- HAZEL -
I stare at the card before , humming a song, as my eyes trace across the night sea shore through an open balcony. This is my last night here, everyone else but Kate has already gone and I have packed my things. By tomorrow, I’ll be ho and nicely tucked in my bed while thinking about other things. Well, other reoccurring things. In the second ho apparently.
I haven’t been there since I was a kid. I let out a yawn as I stretch my hand, enjoying the night breeze. Should I tell Liam which address that gift he wants to send to should be delivered to or should I wait and have him do whatever?
I lean my elbow on the balcony rail then place my head gently on my palm. A smile forms on my face. I’ll leave him. After all, can’t be blad for not wearing sothing I never had in the first place. The turnabout may be hilarious. I cock my head to the side, now looking at the card.
The event is in a few days. I cannot deny how nervous I am. I never knew Killian had family outside the ones I already know to begin with and that is just two people, Liam and Natalie. Don’t get wrong, but one just never thinks far enough past the parents and siblings and both his parents are. . . . well, to put it frankly, unable to attend events. Unable to even breathe. Or see to let know they had siblings.
The chuckle that bursts out my mouth imdiately cos to a halt. I’m restraining myself from laughing because this subject is so dark that I shouldn’t even tag it as funny. Especially if, if reversed, I doubt I’d be strong enough to accept the loss of my parents, and I am not as young as he was when he lost his. The pain of loss and the responsibility he had to take on at such a young age breaks my heart. Most kids would be fighting over crayons and fridge snacks at that age.
I let out a sigh. I wonder if I should just be or be soone else in front of his extended family. I wonder if there are certain expectations soone with Killian is supposed to et.
My fingers clench slightly into a fist as a thought cos to mind. I just rembered sothing. I won’t be attending as his woman but as his brother’s plus one. I shouldn’t even be thinking about any of this. The person who should be is the lady whose parents own this beach house, also known as Kate, also known as my bestie.
A sigh rips out my lips, a soft, slightly disappointed one. I cannot even be disappointed nor do I have the right to be. I already knew we couldn’t be portrayed as anything in public. Not when our relationship can still be seen as an affair. Not when Kate still doesn’t know. Not when my entire friendship is on the line.
The night suddenly becos sour. The man in question that is plaguing my thoughts didn’t even act like he knew back there in front of her. The ssage interpretation was pretty clear and it hurt.
Even though I’m the reason behind it, I remind myself, now sighing again as I bring my hands across my chest to rub both my arms. The night is getting really chilly.
“I can’t believe it’s over.” A voice calls from behind . I jerk my head over my shoulder to look at who it is, even though I already know.
Kate cos to my side and hands a blanket. “Thank you.” I say, taking it from her then wrapping it over my shoulders, clutching the ends hanging down my shoulders together in front of my chest.
“Nah, it’s alright.” She responds. Staring at the sea.
“We can always extend it. Or plan another holiday for us.” I suggest, responding to her earlier statent, my head turns to face her.
“You think?” She asks, now facing . I bite my lip, a smile forming on my face as I nod, knowing it won’t be possible. While she and I had to leave school due to the raid, our friends’ session is still on.
“Very much do.” We both laugh at that. Now silence brews between us. I avert my gaze back ahead of at the peaceful quiet. “Kate,” I finally murmur, breaking the silence. “Did you organise this to run away from ho?” I ask. The thought has crept at the back of my mind since she arrived at school. “Did everything get sorted out with your family?”
I rember her telling that it did but I am not sure if she said the truth or just said so to change the subject.
“Yes and sowhat yes.” She responds without looking at .
“Want to talk about it?”
Kate pauses for a bit. I watch her keenly. She shakes her head, shrugging her shoulders. “No. Not really.” She giggles. Why do I feel like that’s her attempt to mask her pain? “While I want to be away from the family drama, life has been good. Killian is helping on most parts so the chaos is way less than it’s supposed to be. By ninety five percent.” Her lips purse into a line.
This makes smile. Killian is helping her? With what? He knows her family? He has never really shown interest in knowing mine. I lower my gaze. “That’s nice.” I say. “The good part of it, anyway.” I add imdiately. The awkward giggle that slid in my ears makes sigh. “I am glad you both are resolving your differences.” I say. I am a lot too curious for my own good and I feel weird outright asking about it. Mainly because of the circumstances on my end.
Kate exhales. “He still doesn’t touch , if that’s what you’re asking.”
Oh. I don’t know what to feel about that.
“He does everything but touch . Everything a girl could possibly need or fall in love with in a man, Killian possesses.” The calmness in her tone scares . She sounds sad but there is a bit of acceptance in that statent. “It makes feel disgusting.”
No. You’re not! I want to shout this out loud but guilt is my misery.
“If I was a man, I wouldn’t be able to get my hands off you for one second. I’ll worship the very ground you work on.” I say instead, a half grin on my face. Kate turns to look at . The smile on her face this ti looks genuine.
“Why does one need a man when she’s got the best bestie ever!” She exclaims. I feel sickened to my stomach. I am the reason Killian doesn’t touch her and this thought does not make feel as good as I thought it would. Not when it’s affecting her this much.
I force a smile on my lips. I want to ask her if she’s gotten an invitation from Killian to the family ball but I don’t. I don’t want to witness the after effects of my question if he hasn’t yet.
I turn to face the ocean. “This ti tomorrow, I’ll be staring at a pool.” I say to her.
“Better pool than rocky ground.” Kate gushes. I laugh. True. I shrug.
“That bed better be bigger than it was when I was a child.” I say. I have grown both in size and height.
“I am pretty sure your parents got that covered.” Kate hums. “Unless you’ve been naughty and this is a way of punishing you.”
Eek. “I sure hope not.”
The odd thing about our conversation is that there is nothing funny about it yet we’re giggling. Is this our way of hiding reality from dawning on us or do we just enjoy each other’s company that much? I can’t tell. I don’t know. I have been through so much shit in the past few months than I have in my entire life and I have told no one about it, I don’t intend to either, but I cannot assu that everyone else I know hasn’t faced sothing damaging. Maybe not similar, but equally damaging.
If so, I do hope we heal from the things we never have the courage to talk about. I do hope those things don’t kill us before we get the chance to experience the bright side. I lean my head forward, clutching onto the blanket.
“Want to go in?” I ask, still staring at the shore.
“Not yet.” She murmurs, her voice a gentle whisper.
“Get in, or you’ll catch a cold.” I spread my hand wide, offering to share the blanket. She swoons over to , grabbing the end and wrapping it over herself till she’s just as covered as I am. Kate rests her head on my shoulder. I let her.
The quietness of the night is sothing I never knew I needed. I am glad we got to spend ti together, alone. It has been a while since we did that.
“Can you promise sothing?” Kate’s voice breaks the silence.
“Go ahead.” I respond, giving her the green light.
“No matter what cos our way, we would never be angry at each other past a day. Till death do our friendship part.” She words.
Bile forms in my throat. I do not feel worthy enough to call her my best friend. I feel like a horrible being. I hold my pinky finger up. “Till death do our friendship part.” I affirm.
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