246 She had begun healing
''To be able to sit here with you all, I'm really grateful. I never thought I would be able to talk about this, but here I am!''
Xin Yong paused for a while, getting her thoughts together. Everyone waited patiently for her to speak.
''Well, I fell in love with soone. Soone I thought loved back.
Have you ever been in an illusion? A fantasy that felt so real? I an, back then I could have sworn on anything living or dead that he loved too. He was my first love, first kiss, everything first; and it wasn't until he left that I realized that he had beco part of . ''
Her face drooped, but she forced a smile back on. She was willing to talk about it now, she had kept it in for so long and she knew talking about it would help her get over it soon.
''Well, he was soone anyone would call perfect. You know that kind of man that never sees anything you do as wrong? He was too good to be true. I fell deeper into the illusion when he asked to marry him. Who goes as far as to engage a woman just to hurt her?
On my birthday, in front of his friends, this man asked to marry him. How could it all be an act? How could soone act so well? Jeez, he could win a Grammy for acting!
Luckily for him but unluckily for , I fell for it. Actually, I had fallen for him from the first day I saw him, that explained why I agreed to date him when he asked, I didn't even think about it. Ha-ha, I was cheap, very cheap!
And then, I wasn't thinking of any other thing. He was there in my present and in my future. Everything I had planned had him in it. I thought I was lucky. A handso CEO falling in love with an ordinary girl, which only happened in novels and movies, so waking up every morning with him by my side felt so unreal.
Although I told him I did not want to get pregnant because of my career, deep down inside, I itched to miss my period_ but that never happened.''
Xin Yong stopped. She picked her bottled mineral water from beside her and took a gulp. Clearing her throat, she continued.
''So everything was perfect, there were no signs, or rather I did not notice any. Until one fateful night, he was acting so strange; I tried asking him what was wrong but he refused to tell . We had sex that night, after which he left the house and did not return till the next day.
I waited all through the night, wondering what I did wrong. It wasn't until five in the morning that my weak eyes forced to sleep; but that did not last long because I woke up when he returned which was around six in the morning.? You know the first thing he did?
He asked to sign a deed to a property and fill a blank check.
Have you ever known a lie that even when you are told the truth, you refuse to believe it?
That was my situation at that ti. I could not believe what was unfolding itself before , so I forced myself to ask.
Xin Yong's voice disappeared slowly as tears clouded her eyes. Her throat felt so dry that she had to drink from her bottle again.
''Take your ti…'' The group coordinator, who was an elderly woman in her fifties comforted her; Xin Yong nodded with a smile. She took in a few breaths before resuming.
''He said he did not want to see when he returned, then he went into the bedroom. It took hours to realize that I had fallen for a player, a Lothario; and that I was about to be dumped like the others.
It took hours to realize that I was not different, that I was not special and that I had fooled myself all along.
When he ca out from the room, he didn't even look at , like I was a piece of trash; he stopped for a while and repeated his instructions before stomping out.
I was not sure if I was going to see him again, so I used that opportunity to ask him the question that had been in my mind since he asked to sign that docunt.
We've been together for over two years, and throughout this period, I can count how many tis we had issues which always ended with him pleading to be forgiven even when, sotis I was at fault. He never for once called by my na, the first ti I knew how my na sounded in his lips was when he asked to leave.
He undoubtedly cared for , so I wanted to know if he ever loved . Even if it was for a ti, and then his interest faded, I wanted to know if I was really dreaming all these while, so I asked him.
The reply I got hit so hard that I stopped hearing for a few seconds,
He said, 'I never loved you, not even for a split second, so scrap every mory you have of '.
She paused, laughing dryly.
''Wasn't that too harsh? I an, I know you never loved but wasn't it a bit too harsh to say it that way?''
Xin Yong asked no one in particular. She laughed for a while before going on.
''So that sentence made let go of the tiny, frail stem of hope I was holding onto; it made wake up from my illusion and I faced reality. I wondered why he would be so wicked. Why he would take up to the clouds and let fall to the ground, I wondered if there was sothing I did wrong that I could not rember. You know, if he did not lie about loving , it would not have been this painful.
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