with sentences full of agony.
If I was going to disappear anyway.
I wanted to disperse as peacefully as possible.
"...Maybe it's just greed."
But couldn't I at least have this much?
I just wished for my death to be gentle like smoke scattering before my eyes.
"Huff, puff..."
Subrging myself in aningless thoughts, I exhaled the last breath I had been holding.
I quietly closed my eyes, leaving behind the fading remnants of smoke.
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